How to be less negative>?

Cherokeekid88

Cherokeekid88

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jun 30, 2007
Location
High Point, NC
Somedays, I stop and think to myself exactly how negative I am. Things that people do irritate me so badly. People who make illegal u turns, people that don't use turn signals when they turn, how dumb people act towards things, just all these little things that when I see them happen, I just say the worst things in my head or to myself. Anyone else like this? I try to shut it off whenever I catch myself doing it, but man it feels so good just to say it...maybe I am just being honest to keep from bottling it up inside and then exploding when something little happens.
 
quit giving a shit. that's what i did. I used to get worked up over all kinds of trivial stuff and then I asked myself what was the point? I can't change it and other than a general nuissance it doesn't really affect me. so why should I care?
 
In general, very little that happens in life actually matters to YOUR life. Knowing that is what keeps me from getting worked up over things. So what if some asshole cant drive? Unless he drives into me, i don't care. Once you get that totally ingrained in your mind, the rest comes easy.

Cue all the people to say "BUT THAT ASSHOLE DRIVER COULD HAVE RUN OVER A BUS FULL OF NUNS!" and while that is true, and isnt to be taken lightly, the facts are that it didnt happen and worrying about what didn't happen is a huge waste of time.


Edit: In other words, I'm right there with orangecherokee...
 
Yeah I really need to work on that. I think not caring so much will allow me to be more calm. I don't know if I can completely not give a chit, but I need to let alot of things go that normall irritate me.
I am gonna start tomorrow and see if I can make it through the whole day without complaining about something stupid.
 
with me it went in 2 phases. I used to get mad and then I would turn into an asshole to try and make them mad. who doesn't like being an asshole? I used to love it and I would go out of my way to be one but that was mainly because of habit. It was fun to me.

I still remember one of my bosses commenting out loud after I had one of my usual retorts during a meeting. "You are such an asshole" :lol: however, he was serious and I was not. To me it was just too easy to comment on people doing dumb stuff. if I was going to have to put up with your stupidity, then you were going to have to pay for it by looking an idiot or me getting a laugh at your expense.

later on in life, I figured out this isn't who I wanted to be either. however, it still creeps in from time to time but in general I try to be a very nice person to others. i just had to stop caring what others did. this may be your route too. take it from a Cherokee elder on this one ;)
 
orangecherokee said:
with me it went in 2 phases. I used to get mad and then I would turn into an asshole to try and make them mad. who doesn't like being an asshole? I used to love it and I would go out of my way to be one but that was mainly because of habit. It was fun to me.
I still remember one of my bosses commenting out loud after I had one of my usual retorts during a meeting. "You are such an asshole" :lol: however, he was serious and I was not. To me it was just too easy to comment on people doing dumb stuff. if I was going to have to put up with your stupidity, then you were going to have to pay for it by looking an idiot or me getting a laugh at your expense.
later on in life, I figured out this isn't who I wanted to be either. however, it still creeps in from time to time but in general I try to be a very nice person to others. i just had to stop caring what others did. this may be your route too. take it from a Cherokee elder on this one ;)
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WOW! that is me! I do the exact same thing now...although I am one of the nicest people you will ever meet...but...if you make me mad, I will go out of my way and do everything in my power to make sure you know it...this comes out mainly at work. I need to stop for 2 reasons....I don't like the person that I am becoming and also, I fear that one day I am gonna get fired for something I did or didn't do.
 
Stay away from people.


Apathy ( not caring ) really isn't the answer. Eventually it brings it's own kind of misery that I think is worse. And it can creep into parts of your life you don't want it in.

Matt
 
A wise man (who sells hot dogs) once said, "Worry is a waste of imagination."
 
The key for me is awareness of my spiritual nature, which is permanent, rather than my human nature, which is temporary. Kind of goes along with some of what has already been mentioned. The "things" that happen in our everyday lives are not real effects. They are just what we think they are in our minds. They have no basis as fact, they are subjective. Spend time getting in touch with your spiritual nature, becoming consciously aware of the presence of a Master Of The Universe and your human nature will change to reflect your consciousness.
 
thats fairly deep JC, so are you also saying without being sort of settled within you remain outwardly unsettled by useless events or things going on around you. If thats true then I'm in the same boat since I more or less stay more irritated at "stupid people" instead of focusing on improving myself. Its my greatest flaw, I admit that openly. But I'd also like to fix it.
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
although I am one of the nicest people you will ever meet...but...if you make me mad, I will go out of my way and do everything in my power to make sure you know it....
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I think I am the opposite...If you make me mad, I will do everything in my power to make sure you DONT GET THE SATISFACTION of knowing it.

My 6 year old talks about the mean kids in school, I often tell her to make sure she is extra nice and even go as far as telling them they have a nice smile, or some kind of compliment that will hopefully make them more aware of what being nice is about. I believe the mean kids are missing something at home...niceness!

Someone was picking on her glasses, she came home crying...I told her to tell the kid that the glasses help her see how nice that kids hair looked...My wife said I was insane(she is opposite..she would have had my kid punch that kid if she could) HOWEVER...My daughter told the kid the next day that her glasses helped her see how nice the other kids backpack looked and he has been her friend ever since...I think it was a win on a larger level than even my wife will ever understand.


I have a bunch of thoughts about the topic of this thread, and alot of advice...but I am saving it for my own dr. Phill show!
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
WOW! that is me! I do the exact same thing now...although I am one of the nicest people you will ever meet...but...if you make me mad, I will go out of my way and do everything in my power to make sure you know it...this comes out mainly at work. I need to stop for 2 reasons....I don't like the person that I am becoming and also, I fear that one day I am gonna get fired for something I did or didn't do.
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yeah i guess i was lucky. I've always been a hard worker and it shows in what I do. I guess they figure they could put up with me as long as I was doing a kick ass job for them.

Lizooki said:
Stay away from people.
Apathy ( not caring ) really isn't the answer. Eventually it brings it's own kind of misery that I think is worse. And it can creep into parts of your life you don't want it in.
Matt
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this is true somewhat. I find myself sometimes disconnected from certain situations. not real sure if it's apathy but it's like I don't have the natural emotions I think others would have in the same situation. such as some guy gets run over in front of us. I'd think "damn that sucks... let's go get tacos" while everyone else is crying and running around trying to figure out what just happened.
 
this is a really deep subject for a 4x4 forum.

i would say my problem is i am too cynical. i will go out of my way to help people and always end up getting screwed for it. i have learned that people suck, and most of the time, their interests are all that matter. our society has created this, and the good people in the world have to live with the consequences.

my way to combat this is being brutally honest. if your a dick, i will probably be the one to tell you, your being a dick.
my wife says i'm an asshole,and i'm mean. i would rather be an asshole and tell you what i feel, rather than pussyfoot around and you never know the truth.
 
Lizooki said:
Stay away from people.
Apathy ( not caring ) really isn't the answer. Eventually it brings it's own kind of misery that I think is worse. And it can creep into parts of your life you don't want it in.
Matt
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I dont think it's apathy that these guys are referring to; it's more of a calculated decision to not respond to everything undesirable that happens around one's self (or in the world).
 
Hurley said:
I dont think it's apathy that these guys are referring to; it's more of a calculated decision to not respond to everything undesirable that happens around one's self (or in the world).
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Exactly. It isn't apathy, it's picking your battles, and knowing that 99% of them aren't worth fighting.
 
Hey, I got my mind right in the nut house. So everyone finds their center or zen or whatever you want to call it different ways.

Now granted, occasionally things happen that "damage our calm", but the big thing to tell yourself is to "just let it go".

If something happens and you can't control it, just let it go.

You'd be better of yelling at the sun or the moon for being in the sky, than spending the energy focusing/getting upset over things you can't fix, change, or control.

I HAVE found however that sometimes people find a calm and cool demeanor infuriating, especially when they are pissed off, and do something to illicit a response and do not get the reaction they were seeking.
 
I heard this quote for the first time in a video about Doug Henry. It stuck with me, and I searched it out and printed it out so I could read it from time to time to reset myself when needed.


“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”
 
transman731 said:
i would say my problem is i am too cynical. i will go out of my way to help people and always end up getting screwed for it. i have learned that people suck, and most of the time, their interests are all that matter. our society has created this, and the good people in the world have to live with the consequences.
my way to combat this is being brutally honest.
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Me too, almost exactly what you posted. I really don't mind it now either. I used to, but really in the end theres not much to do to change it, and honestly I believe people who walk around constantly with a smile on their face are either faking it, don't live in the real world, or are high. Or all 3.
 
I like that, but ........

Most people with attitude issues are constitutionally incapable of making that change, at least that was my case as well as countless others I have talked to!

If I try to incorporate Mr Henry's advice I am only trying to effect change in my human nature. If it works, it is only as good as my ability to control my thought processes, which is the problem that got me here in the first place, and if I can maintain it it is only good for as long as I am alive.

Progress in overcoming assholeness for me came with the realization that there is another power out there. A power that transcends time, space, matter and my humanness. A power of might, wisdom, knowledge, compassion, love if you will. A power that runs the universe and knows what I need and how to give it to me. Realizing that I don't have the power to be the person I wanted to be, 50 years of trying proved that to me, and realizing that there is a force that has that power, cracked open a door to awareness that has produced a remarkable transformation in how I view and live life.
 
Macdaddy4738 said:
don't live in the real world
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That's the thing, most people think that the "real world" is our every day human life. That is only temporary and any remedy to improve our human world is also temporary.

If you can live in the real "real world" you can have permanent improvement which will translate into improvement in our temporary condition.
 
Well, I started this morning with my new outlook on life and it didn't last but 15 minutes......I pull out of my neighborhood and some lady is riding my ass and is trying to get around me. I make sure that she isn't able to get around me and that I go the speed limit, when I feel she is getting ready to pass me, I speed up so that she has to stay behind me.....I was loving it....but then I realized that I had already failed....So now I am tying to redeem myself for the rest of the day and not let anything else get to me and just think happy thoughts....

I really like what you guys are saying though..makes alot of sense. I think I just need a way to incorporate that into my life and I think I will be a much happier person.
 
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