Joke of the day!

rokntoy

rokntoy

FUCKIN SLAYER!!!
Joined
Sep 2, 2006
Location
Elkin, N.C.
Lets get a jotd thread going. In these days and times everybody needs a good laugh!:lol:

The Queen's Breasts
Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try
to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio
the Physician, the King's chief doctor.. Horatio thought about this and
said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but
it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.


Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a
little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed.


Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.

Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident,
Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if
applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests
had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to
cure the itch.


The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their
chambers.. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching
powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours,
Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts.


The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and
hailed as a hero.


Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his
payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't
have cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to
the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.


The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching
powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick.



The moral of the story - Pay your bloody bills !!!
 
lol
 
A man was laying in bed with his new girlfriend.

After having great sex, she spent the next hour just scratching his nuts, over and over, something she just seemed to love to do.

As he was enjoying it, 30 minutes later he turned and asked her, 'Why do you love doing that?'

'Because,' she replied, 'I really miss mine.'
 
what did the egg say to the boiling water..................





























its going to be awile until I get hard I just got layed by some chick
 
CBCD1179-FFB4-4618-A63D-7E4A393A94F4.jpeg
 
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a U.S. Marine Corps base. He goes to the front gate and says to the sentry, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"

To his surprise, the Marines accept him enthusiastically. They feed him at the officer's club, they fix his car at the motor pool, and they even allow him to sleep in the VIP quarters.


But as the man tries to fall asleep that night, he hears a strange sound. All through the night, he hears this sound.


The next morning, he asks the Marines what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a Marine."


The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes on his way.


Some years later, the same man again breaks down in front of the same Marine Corps base. Again the Marines accept him enthusiastically, fix his car, and allow him to stay in the VIP quarters. And that night, he hears the same strange noise that he heard years earlier.


The next morning he asks what it is, but the Marines reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a Marine."


The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a Marine, how do I become one?"


The Marines reply, "You must go to the Marine Corps Recruit Depot at Parris Island and undergo several weeks of torturous training. You will be yelled at, put down, cut down, and physically exhausted. From there you will go on to receive infantry training. You will learn how to fight, fight to survive, and fight to win. You will learn how to act the Corps, breathe the Corps, eat the Corps, sleep the Corps, be the Corps. When you finish these trials, you will be a Marine."


The man sets about his task. He goes through boot camp and advanced infantry training and is assigned to a Marine Expeditionary Unit. He is sent to fight in two small wars and three police actions.


Three years later, while on leave, he returns to the Marine Corps base where he heard that strange sound. Standing there in his dress uniform, he says, "I have joined the Corps, and I have paid my dues. I have fought for the love of God, country, and the Corps."


The Marines reply, "Congratulations. You are now a Marine. We shall now show you the way to the sound."


The Marines lead the man to a wooden door, where the base commander says, "The sound is right behind that door."


The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, "Real funny. May I have the key?"


The base commander gives him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door.


The commander gives him the key and he opens the door, only to find behind it a door made of rubies. He demands another key from the commander, who provides it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphires. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, amethyst...


Finally, the commander says, "This is the last key to the last door."


The man is relieved no end. He unlocks the door and turns the knob, and behind that door, he is amazed to find the source of the strange sound.


But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a Marine.


Sorry, there are a few minutes that you will never get back.
 
Me being the nerd I am.... :lol:

Title: A Sexual Encounter between a Capacitor and an Inductor

One evening, with his charge at full capacity, Micro Farad decided to get a cute coil to discharge him. He went to the Magnet Bar to pick up a chip called Millie Amp. He caught her out back trying self induction; fortunately, she had not damaged her solenoid. The two took off on his megacycle and rode across the Wheatstone Bridge into a magnetic field, next to a flowing current , to watch the sine waves.

Micro Farad was very much stimulated by Millie's characteristic curve. Being attractive himself, he soon had her field fully excited. He set her on the ground potential, raised his frequency, lowered her resistance, and pulled out his high voltage probe. When he inserted it in parallel, he short-circuited her shunt. Fully excited, Millie cried out, "ohm, ohm, give me mho". As he increased his tube to maximum output, her coil vibrated from the current flow. It did not take long for her shunt to reach maximum heat. Now with the excessive current shortening her shunt, Micro's capacity rapidly discharged – every electron was drained off. But that was not the end of it. Indeed, they fluxed all night, tried various connections and hookings until his bar magnet weakened, and he could no longer generate enough voltage to sustain his collapsing field. With his battery fully discharged, Micro was unable to excite his tickler, so they went home. A few weeks later, they were merged forever and oscillated happily ever after.
 
And one more... since I make cool gadgets and gizmos for a living (and as previously stated - I'm a nerd)...I think I'm going to have to put these product disclaimers in the instructions/fact sheets.

WARNING: Due to its heavy mass, this product warps the space surrounding it. No health hazards are yet known to be associated with effect.

NOTE: This product may actually be nine-dimensional but, if this is the case, functionality is not affected by the extra six dimensions.

HEALTH WARNING: This product (and every product of the Manufacturer) emits low-level nuclear radiation.

NOTE: A subatomic "glue" holds the fundamental constituents of this product together. Since the exact nature of this glue is not yet fully understood, its adhesive power cannot be guaranteed. To date, no known malfunction of the product has resulted from glue failure.

DISCLAIMER: Manufacturer is not responsible for loss should this product disappear into a wormhole.

LIMITED WARRANTY: Despite the efforts of the Manufacturer, the chaos in this package has increased since being shipped. If such chaos has rendered the product defective, Buyer shall not hold Manufacturer responsible. Claims in this regard should be aimed directly at the Shipper.

NOTE: Despite its appearance, this product is more than 99.99% empty space.

READ THIS BEFORE OPENING: According to quantum theory, this product may collapse into another state if directly observed.

HANDLE WITH CARE: This product contains countless, minute, electrically charged particles moving at extremely high speeds.

EXTREME CAUTION: This product has an energy-equivalent that, if exploded, could destroy a small town. Under no circumstance shall a User perform a mass-energy transformation on any of the contents in this package. In case of misuse, liability shall rest entirely with the User.

GUARANTEED RETURN CLAUSE: Because of the uncertainty principle, we have shipped this product with a limited speed notice. However, if shippers have disregarded our notice, we cannot guarantee that all the contents are in the box. If you discover missing components, please call the 1-800 number on the instruction sheet.

IMPORTANT: This product is composed of 100% matter: It is the responsibility of the User to make sure that it does not come in contact with antimatter. Under no circumstances will the Manufacturer be liable for User mishandling in this regard.

QUALITY STANDARD: The electrons, protons, and neutrons are guaranteed to be of same quality as those used in other products of the Manufacturer.

DISAPPEARANCE EXCLUSION: Due to quantum tunneling, there is an extremely tiny chance that this product may suddenly disappear at any time (and reappear elsewhere). The Manufacturer will not be responsible for such mysterious disappearances.

AS REQUIRED BY LAW, we must inform you that any use of this product increases the amount of disorder in the universe. As of the date shipped, Congress has not passed any bills assigning a tax on disorder pollution.

USE LIMITATION: This product cannot be guaranteed to function normally near a black hole.




Pretty sure California will have a ball with these. :lol:
 
A Catholic Priest and Jewish Rabbi walk into an alley and see a young, naked boy tied to a fence. The Priest says to the Rabbi "LET'S FUCK HIM!". The Rabbi says "OUT OF WHAT"?
 
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