My most recent:
Caller: (VERY HEAVY foreign accent) Hello, I am calling from Vindows technical department. Your computer has alerted us that you may have some malwares that is causing very much problems.
Me: OH... thank goodness you called. I was wondering what was going on. You are like a guardian angel of all things computer. What do I need to do to fix this?
Caller: OK, I am from Vindows technical department. Are you in front of your computer?
Me: I am. it looks like it's been doing something naughty. It may need a spanking for all that malware.
Caller: Is your computer turned on?
Me: I don't know. If it is, that's probably where it keeps getting viruses. It should be ashamed of itself.
Caller: What is on the screen?
Me: there's a bug on the screen. A rather large fly. Should I kill it? Is that what is giving it malware? Such a skanky computer. Like true trailer trash.
Caller: I'm sorry, but I need to access your computer to fix the malwares.
Me: From windows?
Caller: Yes, I am vindows technical department and...
Me: Yeah, you said that. I just want this dirty hussy out of here. I opened the window so take it.
Caller: Is it windows?
Me: Yes, I opened the window. Are you outside?
Caller: I don't uhhh I think I.
Me: Yes, I. I think. I think that I see you down the street. As a matter of fact, down the street is the FBI surveillance van that has been monitoring my phone calls. Did you send them?
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