Oldy but goody JOTD

mbalbritton

mbalbritton

#@$%!
Joined
Mar 22, 2005
Location
Lakeland, FL
It's been awhile since I've seen this one, and it cracked me up once again:

__________________________


UPS Airlines

Just in case you need a laugh:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics corrects the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way,UPS isthe only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P:Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
 
Thanks I needed a laugh!
 
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

lolololol
 
purpleTJchick said:
Wow, I want the ground crews job. That sounds like my smartass remarks
Click to expand...

You do know they do more than just make smartass remarks? right?
Eveyr now and then you have to pull a plane around too. :flipoff2:
 
That was awesome! I soo wish I could put remarks like that on my RO's, but the customer would read it and get offended at their idiocy.
 
Been working on corporate jets for 20 years, yes that's an old one and good one. They ever sent you out for some "flight line" and a bucket of "prop wash"? Some more old ones, yes we get to run them and taxi them, fly some simulaters here and there.

But,

"only a high school diploma to fix one" PLUS your A&P ticket plus avionics and IA later if you want that stuff also and then signing your name to it (liability). Stuck your head in a Gulfstream lately? It ain't made out of tinker toys like the bug smashers.
 
SSWaters said:
Been working on corporate jets for 20 years, yes that's an old one and good one. They ever sent you out for some "flight line" and a bucket of "prop wash"? Some more old ones, yes we get to run them and taxi them, fly some simulaters here and there.
But,
"only a high school diploma to fix one" PLUS your A&P ticket plus avionics and IA later if you want that stuff also and then signing your name to it (liability). Stuck your head in a Gulfstream lately? It ain't made out of tinker toys like the bug smashers.
Click to expand...

ya, I kinda figured that when I read it. I know some guys that are Avionics techs in the Marines and I certainly wouldn't throw that statement in their face. Probably should've cleared that out of the email since I don't agree with it.
 
"A&P - so overrated!" - Ouch..............but you're right!
 
Well SSWaters, guess what, I'm 21, graduated from HS in '05, and work on airplanes everyday of the week('Cept when they're nice and give us a day off)

Another note on that "Takes a college education to fly 'em, and and HS education to fix 'em" deal, when I was in Yuma, AZ, a pilot landed an aircraft with HIS PARKING BRAKE ENGAGED!!! I was like, I know it says to release parking brake in landing sequence, but oh well. Blew out all 4 mains that day. They all freaked out until they remembered we can hover-taxi. Stupid.

I always heard these were from the chAIR FORCE, do commercial planes come with Target Radar's now?

Pilots right up some of the most stupid sounding MAF's, and crew chiefs aren't far behind them in brains...
Oh yea, here's what I work on daily... Airframer
ai192.photobucket.com_albums_z109_Crank17_Picture022.jpg
 
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