Funny Facebook status!

cgm147

cgm147

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 23, 2008
Location
salisbury
Just saw this status on a friends post as follows: Never, and I do mean Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night!
:poop:
 
Words to live by!
 
here is one from today this guy came in to buy a stihl trimmer and this is what he had to say lol!!


And I quote " I want something that walks the DOG I dont want no chicken Shit" lol
old ppl are great!
 
cgm147 said:
here is one from today this guy came in to buy a stihl trimmer and this is what he had to say lol!!
And I quote " I want something that walks the DOG I dont want no chicken Shit" lol
old ppl are great!
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LOL! Old people have some funny sayings.
 
Changing tire on single-wide; beer won't stay on coffee table.


I actually used that on a time off request at work. They said I had to put a reason and spring fever didn't count. I got the day off.
 
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

sent from deep space via galaxy S 2
 
"I was gonna give my change to a homeless guy today, but his sign said "ONE DAY IT COULD BE YOU." I held onto it, just in case he was right."

"Are deaf people paranoid when farting in public?"

"If you say " raise up lights " you just said razor blades in an Australian accent"

"The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I'm home alone and my power goes out."

"I had a nightmare where I couldn't wipe my ass. It was the shittiest dream ever."

"Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich."

"When I die, I want to be thrown out of a plane wearing a Superman costume!"

"I think that I'm emotionally constipated, cause I haven't given a shit in weeks!!!"

I renamed my iPod "The Titanic" so when I plug it in it says, "The Titanic is synching".

Every Kiss begins with K. Too bad Ugly begins with U....

To all the fat chicks that only take pics from the neck up .... good try ... good try.

Don't have phone sex. You might get hearing aids...

Nothing beats a girl with a beautiful singing voice. Except Chris Brown.

Should a redheaded ninja be refered to as a Ginja??

A recent study shows that 90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women..."

I'll stop there. Thats only a few weeks from this guy. Thanks Mikey for making me smile every day!
 
cgm147 said:
Just saw this status on a friends post as follows: Never, and I do mean Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night!
:poop:
Click to expand...
That's originally from "16 Things It Took Me over 50 Years to Learn" by Dave Barry. It's a pretty amusing list. I'd say #3 is pretty relevant to most of us here :lol:

16 Things It Took Me Over 50 Years To Learn
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By Dave Barry, nationally syndicated columnist

  1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
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  2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved and will never achieve its full potential, that one word would be "meetings."
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  3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
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  4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
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  5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
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  6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
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  7. Never lick a steak knife!
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  8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
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  9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
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  10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
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  11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
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  12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
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  13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
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  14. Your friends love you anyway.
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  15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
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  16. Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
 
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved and will never achieve its full potential, that one word would be "meetings."

This one, My boss has meeting to discuss what we discussed in previous meetings!!! No joke, I have lost whole days of work having the exact same meeting just with different people. Really chaps my ass..... good thing he pays by the hour.
 
Mixing laxatives and sleeping pills is like having chronic diarea, and uncontrollable fits of sneezing, w/o the sleeping part.
 
cgm147 said:
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

sent from deep space via galaxy S 2
Click to expand...

You can't go fishin and drink beer all day........................unless you start first thing in the morning.

Old Indian proverb........"It is better to have less thunder in the mouth, and more lightning in the hand"
 
MarsFab said:
A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

This could not be more true!
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I didn't follow this once and spent way too much time with a bitch!
 
did you know it is physically impossible to pee your pants on purpose?
 
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