Croatan_Kid
How's your hammer hangin'?
- Joined
- Nov 4, 2007
- Location
- New Bern
Mods: if you want to move it to the Garage, that's alright. I just figured I'd post here where everyone can see, if they'd like.
It's a helluva thing, death.
My first thoughts were of @77GreenMachine and his recent events with losing his mother. Then I logged in several hours ago and saw a post in the Garage where another member said yesterday was the anniversary of the loss of his mother. I don't know if some things are just coincidence and you're more highly tuned in to trying to find correlations during stressful or emotional times, but that, along with a few events yesterday...just all kinda seemed to be signs from the universe or something.
I digress.
It all began yesterday (Tuesday, February 20th) at roughly 8:30 am. I had set a couple of alarms to wake up and get to an appointment to get myself a CPAP. I had just cut off my second alarm and laid my head back on the pillow for a rousing game of "I'll just rest my eyes for a minute". Then my phone rang. It's not uncommon to have some...miscommunications...and a few rounds of phone tag with some of my family, but I quickly realized this time wasn't a false alarm.
My cousin called me.
I called my sister.
I called my uncle.
Then, I called my mom's phone.
She had been seeing a guy a while back and let him move in. While none of us necessarily care for the guy, in this instance, I'm kinda glad he was there and we didn't have days before anyone knew.
Anyway, he answers. He's slightly hysterical, but he said the EMTs were there and I managed to get him to give one of them the phone. I identified myself as her son and straight up asked if she was gone. I needed facts, ya know? Obviously, we all know the answer.
The rest of the day was slow motion and, simultaneously, a whirlwind.
I've been through this process before. Some of you may remember that my dad died back in January of 2017. That one wasn't much of a shock and was, truthfully, a bit of a relief....even though it sounds horrible to say out loud. My mom was there for us through it though. Perhaps it was the other way around. It's strange to think that this will be my new normal.
She wasn't bad off sick or anything like that. Certainly nothing pressing or life threatening that we knew of. I do find solace that this happened in her sleep, she was home in her own bed, didn't suffer, and didn't simply exist for years with something debilitating. I always say that as much as it sucks, it could always be much worse. All of my memories are of her in good health and I can't really ask for much better than that. I won't lie and say that it doesn't suck being 33 and having lost both parents.
I'm fairly well at peace with all of this. I know all the stages of grief and I know that my way of processing is anything but linear, by the book, nor remotely close to what the steps say we go through. Naturally, I had a couple of fleeting thoughts of "Did I call her enough?" and "Did I tell her I love her when we last spoke?", but I did on both accounts. I don't feel anger, no guilt, but certainly there's the overwhelming sense of being lost.
I'm not sure if I was making a point or just sorta venting here. If you take anything from it, I guess I'd have to say...if you have a parent/both parents left, call them. Go visit. Tell them you love them. Try and have them write up a will and/or their final wishes. Do the same for yourself and your kids/spouse/whomever. Certainly have some life insurance.
Luckily, we pretty well knew what my mom wanted and had talked about it some throughout the years. Sure, it's not stuff that anyone really wants to talk about, but it damn sure makes things easier for your family when the time comes.
If any of you guys have my number and want to call or text, feel free. It's not a bother and I appreciate the distraction. I know some of us are friends on Facebook and I'm sure some of yall that are FB friends may not necessarily associate my username here with my actual name, but I saw that a few of you took the time to offer condolences and such on the post my sister made and tagged me in and I damn sure appreciate it. A few of you, I've never even met, but it shows what a solid group we've got around here. It's a wonderful thing.
My mother, bless her heart, was a patient woman. Saintly, even, and to a fault. You got her patience whether you deserved it or not. She taught special education for 27½ years, medically retired from teaching after a diagnosis of MS, and finished out her last couple of years with the state as a case worker with the CDSA. She also raised myself/my sister and was married to my dad for 36 years. That alone rates her as deserving of a statue or monument.
Anyway, I said that to say this, which may hopefully help anyone else that might be going through some stuff right now too. She was very much a fan of The Serenity Prayer and Desiderata. Both are a great read, meaningful, and comforting. I think that seeing them around our house when I was younger has certainly helped me as I've gotten older.
We've got another day of working on arrangements and such. I think everything will go along smoothly. All of yall have yourselves as good a day as possible and remember to call your parents, family, friends, and loved ones!
It's a helluva thing, death.
My first thoughts were of @77GreenMachine and his recent events with losing his mother. Then I logged in several hours ago and saw a post in the Garage where another member said yesterday was the anniversary of the loss of his mother. I don't know if some things are just coincidence and you're more highly tuned in to trying to find correlations during stressful or emotional times, but that, along with a few events yesterday...just all kinda seemed to be signs from the universe or something.
I digress.
It all began yesterday (Tuesday, February 20th) at roughly 8:30 am. I had set a couple of alarms to wake up and get to an appointment to get myself a CPAP. I had just cut off my second alarm and laid my head back on the pillow for a rousing game of "I'll just rest my eyes for a minute". Then my phone rang. It's not uncommon to have some...miscommunications...and a few rounds of phone tag with some of my family, but I quickly realized this time wasn't a false alarm.
My cousin called me.
I called my sister.
I called my uncle.
Then, I called my mom's phone.
She had been seeing a guy a while back and let him move in. While none of us necessarily care for the guy, in this instance, I'm kinda glad he was there and we didn't have days before anyone knew.
Anyway, he answers. He's slightly hysterical, but he said the EMTs were there and I managed to get him to give one of them the phone. I identified myself as her son and straight up asked if she was gone. I needed facts, ya know? Obviously, we all know the answer.
The rest of the day was slow motion and, simultaneously, a whirlwind.
I've been through this process before. Some of you may remember that my dad died back in January of 2017. That one wasn't much of a shock and was, truthfully, a bit of a relief....even though it sounds horrible to say out loud. My mom was there for us through it though. Perhaps it was the other way around. It's strange to think that this will be my new normal.
She wasn't bad off sick or anything like that. Certainly nothing pressing or life threatening that we knew of. I do find solace that this happened in her sleep, she was home in her own bed, didn't suffer, and didn't simply exist for years with something debilitating. I always say that as much as it sucks, it could always be much worse. All of my memories are of her in good health and I can't really ask for much better than that. I won't lie and say that it doesn't suck being 33 and having lost both parents.
I'm fairly well at peace with all of this. I know all the stages of grief and I know that my way of processing is anything but linear, by the book, nor remotely close to what the steps say we go through. Naturally, I had a couple of fleeting thoughts of "Did I call her enough?" and "Did I tell her I love her when we last spoke?", but I did on both accounts. I don't feel anger, no guilt, but certainly there's the overwhelming sense of being lost.
I'm not sure if I was making a point or just sorta venting here. If you take anything from it, I guess I'd have to say...if you have a parent/both parents left, call them. Go visit. Tell them you love them. Try and have them write up a will and/or their final wishes. Do the same for yourself and your kids/spouse/whomever. Certainly have some life insurance.
Luckily, we pretty well knew what my mom wanted and had talked about it some throughout the years. Sure, it's not stuff that anyone really wants to talk about, but it damn sure makes things easier for your family when the time comes.
If any of you guys have my number and want to call or text, feel free. It's not a bother and I appreciate the distraction. I know some of us are friends on Facebook and I'm sure some of yall that are FB friends may not necessarily associate my username here with my actual name, but I saw that a few of you took the time to offer condolences and such on the post my sister made and tagged me in and I damn sure appreciate it. A few of you, I've never even met, but it shows what a solid group we've got around here. It's a wonderful thing.
My mother, bless her heart, was a patient woman. Saintly, even, and to a fault. You got her patience whether you deserved it or not. She taught special education for 27½ years, medically retired from teaching after a diagnosis of MS, and finished out her last couple of years with the state as a case worker with the CDSA. She also raised myself/my sister and was married to my dad for 36 years. That alone rates her as deserving of a statue or monument.
Anyway, I said that to say this, which may hopefully help anyone else that might be going through some stuff right now too. She was very much a fan of The Serenity Prayer and Desiderata. Both are a great read, meaningful, and comforting. I think that seeing them around our house when I was younger has certainly helped me as I've gotten older.
We've got another day of working on arrangements and such. I think everything will go along smoothly. All of yall have yourselves as good a day as possible and remember to call your parents, family, friends, and loved ones!
