Was this mean?

upnover

upnover

Grumpy, decrepit Old Man
Moderator
Joined
Mar 20, 2005
Location
Morganton NC
I was called my my oldest son on Monday. Seems his car had some issues. HE said it was the battery or the Alternator. Wanted to know if I could help him out with the repair and cost, and he would be happy to work it off doing stuff for me. HE has a baby girl a little over a year old, and a useless babymoma. (that's another story)
I told him I would pick him up after I got off work Wednesday Morning, to be ready. For most people, this would be no big deal, but he is one who has an issue with getting up early. I told him I would call when I was close so he could be out waiting.
I did, and could tell I woke him up. I was about 10 mins out when I called him. He was standing there waiting outside his apartment. I was surprised! After asking some questions, he had basically slept on the couch in his cloths, with his phone next to him, so I wouldn't leave him.
So we go to his moms house, and I put it back together. They had the battery out. I quickly ascertained it was the alternator. It was under warranty, so we went to get a replacement.
While I was at his moms, I had routinely checked his fluids. Oil was down a quart and looked like molasses, and the coolant was, about 8" down, in the radiator! I expressed my displeasure in finding this.
Just a little background, he is 27 years old, and has had maybe 6 or so cars in his care in his lifetime. He has lost engines in all of them either due to no oil or coolant. Seriously in all of them!
NO wait, as I now recall, his first car that I bought for him, that was not the issue. He just wrecked it so many times it wasn't worth fixing.
anyway
Long story short, since he had no money, I bought the $16.99 peak oil and filter special at Advance, and a gallon of antifreeze.
I had him mix the antifreeze with another jug, to make two gallons.
Oh did I mention we were working outside, in the rain, all of this time?
While I put the alternator back on, he watched me. I could have made him do it, but, a lost bolt or two and we would not have got it going. And to be honest, his skills are not that good when it comes to this type of stuff. So I put it on.
After I had all of this buttoned up, he filled the coolant, and the reservoir.
I had him to get the ramps, guided him up and then had him to spread a tarp, so he could lay down to change the oil. It started raining harder.
I handed him two wrenches, and said it is one of these. It started raining even harder. Ya know what a tarp does when laid down in the rain? it catches all the water and conveniently funnels it to where you are. :lol:
It rained even harder. he commented on the rain, and I said "Yep"
At this point, I walked away for cover. I walked in side and told his sister and brother. "he's changing his oil" as I smiled and looked outside at the pouring rain. He comes in in a few and asks where the new filter was, I told him, and he asked where the filter was on the car, I told him, and give him some direction on checking the filter when he took it off and make sure the oil seal come off with it, how to lube the new seal and how tight to put it on. He went back out to finish. I waited a while and walked back out, and he was pouring the last of the oil in the engine.
Had him crank the car, and then check the oil level. Then back the car off the ramps, put away the tarp and tools. He(we were) soaked. He was nasty, and I would imagine, chilled to the bone.
I then told him for the second time this day. that "if I ever check your fluids again, and they are low like that, you can forget about ever getting any help whatsoever with working on your stuff"
No did I maybe teach him a little something? did I get my point across? Did my words go out like a fart in the wind?
Was I mean?
 
were you mean? , no.
did your words go out like a fart in the wind? most likely
if every car he has owned has died the same fate,then this was probably not the first time you have told him how important these things are.
as far as making him work in the rain, he is not made of shit or sugar so dissolving in water isn't an issue. you have to look at all the positives you had given him, he had ramps, tools and a tarp, that's a lot more than some of the situations we have all been in.
 
Nope im 27 and hell i could do maintenance on cars at 10... You showed him an important part of life how to watch the weather before asking the ole man to help with a car repair!!! hahahahhaha the tarp part was funny why not over the car not under??? lol funny stuff good morning laugh!
 
transman731 said:
were you mean? , no.
did your words go out like a fart in the wind? most likely
if every car he has owned has died the same fate,then this was probably not the first time you have told him how important these things are.
as far as making him work in the rain, he is not made of shit or sugar so dissolving in water isn't an issue. you have to look at all the positives you had given him, he had ramps, tools and a tarp, that's a lot more than some of the situations we have all been in.
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Mean ... maybe. But he needs to grow up sometime.
I would have done the same ... or less ... I would have made him do all the work as I watched.
Heck, even my wife and 19 yr. old daughter keep an eye on the oil in their vehicles.


Matt
 
Having him install the alternator was not an option. It was a pain in the ass, even for me. Very tight area and as said, the situation was right for loosing tools or bolts/nuts in the mud. On top of that it was way past my bed time, so me doing it expedited the time I had to stay there.
Why not put the tarp over the car? well it was suggested, but we had no light. Besides what fun would that have been!? lol

Yes I have been in worse situations trying to fix my car or rig. To be truthfully, he really didn't have bad timing for the repair, the weather did. He called when it was better weather, but I couldn't help in since I had two 12 hour shifts to pull. I almost said no, but he does need the car for his job, both getting there and to work delivering Pizza. He also has a child who did have a doctors appointment to get some required shots, so we were racing the clock a little bit there.
Not sure why he allows these things(fluid levels) to go unchecked. He really is an intelligent person. He's a helluva musician. He plays many instruments and has recently started composing music. I have just not been able to get him to understand the importance of keeping his fluids checked and changed.
 
Mean? I don't think so. With both my kids, I started helping them with repair and repair cost. After a few times I could see they were starting to "expect" it. Now, I give them advise if they are having a problem, but I won't help them out anymore. My wife thinks I'm mean, but, they have to grow up sometime.

I don't mind helping out, in fact I enjoy it. The problem is, their spending habits, they blow their money and expect me to pay for repairs. Since I stopped helping, they have been better about saving.
 
I once had a female friend call me to help her with a flat tire. She was young, attractive, and stuck in a questionable neighborhood. I was right down the road with my wife, having a drink. I said "sure." We ran up there and I proceeded to show her where the jack, lug wrench, and spare tire were. Then I walked her through the process of changing her tire. I could tell both she and my wife were miffed at me, but next time this happens, she won't have to wait for help.
 
When I was 15, My dad bought me a 79 J10. He kept telling me that he would help me work on it. That never happened. I had to get a Haynes manual and learn myself. He started having me help him change the oil in his truck when I was probably 12. I am so thankful now that he never helped me with my truck. I learned so much and learned to be self sufficient. He did buy the parts I needed when I couldnt afford them and let me use his tools. Now that I am 29, I have rebuilt numerous engines and absolutely love working on cars. Thanks dad!!

Chip, were you mean? NO
Did he learn something? possibly
Will your advise go out like a fart in the wind? based on the past, possibly
 
My daughter Ivy is 14 and has been driving under the wheel
(On Dad's dead end farm road) since age 10. She also can change oil, flat tires, properly tighten bolts, etc...
She is a pure girly girl but loves to go drag racing and off roading with me. As a baby, she would sleep in her car seat and never wake up, while doing trails at URE. She understands that if she wants a car she is totaly responsible for the care of it. Making it fun and showing them the payoff for thier hard work, is the key. My son Mark built his first engine this year and it is going to take us to Baja in November. He was so proud when we dynoed it and the guys at the race shop bragged and ragged on him. At least 10 of his friends have come up to me and asked, Did Mark really build it by himself? You didnt help him? All I did was hand him tools and observe to make sure he didnt make a mistake.
 

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when I turned 16 my dad helped me buy my first tuck soon after the oil pan gasket started leaking. I told him about it and he told me i could either take it to somebody and get it fixed or he let me use his garage and tools and I could fix it myself and at the time what i thought some BS about this was the joys of owning a car. took it to a place to see how much it would cost it was in the neighborhood of $400 dollars, went to autozone where a new gasket was aboaut $30. made my choice pretty easy.
 
Seeing as I have a 14 year old that has wheeled his own rig for 5 years now you can guess my opinion. If he hasn't learned by 27 to check his own fluids I bet he never will. No fault of yours, some just don't care.
 
^ Truth. Some just don't care.

I was taught to check the oil and other fluids and how to use jumper cables... I drove an 83 diesel Suburban in HS, I needed to know those things. :lol: I was also shown how to change a tire but taught to call AAA. :lol:

I wish I'd been taught more, but then I met Shawn and actually learned to change the oil, etc. I still mostly hand him tools, but I usually know which one without asking, "what color is the handle?" :lol:
 
Sounds like you took the right approach to me......the rain just drove the point home, hopefully.
 
I once had a female friend call me to help her with a flat tire. She was young, attractive, and stuck in a questionable neighborhood. I was right down the road with my wife, having a drink. I said "sure." We ran up there and I proceeded to show her where the jack, lug wrench, and spare tire were. Then I walked her through the process of changing her tire. I could tell both she and my wife were miffed at me, but next time this happens, she won't have to wait for help.
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Good luck with that. I had the same thing happen only she drove it to my house on the rim because she was close by. Showed her everything (including jack points, safety, etc.) and even let her do a little bit of the work at each step. Three weeks later she called me in the middle of the day while I was at work from the side of I-40 wanting to know if I could come change her tire for her. Same tire...Bad valve stem from the tire shop or something. In any case, she was fully capable of doing it herself and just didn't want to try something on her own. :poop:

Some people in need want to learn so they can help themselves in the future. Some people in need just want free labor. Be wary of how much effort you give the second type because the more you put in the more they will expect.

On a positive note...When my girlfriend left work with her two female co-workers (one of whom was her manager) and found a flat tire they asked if she had AAA or if she was going to call me. She changed it herself and they seemed amazed. I was proud! :beer:
 
People who cant do simple maintenance on their own cars (Oil change, filters, wipers, air pressure) should NOT own a car.

If you dont do it for the sake of time, thats fine, but please at least know how to do it.

My sister asked me the other day "Does the air in my front tire look low?". I said I dont know, go check it. She told me she had no idea how, so I told her to check google, I wasnt doing it for her.
 
27 seems a bit old to still needing to learn this stuff but he's got to learn sometime No you weren't mean at all. I learned by helping my dad and then out of nessecity. My son can run my equipment, load and tie down everything on a trailer, and knows to check fluids, etc,.
One day when your kid is in a pinch and dads not around he will figure it out.
 
My ex wife would never check fluids or tire pressures or anything. After the divorce she called me and told me I had to come fix her car. "Hell no I don't" and I hung up. About 2 hours later she called and said she would pay me to fix it. And she did.

My new wife can about rebuild a car. I hired a friend to help me a while back because he was out of work and they were hurting for cash bad. We spent the day taking a couple of cars apart to scrap them. He kept trying to help Steph. I finally had to tell him that she knew what she was doing and if he tried to help her ( get in her way) again he was fired. At the end of the day he said, " girls aren't supposed to know how to do all that stuff"

6 years ago she couldn't even check her air pressure.
 
Chip, I appreciate the motivation and inspiration.
I try to pass things to my son every day.... little things on what to do and most importantly why. At least he has interest enough to ask what this part is or that is.
 
Not mean at all.. Some folks need to learn in life for future reference and some folks just dont care like said before..

what I find interesting is that you have that bad ass custom rig, is your son not into those things as well? Yall havent dont any projects together? For someone as talented as yourself with trucks did your son not get this gene?
 
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