Disciplining your childrens

frankenyoter

frankenyoter

No Rain, No Rainbow
Joined
Mar 17, 2009
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DARK CITY
I have a 3 yr old who seems to constantly push the limits and test my patience. So it got me to thinking... How do other people respond to this and how can one get the kid to change their outlook and behavior?
 
I'm interested in this as well. I don't have kids but it seems like more and more parents are doing NOTHING because it easier for them, that disturbs me beyond explanation. On another note, they don't call them "the terrible threes" for nothin!
 
That's pretty much what three year olds do.

We've found that the "time out chair" is pretty much the worst punishment in the world, as far as she is concerned.
 
We use the time out chair often. We make sure its somewhere that is unpleasant and away from distractions (not facing the TV or near where we typically congregate inside). It should be the same chair and only used for that purpose. Our girls hate this chair.

Also, they love gum and their princess dresses. We usually use those as motivators to be good and behave.
 
I think the answer is clearly defined in all of the above but not neat and simple like some want it to be.

Behavior modification is caused by 2 ways according to ost renowned experts.

1) Physical changes that impact ability
2) Refined decision making brought about by conscious choice

Lets eliminate number 1 for the sake of raisinig kids as I dont think anyone here advocates removing the tongue of talkative children.

In order to make number 2 happen you have to incentivize a person (young or old) to do what you want or to avoid what you dont want.
Each kid is different. If we were is a situation where I needed silence I could tell my daughter "if you are silent for 30 minutes I will give you a $1. (Or an ice cream cone, or a hug or a quarter or a gold star...any recognition)" and she will be silent. My son would look at you and say haha...yeah right. He works almost exlcusively on negative re-enforcement. "If you open your mouth again I am taking your <prized possession> away for 1 week.

The key is learning them and directing your actions towards what works.

People always point back to spankings. Spankings work for the same reason. You have to make the person hurt bad enough that they want to avoid that hurt in the future. They have to decide "my desire to not make my ass hurt over rides my desire to talk right now"

In either case if you dont follow the method up with teaching. (later in the car) "Little Johnny/Suzy I know you wanted to tslk and you know Mom and Dad always value your opinions but at the moment inside we were at a wedding. This is a special once in a lifetime event for those clowns up front and everyone else was here to hear what the funny dressed man had to say. As much as we love you, this moment was about them and not you, so you have to be quiet and let them have their moment otherwise you are being selfish"

If you dont do this critical step all you have taught them is "at that moment talkin was bad, now it is good." (or maybe Dad was being an asshole and wanted to be mean)...and the enxt time you go to a wedding you will repeat the same sequence.


There is a deeper level of character breaking but it has no place in parenting and I'll avoid even discussing it. Unfortuntely far too many managers like to spirit break.
 
As implied, a combination of rewarding good behavior and punishing bad behavior. Each child responds to different discipline differently. Also, keep the punishment/reward consistent. If you are out and your child acts out, take them out of the situation and address them the same way you would if you were home. If you hold back, because you are out in "public", they will catch on and push your limits to the point that you will not want to go out in "public".

My son can be spanked until you break your wrist and he will still pitch out. My kindergartner, however, will respond to just a change in the tone of my voice most times.

There are kids at the pool that we belong to that have no boundaries at all. It will get to a point where I am fearful of my kid getting hurt because of them and I will try (rather diplomatically) to correct their child. Most times, the parents are so clueless that their "angel child" is even doing anything wrong. Most times, I'll just say, "Let's not do this or that" so that my kid hears the same thing and even though he or she knows not to do it (and wasn't doing it themselves), they always hear consistent rules and boundaries.

Then again, I did have charges filed against me once for abuse on a female, so take what I say with a grain of salt. :)

I just try to remember, that parenting is just that. Raising a child. It's not a popularity contest.
 
At 3, it's not that they are testing your limits, it's that they are starting to use their own thinking to make decisions. Although they tend to usually make wrong ones, you have to continually push them in the right direction. When you see them start to do something wrong, let them know as soon as you can, that it's wrong, and what will happen if they do it. Stand your ground. A swat on the bottom should be only an attention getter, the chair or what ever you use should be the punishment.

On the brighter note, as they grow older, it really doesn't get easier, it just changes. There will be a time when you will think to yourself, WOW I wish she was 3 again"
 
our discipline technique for our 4 yo
1. give a stern warning
2. send to room for time out
3. good ole fashion spanking
For my 14 yo.
1. warning
2. 3+ hour lecture ( theory will not do it again so he does not have to sit through it )
3.Ground for week or more (Includes no electronics , tv, internet) we remove all from his room.
 
frankenyoter said:
I have a 3 yr old who seems to constantly push the limits and test my patience. So it got me to thinking... How do other people respond to this and how can one get the kid to change their outlook and behavior?
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Mine's got an opinion. Kids aren't really bad until they get one. Then they think theirs is the only one that matters. I usually go with what Wwildman said but I'll sometime combo the last two for good measure. Also, I cut the TV off is she doesn't listen to me. Nothing makes a little one cry like cutting Sheriff Callie off mid-cartoon.
 
ManglerYJ said:
I think mine would cry loud enough for the neighbors to call DSS on me if I did that.
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If it had been Paw Patrol they most definitely would have paid us a visit.
 
I spanked my kids... and still do, rarely need to anymore, but they know I will. I'm not afraid to spank them in public as well.

Now, I can look at them from across the room and they know it's time to STFU and act right.

One thing to remember when verbally disciplining kids is that their attention span for a lecture is about 30 seconds at most. make it brief, otherwise you just sound like Charlie Brown's teacher and they forget what you said anyway.
 
whoop dat ass, after a few good ones all you have to do is raise your eyebrow or voice a little and they snap into shape.

works for dogs too!
 
first thing we did was eliminated watching cailloo and trotro. im amazed at how much bad behavior that corrected. time outs are our go to. But out kid REALLY REALLY likes to be read two books before bed. threatening to lose book time works if time out doesnt.
 
When my daughter was that age I would threaten her with the same fate as her big sister. She would tear up because she didn't have a big sister and assumed I must have done something with her.
 
GotWood said:
When my daughter was that age I would threaten her with the same fate as her big sister. She would tear up because she didn't have a big sister and assumed I must have done something with her.
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That. Was. AWESOME.....
 
We use the love and logic style parenting and it's done well for us but she's only three. I'm nervous about the older years but we're just working very hard to make sure she understands right, wrong and consequences.
 
We believe in "1st time obey". We tell our daughter to do something once. If we have to tell her a second time, there are consequences that vary depending on the offense. We never say "I'm going to count to 3..." All that tells a child is that you are not serious until you get to 2 and a half. I heard a woman in a store counting awhile back. She had already counted to 7 and hadn't done anything. She truly looked ridiculous. Think of it like this. You're kid is running toward the road and you see a car coming. You yell "stop!" You want your kid to obey the first time you say it.
One of the best ways to ensure our daughter does what we tell her is we have her do a "repeat-back". When she verbalizes what it is she is to do and hears herself say it, we've found she is much more successful in obeying 1st time.

Not sure of your religious affiliation, but we did a small group study called Growing Kids God's Way when our daughter was around 3 or 4. You can google it. It was extremely helpful for us. And while it is Biblically based, even if you are a non-believer, you could still easily incorporate the concepts and techniques without the Scripture and be pleased with the results.
 
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