holy cow... family catching up, 28 years later... wow

marty79

marty79

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 24, 2013
Location
Newton, NC
so for those who don't know my background I was adopted from Romania when I was 10 years old with 2 little younger brothers. We were put up for adoption so we could have a better life and more opportunities, as my Biological mother was really suffering back then and we were all going through a lot. Left that life alone and focused on this one for the last 28 years. I just always felt it was easier to deal with, I don't do well with emotions and stuff anyways and it was such a teardown of me back when it happened I chose to leave it all alone this whole time and move on.
Friday I was contacted by my older Biological brother, older sister and mother. I was skeptical for sure but after looking through pictures of each ones children they have, not a doubt in mind they're my siblings as their kids have all our features and anyone could see it lol.
Over the weekend it's been wild talking with them and stirring up all the old memories and emotions so now I'm just a hot mess.....this is crazy, insane never thought this would happen....I'm not sure I ever wanted it to happen....but it did.......wow
 
That has to be hard. You have to decide who you let into your life. Sometimes it is better to let things lay where they are. Other times you find that thing in your life that had been missing and perhaps you didn’t even realize it.

I have an older half sister that has been in my life for 3 years now (I’m 48) and she and I are 2 peas in a pod. I never missed her, she just completed something in me. My younger sister is cordial to her but isn’t close, it’s not a problem for any of us, it is what it is. I love them both.

Good luck in your journey.
 
Congrats my woman’s adopted and has a good relationship with her bio mom and siblings I feel like it’s good for the soul to have that part of you brought back up, especially in adoption situations like that! Just remember that they are your blood and obviously they did it for good reasons and hope it works out!
 
You have to think though, was it an accident that after so long you were reunited? Or is there a deeper meaning behind it?

Things happen for a reason, my friend.
 
it's def gonna be a journey. I'm all over the place emotionally though. In a long story short, the adoption and leaving them was kinda the beginning of my fall in a way. My bio mother didn't tell me the truth to our adoption cause she knew I would never leave if she did...so she told me I was going away to visit with these people and watch over my little ones for some time, that I would be back. Well age 13, 3yrs later, I spoke english fluent and then I understood what happened. I rebelled, I became angry and bitter and hated the world and everything about it...me and my bio mother were super close. So that's where my downhill spiral began...adopted parents stuck me in psychiatric help, psychologists and all this crap not knowing a thing or two about struggle (cuase they've never had it, they're wealthy) and none of it helped. I balled it all up finally and slowly started moving on...
Being bullied and picked on as the "dumb Romanian Kid" continued all the way to age 15, literally. They never listened, didn't care, thought I was full of it. 8th Grade enough was enough...all those anger and bitterness balled up for that whole time and being bullied/picked on, first day of school 8th grade year I went to the big popular "bully" and (feel kinda bad now) knocked him against the locker and beat him to a pulp...hospitalized the kid. That day I found out I had twice the strength I ever thought possible, found out my anger issues as from that day on they flared up everywhere. To make it worse, now the "cool kids" in school wanted to hang with me since I was "cool" in their eyes now and not a wimp...well we all know the "cool kids" smoke, drink, get high etc etc. All downhill from there...
 
I don't put the blame on my bio mother but the situation itself just sucked. My adopted parents if anything I hold them accountable cause all they focused on was having this "wealthy raised Trophy kid"...they always talked about me being a Harvard/Yale student, scientist, biologist, surgeon blah blah...that's why I think they even adopted is to have some trophy kids to compete with their rich friends but not for the real love aspect of wanting children to love and cherish unconditionally. They were oblivious to the fact that for 10 years, i grew up abused, beaten, living in warfare, starved (weighed 43lbs at age 9), father attempted murder on mother at age 8...so much crap yet they just thought magically was going to go away and become this new person just because of the American culture and "things" money could buy here. They, like a lot of people I'm sure who adopt kids from a 3rd world country have no idea what they're getting into with kids that are of age and know what they've been through. Small little children is one thing but grown kids that have the experience and memories of hardships and trauma and abuse and such too many people adopting don't think about this stuff.
 
That must be tough to share. I come from a mostly 'normal' upbringing and couldn't imagine. My parents divorced around the time I was 10. My sister went to live with my mom, but that doesn't even compare to your upbringing.

Got no advice other than to say that I'm so glad you have the Lord in your life, and to lean on him. I can't speak to anything else but will pray for you for wisdom and discernment. Hopefully others will be able to help with some sound advice. If you stuck it through all you've faced on here, you should have no problem with them :)

Edit- just saw the last post. I wrote this before seeing it.
 
broncosbybart said:
That must be tough to share.
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it is but same time most of this kinda stuff I've never shared with anyone but my wife. My parents never wanted to hear it, not something i tell any stranger cause they probably wouldn't want to hear it and sometimes i guess it just kinda feels a little relief to just talk about some stuff. I never know either if I might meet someone who shares a similar story of their growing up life and i know that can really help someone feel their not alone with what hell life might have brought them.
I by no means do I share to get sympathy or empathy from anyone though, so please nobody think that. I'm accountable for my own choices and life mishaps I know. It just is what it is.
 
broncosbybart said:
That must be tough to share. I come from a mostly 'normal' upbringing and couldn't imagine. My parents divorced around the time I was 10. My sister went to live with my mom, but that doesn't even compare to your upbringing.

Got no advice other than to say that I'm so glad you have the Lord in your life, and to lean on him. I can't speak to anything else but will pray for you for wisdom and discernment. Hopefully others will be able to help with some sound advice. If you stuck it through all you've faced on here, you should have no problem with them :)

Edit- just saw the last post. I wrote this before seeing it.
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Other than a divorce, I led the Leave it to Beaver life also. My wife on the other hand had things a little rough through life. When she and her brother tell some of their stories I almost feel like they're lying but I know they're not. I just can't imagine how different life can be.


Good luck John, I hope things work out well for you.
 
broncosbybart said:
If you stuck it through all you've faced on here, you should have no problem with them :)
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well now you know a little bit of "How" i've been able to take some of the stuff from here lol, became a pretty tough minded individual and with God's help, has made me able to cope with people of all types and criticism of all type, weather positive or negative.
 
GotWood said:
I almost feel like they're lying but I know they're not. I just can't imagine how different life can be.
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OMG I get told this all the time from my wife when she used to hear the stories of growing up in Romania and the hell I went through the school system growing up here. She didn't believe it either, till many years ago she met a high school friend of mine who shared the same stories and he brought up even worse things...things I wouldn't ever tell her (ya dummy lol). Most people would never believe the things that I've lived through if I told them.
 
Now yall know why the military didn't work out good for me....bunch of strange grown men yelling in my face, calling me white trash and all sworts of names for no reason, getting up in my face everyday....nah bruh I don't think so. My father did enough of that with the physical and worse.
 
John I know we all give you a hard time around here (it really is mostly for your own good, but you listen as well as a brick wall) but I appreciate you sharing. It helps me understand where you're coming from and also helps others who may have been through similar situations. We may be a bunch of smartass jerks, but I swear this is the most genuine and caring bunch of smartass jerks on the entire internet.
 
jeepinmatt said:
John I know we all give you a hard time around here (it really is mostly for your own good, but you listen as well as a brick wall) but I appreciate you sharing. It helps me understand where you're coming from and also helps others who may have been through similar situations. We may be a bunch of smartass jerks, but I swear this is the most genuine and caring bunch of smartass jerks on the entire internet.
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thanks bud. I feel like long ago I should've shared some of my story. Again not to gain sympathy, but it would've helped a lot in some of the discussions and topics and perspectives that I've shared and I guess to small degree, only small, maybe some people would've taken a little easier on me knowing "holy crap, this dude's got some issues" lol haha.
It's all good though, honestly to be real the crap I've taken from people here is so miniscule compared to what I've dealt with, it has been mostly a cake walk to deal with compared to growing up here and abroad!!
 
Good luck to ya John. I'm adopted myself but was so when I was a baby. Met my biological mother 23 years ago when I was 22. We had an on again off again relationship until she passed away from cancer 8 years ago. I think both of us had expectations the other couldn't meet but I was able to see her 4 straight weekends before she passed and we were able to end on a good note and for that I'm grateful. I always respected her for having me she was 13 when she gave birth to me
 
Good luck, John.
I too was adopted and a product of foster care and appreciate some of the sentiments about why some folks get into it.

I went through a period of re-connection with my bio father years ago and ultimately called it off. Am still in contact with bio Mom and while our relationship is "weird" its present.

I hope that however this progresses you find some peace in it.
 
GotWood said:
On a lighter note, how the hell does every one of John's posts end up being multiple pages? I believe he could start a discussion about dog turds and it would fill five pages.
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Isn't that what most of his posts are about? Picking up a turd by the clean end?
 
boy what a day it's been...lots of connection and information and holy cow, memories from the library up there that I didn't expect to start coming back were and well, it's def an interesting but fulfililng time of my life for sure. Kinda crazy how the brain start remembering stuff now that we're talking about it. I go to do video chat with both sisters and brother, tomorrow will be with my mom. Wow this is crazy weird....hanging on, whew.
 
GotWood said:
I want to know if their as bat shit crazy as you are:D!
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LOL LOL no they seem to be actually doing pretty well (way better than my sorry butt)..my older brother especially he is very wealthy apparently because he's offered to pay for the full trip for us to go visit no matter the cost. Told him my wife can't fly so would have to be by ship (that's pretty expensive) and he still said no problem, you come now lol. I'm overwhelmed with all the long missed love, connection and acceptance from all of them. I don't even really know how to register it completely yet.
Problem with taking a ship to visit is that's 15days there, 15 days back (no unplanned issues/delays), then a week to hang out at least so we're talking a good solid 6 week trip/vacation to visit...WHEW It's crazy thinking about it honestly.....Can't really leave a rental house, job, bills and such for 6 weeks and still be here without having all those planned for/fixed/prepared ahead of time so I dunno....that's the update
 
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