As I have grown older:
As I have grown older:
I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
Condoms
Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex...
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.
Lance Armstrong
I think it is just terrible how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he
achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races while on drugs.
When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike.
Drive By
A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn’t take my TV...just the remote.
Now he drives by and changes my channels... Sick bastard!
The Agony of Aging
On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended, I stopped in to visit my aging friend.
He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.
I said to him, "I don’t think you understand – You're supposed to turn your clock back!"
Video Scam
Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes."
Turns out it's about golf. Total waste of money!
Pregnant Prostitute
Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "Do you know who the father is?"
She replied, "If you ate a can of beans, would you know which one made you fart?"
As I have grown older:
I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
Condoms
Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex...
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.
Lance Armstrong
I think it is just terrible how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he
achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races while on drugs.
When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike.
Drive By
A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn’t take my TV...just the remote.
Now he drives by and changes my channels... Sick bastard!
The Agony of Aging
On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended, I stopped in to visit my aging friend.
He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.
I said to him, "I don’t think you understand – You're supposed to turn your clock back!"
Video Scam
Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes."
Turns out it's about golf. Total waste of money!
Pregnant Prostitute
Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "Do you know who the father is?"
She replied, "If you ate a can of beans, would you know which one made you fart?"