So I'm finally able to sit down and muck about in Bambu Studio. I haven't had a ton of time to do this and I've been using the Handy app.
It seems like all the default profiles for filament are built for speed. Like, absurd speed. I'm thinking perhaps that's part of the issue. Overture filament is apparently okay at Bambu speeds, but not ideal. I've slowed the print speeds down to what I'm familiar dealing with Overture on. A little slow but whatever. I ordered a boat load of Bambu filament which I think is designed for their faster speeds.
I also suspect that the failures are happening because of both the print speed and because the machine has some vicious shake to it. Evidently it's built to move and the machine compensates for it, but I think coupled with the Overture not being super great at fast speeds, it's causing the problem. I've got some stabilizing feet printing now.
I also ordered a Biqu Glacial plate for it. Seems like the Bambu PEI is picky and many don't seem to think it's very good.
FWIW, Bambu customer service was super quick about responding to me. They've sent some files over they want printed to see the results. I'll try them tomorrow.
I was salty before, but frankly I haven't done enough true troubleshooting to be about that. Nothing I've printed has come from the slicer and the Handy app is only good for really quick hands off stuff.
Edit*
God I feel dumb. I strongly believe the failure was 100% related to default filament profiles trying to print at the speed of light. I'm pretty certain I'll have finished dessicant containers tomorrow with no issues at slower speeds.