Funny stuff overheard in public

The family and I were in a K&W cafeteria parking lot and I heard a woman say "there are two things I love this world, lookin' at TV and food"
 
Two women in Burger King one time.....

"So what's it feel like?"
"A big ol turd trying to go the wrong way"

I left my sandwich and left the restaurant.....
 
I didn't stick around to find out, lol. I was sitting in a booth and they sat in the booth next to me....
 
I was in the waffle house one night and a group of drunk fat chick's was sitting behind us when one of them started screaming this fat bitch wants her bacon over and over
 
I was at McDonalds once "doctoring up" my coffee with half & half and Equal when this old lady with a 4-pack-a-day raspy voice comes up to me and says, "You know that stuff will kill you" (referring to the Equal). I looked at her and said, "Lady, you do realize we are in McDonalds, don't you? This isn't exactly a health food store." Her breath smelled as though she had been chewing on the cigarettes instead of smoking them.
 
I'll say this was funny to me because someone else had to deal with it. It fully shocked me.

I was at a home improvement store walking up on what appeared to be 3 generations of family(grandpa,son,grandson) that were walking slowly in front of me. Just as I go to pass on the left and squeeze between them and a colored gentlemen the young boy in the cart(3-4yrs old) loudly says, "PAW PAW THAT N*GGER SMELLS FUNNY". Holy shit, I couldn't get out of that aisle fast enough!
 
I was in a kfc one time and overheard these two black girls sharing a recipe on growing an insanely large ass. I was all ears.

Conversation mostly went like this:

"First umm, whatcha gotta do is drank two milkshakes, eat fo biscuits, den drank some urnge juice..."

Uhhuh I gon try dat! :D
 
Several years ago we were wheeling and my friend Knob (nick name obviously) had his window down in a tight section and got smacked with a tree branch.
He yelled "ahh fuck it got me right in the cocksucker"
Totally shut down the wheeling for 15 minutes while we all laughed at him for calling his mouth a cocksucker.
Saw him the other day for the first time in ages, he proudly showed me his tramp stamp of a mythical creature...
Needless to say he's a little wierd.
 
I am traveling on business in Iowa right now. Yesterday I had to go buy some boxers because my dumbass forgot to pack them. Walking through the shoe section at Kohls I overhear: "Yeah, I mean, I like those boots. They're kinda like combat boots, but with a hooker flair... You are definitely going to get raped wearing those"
 
in line at wal mart with my buddy and his 4 year old. lady behind us had no teeth.
little bubba blurts out "daddy that women needs to put in her sunday teeth"
had to roll on that one.
 
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Buddy posted this and it made me think of this thread... Holy hell.
 
Phone rang... She said who texted us... Not you. Aka... Balls in a purse.
 
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