- Joined
- Mar 20, 2005
- Location
- Hendersonville, NC
Last weekend, myself and some members of Appalachian 4x4 decided to go wheeling in Harlan. Harlan has long been a favorite park of mine since I started going there in 2005. I have had some awesome times there in the past. ECORS races, rock races and week long primitive camping trips have created some long lasting memories for me.
This trip however, will be very difficult to forget. Ever.
Friday we all arrived at our trouse, a combination mobile estate set atop a foundation of sorts, located just about 1/2 mile from the entrance to the park. The trash talking was immediate. Tales of trails conquered and obstacles cleared filled the air. After Chef @smittybronco4 whipped up some burgers, the decision was made to make a night run. Off to Pinball and Railbed we went!
The waterfall on Railbed is a great obstacle to start the weekend. Smitty hit it hard in his bouncer and made it right up. I eased my Ranger up to the waterfall with my trusty co pilot @ckruzer riding beeyotch. We chirped the sticky SXs a few revolutions and hopped right up. Next up was @McCracken in his sticky tarred SJ Cherokee. He too made short work of it. Then we heard what sounded like an infant crying. Surprised, we all looked around and saw @Loganwayne spinning his tires on the same rock. We gingerly asked him why he was so upset and he informed us he forgot his traction at home. We consoled him and said he could take the bypass. Then one of our members literally walked up it in a Yota truggy on 37 Reds. We shook our heads in disgust and pretended not to have 5 times as much in our rigs as he does.
At the top of Railbed in the still of the night, we heard the same cries as earlier in the night. Only this time they were due to regret. The regret of @Loganwayne being too cheap to pay me to replace his front ring and pinion last year. His ring gear had meth mouth and as such, his weekend of wheeling had come to an end.
I could continue with the wheeling play by play, but let me sum it up
- @McCracken, @smittybronco4, @sparkn89 and myself rocked the trails all weekend. The park was dry and we had it to ourselves. It was great wheeling weather!
Then I wanted some cake...
After we collectively (aside from Logan
) kicked Harlan's butt we went back to the trouse and noticed what looked to be a wedding being set up across the street. Chef Smitty once again whipped up a killer meal and we were all fat and happy.
Ever noticed how after a big meal, you crave something sweet? Thoughts of wedding cake danced through my head. I peeked out the window at an outdoor wedding in Evarts KY. One that featured camo attire and a converted kegorator conveniently near the altar. I made the comment "I want some cake." That comment was returned with "We don't have any." My reply was "True, but the wedding beside the train tracks does. Who wants cake too?" Never to send a buddy to get his sweet tooth craving cured alone, @ckruzer excitedly took the wing man role.
Now, let's pause a moment. Here are 7 dudes from NC, covered in mud, grease and grime about to walk right up into a private wedding reception in Evarts KY and try to get some cake. I mean, what could go wrong? More importantly, what could go right?
Back to the story
I'm a pretty bold and direct kind of person. I tend to see it like it is and say it like it is. @ckruzer followed closely behind as I approached who I learned was the mother of the bride. I took an initial survey of the situation and decided to go with the complete honesty and direct approach. "Ma'am, me and my buddies are here wheeling this weekend. Our rental is across the street from here (pointing to our rigs) and I just really would like a piece of cake." It seemed like a Kentucky eternity before she replied. Would she be offended and yell for others? Would she scream and tell us scram? Her reply came and I was on pins and needles..."Why Lord yeah honey. Tell your friends (who were wisely dragging their heels crashing the wedding) to come over too!"
It was awn like Donkey Kong!
I was enjoying my cake, a shoebox sized portion, mind you. When my cretin friends eyeballed the booze and @McCracken decided to DJ the party. From here I'll simply make bullet points of the highlights
* @McCracken took and kept his shirt off
* flammable luminaries that doubles an inappropriate white hoods
* sexual harassment Panda was there
* some dude spilled his beer in my Croc
* I *may* have drank said beer from my Croc (sorry if my sister reads this)
* Fat Bottomed Girls was sang by Sir MixAlot (don't argue this fact, trust @McCracken)
* The Harlan County PoPo showed up and left
* There was twerking. By both sexes and by varying ages of each
* @Loganwayne received instruction of what constitutes consensual bobbing
* State Troopers showed up and left
* I was nearly bitten by a dog
* @McCracken chugged very questionable "moonshine". Waiting on toxicology report on it's contents
* We were invited to watch Mayweather/Mc Gregor fight at a neighbor's house across from reception
* @Loganwayne can't hold his whiskey and as such, was assaulted by a Mexican luchadores in his sleep
*We hauled butt outta there when we overheard the phrase "those troublemakers from NC..."
We feared our story would be questioned if we didn't document it properly. Pics were taken and video was as well. We hope you enjoy!
This trip however, will be very difficult to forget. Ever.
Friday we all arrived at our trouse, a combination mobile estate set atop a foundation of sorts, located just about 1/2 mile from the entrance to the park. The trash talking was immediate. Tales of trails conquered and obstacles cleared filled the air. After Chef @smittybronco4 whipped up some burgers, the decision was made to make a night run. Off to Pinball and Railbed we went!
The waterfall on Railbed is a great obstacle to start the weekend. Smitty hit it hard in his bouncer and made it right up. I eased my Ranger up to the waterfall with my trusty co pilot @ckruzer riding beeyotch. We chirped the sticky SXs a few revolutions and hopped right up. Next up was @McCracken in his sticky tarred SJ Cherokee. He too made short work of it. Then we heard what sounded like an infant crying. Surprised, we all looked around and saw @Loganwayne spinning his tires on the same rock. We gingerly asked him why he was so upset and he informed us he forgot his traction at home. We consoled him and said he could take the bypass. Then one of our members literally walked up it in a Yota truggy on 37 Reds. We shook our heads in disgust and pretended not to have 5 times as much in our rigs as he does.
At the top of Railbed in the still of the night, we heard the same cries as earlier in the night. Only this time they were due to regret. The regret of @Loganwayne being too cheap to pay me to replace his front ring and pinion last year. His ring gear had meth mouth and as such, his weekend of wheeling had come to an end.
I could continue with the wheeling play by play, but let me sum it up
- @McCracken, @smittybronco4, @sparkn89 and myself rocked the trails all weekend. The park was dry and we had it to ourselves. It was great wheeling weather!
Then I wanted some cake...
After we collectively (aside from Logan
) kicked Harlan's butt we went back to the trouse and noticed what looked to be a wedding being set up across the street. Chef Smitty once again whipped up a killer meal and we were all fat and happy.Ever noticed how after a big meal, you crave something sweet? Thoughts of wedding cake danced through my head. I peeked out the window at an outdoor wedding in Evarts KY. One that featured camo attire and a converted kegorator conveniently near the altar. I made the comment "I want some cake." That comment was returned with "We don't have any." My reply was "True, but the wedding beside the train tracks does. Who wants cake too?" Never to send a buddy to get his sweet tooth craving cured alone, @ckruzer excitedly took the wing man role.
Now, let's pause a moment. Here are 7 dudes from NC, covered in mud, grease and grime about to walk right up into a private wedding reception in Evarts KY and try to get some cake. I mean, what could go wrong? More importantly, what could go right?
Back to the story
I'm a pretty bold and direct kind of person. I tend to see it like it is and say it like it is. @ckruzer followed closely behind as I approached who I learned was the mother of the bride. I took an initial survey of the situation and decided to go with the complete honesty and direct approach. "Ma'am, me and my buddies are here wheeling this weekend. Our rental is across the street from here (pointing to our rigs) and I just really would like a piece of cake." It seemed like a Kentucky eternity before she replied. Would she be offended and yell for others? Would she scream and tell us scram? Her reply came and I was on pins and needles..."Why Lord yeah honey. Tell your friends (who were wisely dragging their heels crashing the wedding) to come over too!"
It was awn like Donkey Kong!
I was enjoying my cake, a shoebox sized portion, mind you. When my cretin friends eyeballed the booze and @McCracken decided to DJ the party. From here I'll simply make bullet points of the highlights
* @McCracken took and kept his shirt off
* flammable luminaries that doubles an inappropriate white hoods
* sexual harassment Panda was there
* some dude spilled his beer in my Croc
* I *may* have drank said beer from my Croc (sorry if my sister reads this)
* Fat Bottomed Girls was sang by Sir MixAlot (don't argue this fact, trust @McCracken)
* The Harlan County PoPo showed up and left
* There was twerking. By both sexes and by varying ages of each
* @Loganwayne received instruction of what constitutes consensual bobbing
* State Troopers showed up and left
* I was nearly bitten by a dog
* @McCracken chugged very questionable "moonshine". Waiting on toxicology report on it's contents
* We were invited to watch Mayweather/Mc Gregor fight at a neighbor's house across from reception
* @Loganwayne can't hold his whiskey and as such, was assaulted by a Mexican luchadores in his sleep
*We hauled butt outta there when we overheard the phrase "those troublemakers from NC..."
We feared our story would be questioned if we didn't document it properly. Pics were taken and video was as well. We hope you enjoy!
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