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77GreenMachine

77GreenMachine

Phillip Talton
Joined
Mar 30, 2010
Location
Trinity, NC
Who’s got young daughters? Mine is 9 quickly approaching 13 it seems.

Got an older daughter? Drop your advice here.

Today I decided I would take my daughter out on a date. Just me and her, just because. We went to my favorite “fancy place” which is Green Valley Grill.

I married a simple woman, where Chili’s and Longhorn are as good as any white table cloth joint. But for work I find myself in quite the mixture of dining on the daily. So I have come to love some 5 star dining from time to time.
As my daughter gets older, I know the time is quickly approaching that dad is lame. So this evening I took advantage of being the coolest male in her life and full blown spoiled her with dinner. The Ahi Tuna appetizer, filet mignon, roasted duck, and desert were on point. She had the filet, I had the roasted duck breast, we each ordered a desert.

But more than any of that, I took the time to put down my phone, and focus on her. We eat dinner as a family at home all the time. But it’s usually the whole family and me and the wife talking while “tolerating” what the kids have to say. Don’t judge me, I’m being honest here. I listen, but it’s a lot like “are you done yet cause I wanna tell your mother what Troy said about Clay today” going on in my head.

But this was different. While there, only with her, I was 100% focused on what she had to say, what she thought of it all, and actually having a conversation with my daughter for the evening. Teaching her the basics of proper dining, while loving every second of seeing this small human enjoy something new. Afterward we walked around some stores, REI for one, and laughed at the absurd prices people pay for some of that stuff.

I held the door for her, told her she was pretty, and listened to what she had to say. It was pretty simple and while it cost me a bit, I sit here with memories realizing I’d have gladly spent double. And I plan to do it again, even if on a smaller dining scale.

So I post this for 2 reasons… (1) are you taking the time to set the bar for how your daughter should be treated? (2) is your daughter older and do you have advice to add?



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It's great to teat her out for dinner, nothing wrong with that at all. There are many other things you can do for her also. Teaching her life skills is a big one. Teach her social skills, like real life communication. Knowing when to put down the phone, the tablet and so on, and actually use the gift God give her,...her mouth. Also, now is th time to teach her the skills she will need and use the rest of her life. Skills like shopping. Getting most of the things she needs, and some of what she wants. Give her responsibilities at home that she is the one to do them. If she does them, she gets X amount put into an account, she she doesn't do them, then, well, she won't have the money. If she is asked to do more than what's she is required, pay her some extra. Help her to work with a budget, and, teach her how to save. Teach her to write letters, some in e-mail form, some in hand written. Thank you letters is an excellent place to start. Teach her humor, jokes, and how to entertain herself without the use of tech. Card games, board games, puzzles, cross word games. All of these re-enforce social skills. Teach her phone etiquette. Other things you can teach her and spend time with her doing is a night or two out camping. Introduce her to going to thrift stores, flea markets and yard sales. How to find the deals. How to "haggle". Set aside time everyday to talk with her, and mainly, LISTEN to her! One thing you don't want, is her to be afraid to talk to you, about anything! Teach her how to recognize danger. It scares the holy crap out of me these days when reading about all these young girls being abducted, I have two grand daughters and WOW, the dangers they could face is unbelievable! Teach her how to cook, start simple, and go from there. Everything I have mentioned will aid her into becoming an adult woman, and how to survive on her own. No, not everything is on this list, just some ideas. It awesome that you are wanting to have a bond with her. Too many faters out there, and not enough "Daddies"
 
upnover said:
It's great to teat her out for dinner, nothing wrong with that at all. There are many other things you can do for her also. Teaching her life skills is a big one. Teach her social skills, like real life communication. Knowing when to put down the phone, the tablet and so on, and actually use the gift God give her,...her mouth. Also, now is th time to teach her the skills she will need and use the rest of her life. Skills like shopping. Getting most of the things she needs, and some of what she wants. Give her responsibilities at home that she is the one to do them. If she does them, she gets X amount put into an account, she she doesn't do them, then, well, she won't have the money. If she is asked to do more than what's she is required, pay her some extra. Help her to work with a budget, and, teach her how to save. Teach her to write letters, some in e-mail form, some in hand written. Thank you letters is an excellent place to start. Teach her humor, jokes, and how to entertain herself without the use of tech. Card games, board games, puzzles, cross word games. All of these re-enforce social skills. Teach her phone etiquette. Other things you can teach her and spend time with her doing is a night or two out camping. Introduce her to going to thrift stores, flea markets and yard sales. How to find the deals. How to "haggle". Set aside time everyday to talk with her, and mainly, LISTEN to her! One thing you don't want, is her to be afraid to talk to you, about anything! Teach her how to recognize danger. It scares the holy crap out of me these days when reading about all these young girls being abducted, I have two grand daughters and WOW, the dangers they could face is unbelievable! Teach her how to cook, start simple, and go from there. Everything I have mentioned will aid her into becoming an adult woman, and how to survive on her own. No, not everything is on this list, just some ideas. It awesome that you are wanting to have a bond with her. Too many faters out there, and not enough "Daddies"
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She is surprisingly well versed in everything you mentioned. We spend a lot of time doing “every day life” things with our kids. She can navigate the major highways in our state, cook an egg sandwich among other things, we play Rummy, spades, checkers and more “old school” games.

She had daily chores and gets a weekly allowance, and we explain money and budgeting regularly.

Last night was about quality one on one time just the two of us, for no reason. Something to make her feel special and set the standard. We do a lot as a family, but often I spend one on one time with each kid doing something they love.

@D2320M is constantly teaching her how to haggle as well ;)
 
My girls are 22 and 20 (this coming September)

I spent many a date with them. Sometimes one on one..sometimes JUST my girls. Every second counts. Every single second. And the attention you pay is CRITICAL for a girl as opposed to a boy. I.E. My boy rode with me to Moab and back and we MAY have had 5 or 6 conversations. But for HIM...it was just "being there" that meant so much to him. Not so much with girls. As with time with the wife...it's not enough "to just show up" You gotta perform :eek: You have to listen..and hang on every word,,and keep up with names, and be ready for a quiz, and , and, and.......

But then middle school hits. Hormones. Girl drama. Friends. Sleep overs. And soon you find out, you're either the cool parents and you have 764,283 girls at your house every single weekend and sometimes weeknights....or you don't see them on weekends. Then they get their license...and you see them 2 maybe 3 times a week in passing between school, sports, or horseback, or a job....and next thing you know you're sitting at college graduation wondering where the hell the time went.

Cherish every second. While you can

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My daughter just turned 11. She is really into roller coasters and says she wants to be an engineer and design them. You can ask her about almost any one and she will go to her journal and tell you who built it, what year, and all other specs on it. At the end of last year I bought her and I season passes to Cedar Fair (parent company that owns Carowinds and 13 other parks.) I bought the food and beverage add on as well. We get to go to all 14 parks and everything is covered except gas and lodging. At least once a month her and I do a road trip. We leave tomorrow and are going to 3 parks in 5 days. When we are in the car we sing along to Disney songs, play license plate games, and also this morbid cow game she has. When we go to the parks I leave my phone in the car and we just talk in the lines and laugh at what some people will wear in public. Seriously go to a theme park and people watch. It’s awesome. My daughter tells me everything. I hope it stays that way but I know the day will come that it will change.
 

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Tails said:
My daughter just turned 11. She is really into roller coasters and says she wants to be an engineer and design them. You can ask her about almost any one and she will go to her journal and tell you who built it, what year, and all other specs on it. At the end of last year I bought her and I season passes to Cedar Fair (parent company that owns Carowinds and 13 other parks.) I bought the food and beverage add on as well. We get to go to all 14 parks and everything is covered except gas and lodging. At least once a month her and I do a road trip. We leave tomorrow and are going to 3 parks in 5 days. When we are in the car we sing along to Disney songs, play license plate games, and also this morbid cow game she has. When we go to the parks I leave my phone in the car and we just talk in the lines and laugh at what some people will wear in public. Seriously go to a theme park and people watch. It’s awesome. My daughter tells me everything. I hope it stays that way but I know the day will come that it will change.
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That is awesome man!

People watching is my jam.

I am incredibly blessed that my daughter is all about wheeling. She would rather go on a week long wheeling trip than go to Disney, or the beach. But we do do other things too. We both like hiking, I need to make more time for that.
 
I've got a 3 year old daughter and I absolutely love being a girl dad. That being said, I have have hard time connecting with her on certain things, but her imagination she gets from me. She has actually been sick this week, So I have been at home with her since Tuesday and while I couldn't be a stay at home dad, we have had some fun this week with playing and just learning about her. I've realized that she loves to tinker with things like I do and gets frustrated when she is trying to me something, and doesn't work out how she feels they should, which she also gets from me. Lately, I have really been trying to focus all of my energy towards her and ask her questions and also ask to explain things to me. Its amazing what a three year old already knows. One thing that I love right now is her asking my wife and I to tell her a story before bed. It can be about anything and you can tell she loves us doing that. I have taken our daughter out a couple of times, just her and I, but I don't think she understand the dynamic just yet, or maybe she does... but this is something I want to try and do once a month or twice a month, just to hang out and go do whatever. I remember my Dad picking me up from elementary school early on Fridays and headed to Beef Burger in Greensboro and then on to watch the Carolina Monarchs play, I will never forget that.
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
She has actually been sick this week, So I have been at home with her since Tuesday and while I couldn't be a stay at home dad, we have had some fun this week with playing and just learning about her.
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In 2019 my daughter (5 at the time) got the flu and I stayed home with her, then I got it, so we were home together most of 2 weeks. One night she said "Daddy, I love having the flu". I asked why and she said because we got to spend more time together. My eyes might have leaked a little.

I work an 8-5 an hour away so typically see them for a couple of minutes in the morning, get home at 6 and immediately eat dinner, then the bedtime routine starts. My office has been closed since Covid so it has been awesome to spend more time with them.
 
Infamous1 said:
Well probabably not good for her future finances but my daughter (14) and I bought her first jeep, a junkass TJ to fix together for her to beat on.
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We actually have a low mileage TJ we bought with intentions of being for her. But realizing that’s still 6 years away, and some other priorities, we have decided to sell it. But she loves to tinker in the garage, and know how to completely take apart and reassemble a Dana 44/60. She’ll def have her own rig in a few years.
 
My girl and I are a lot alike in the personality department but that seems like where it ends. She's not into wheeling, not big on trips with dad to the store, definitely not into mini bikes and go carts. She does love to fish but I see her pulling back from that at times. She'll play putt putt most times but turns into a poopy pants about 3/4 of the way through the course.

My son on the other hand wants to be everywhere I am but he's slowly turning into another couch potato likes his sis, which is disturbing. Anyway, my fear is that I'll end up spending more of my time with him because he's willing to hang out with dad where she's just not interested.

Since she and I have the same personality we get pissed at the same things and get very hard headed and dig our heels in at each other. It's tough but I see time slipping more and more each day. Not sure the path forward but I've got to get a better game plan. Good on you, Phillip.
 
@McCracken i certainly don’t have it all figured out. I would certainly try to find something they each like and and spend time doing it. Even if it makes you cringe lol.

My daughter has quite the imagination. She makes up silly games, plays, silly dances and treasure hunts. Things I couldn’t care less about. I do them anyway, but not with a lot of enthusiasm if I’m being honest. I should probably try to be more into it.
Two close friends have teenagers, they tell me often to soak it all up cause there’ll be a day they don’t notice I left for work, much less come back home.
 
77GreenMachine said:
@McCracken i certainly don’t have it all figured out. I would certainly try to find something they each like and and spend time doing it. Even if it makes you cringe lol.

My daughter had quite the imagination. She makes up silly games, plays, silly dances and treasure hunts. Things I couldn’t care less about. I do then anyway, but not with a lot of enthusiasm if I’m being honest. I should probably try to be more into it.
Two close friends have teenagers, they tell me often to soak it all up cause there’ll be a day they don’t notice I left for work, much less come back home.
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Already there. My wife has to tell mine that I've arrived and will be leaving for work. My wife thinks it's important to hug and kiss before I leave. Little man still gets excited but if there's a TV on or a computer screen around she wouldn't notice if the world was falling apart.
 
Daughter or Son, does not matter, cherish every moment you can because it can be gone in an instant. That is one regret I do have is not tell Mason love ya, more than I did.

I have many a ball field daughter as I like to call them. Sarah is one of them, you see them every now and then and its like you where there yesterday. Through the years of coaching and cub scouts I always made there sisters welcomed and wanted at events. Sorry I could not add more to this.....
 
77GreenMachine said:
She is surprisingly well versed in everything you mentioned. We spend a lot of time doing “every day life” things with our kids. She can navigate the major highways in our state, cook an egg sandwich among other things, we play Rummy, spades, checkers and more “old school” games.

She had daily chores and gets a weekly allowance, and we explain money and budgeting regularly.

Last night was about quality one on one time just the two of us, for no reason. Something to make her feel special and set the standard. We do a lot as a family, but often I spend one on one time with each kid doing something they love.

@D2320M is constantly teaching her how to haggle as well ;)
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I'll be sure to keep giving age appropriate life lessons 😎
 
Kids are my favorite, always loved having younger siblings, always love coaching youth sports, always love nursery duty at church...just anything and everything kids, is so pure, innocent and full of life. So I've always looked forward to being a dad, and it flat out has not disappointed, it's even better than I could have imagined. Just had girl #3, and ironically...I always thought I had so much testosterone and adrenaline coursing through me, I'd have nothing but boys...but good lord if an 'I love you, daddy' from your baby girl can't melt the most frozen of hearts. And frankly, I claim it's for the girls, but they've taught me to really enjoy the salon and spa treatments. I generally try to do a nice-ish daddy/daughter date with each girl every month, but they've started requesting that they pick the food...so if that means I end up in a suit in Chic Fil A, that's what that means. Especially with the new kid, I'm glad my girls aren't shy about saying 'I need mommy/daddy time'. I do get a bit anxious though from time to time, because I so badly want them to know more than me, be better than me, do more than me, and I panic wondering if I'm not doing enough some times, or if I'm pushing too hard others, or if they're being exposed to the right things. But overall, you'll be hard pressed to find me without my kids, and it's definitely my favorite thing ever.
 
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Props to all the dads itt.
If I have any advice its this...there isnt a "right way" to be a dad. As long as you are there and you try you are doing it right.
The only wrong way is walking away in my opinion.

For a while my daughter and I used to have a standing breakfast appointment every Friday before school. It kinda died during covid and hasnt picked back up...she starts her senior year in a few weeks. That doesnt seem possible.
 
My daughter is 26. We adopted her at 10 years old. There have been great times and bad times, through it all love was never ever the question.

What I will impart is that no matter how well you do in raising them and instilling in them values, morals and knowledge…

At some point they WILL make their own decisions and they might not be the decisions you would choose for them.

My daughter never was a druggie or was arrested or anything crazy but she did live a life for a few years that was so opposed to her upbringing as to cause me a pain I had never known. The hardest thing I’ve ever done was let go. I still loved her and helped her with some things but I let her make her way and face the consequences of making her choices.

She was a victim, plain and simple, of a master manipulator. A person who is absolutely the best brain washer since Jim Jones. She eventually figured it out after years of abuse and ignoring pleas from all of her family and friends (even his mother begged her to get away from him).

She eventually came out of it. She’s better and back at her career. She’s living with us on this farm and my grandson is ABSOLUTELY my favorite person on earth. What Satan meant for evil, God used for good.

Life is a series of decisions. You make them every moment and your daughters will too. All you can do is guide when you can, put that love in their heart and believe that if you raise them right they’ll always come back.

Despite our best efforts, sometimes things go sideways. Faith is the only thing that will get you through it.
 
LBarr2002 said:
In 2019 my daughter (5 at the time) got the flu and I stayed home with her, then I got it, so we were home together most of 2 weeks. One night she said "Daddy, I love having the flu". I asked why and she said because we got to spend more time together. My eyes might have leaked a little.

I work an 8-5 an hour away so typically see them for a couple of minutes in the morning, get home at 6 and immediately eat dinner, then the bedtime routine starts. My office has been closed since Covid so it has been awesome to spend more time with them.
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Man, My eyes would have leaked a little too. There are times where my daughter wants to lay with me, just to watch TV or whatever and sometimes she will look up at me and say " I love you Dada" and it just melts my heart. The past 2 weeks haven't been rough by any means, just trying, but when I really think about it, I know one day I will look back and miss these times.
 
My wife and I got started later than most, I guess....I'm close enough to 40 that I can taste it. Definitely feel physically like I passed 40 about 38 years ago. Anyway, we have two daughters. Oldest is 4, youngest is 1. I wouldn't trade a damn thing for any given second I have with them. My oldest melts my heart daily with the hugs and "I love you, daddy" (trying not to leak from the eyeballs just typing that) and my youngest gets me every time I go into a room with "Da-daaaaah!"

Haven't gotten to the big life lessons as of yet, other than being polite and sharing, but dinner conversations usually consist of what color dragons and monsters she drew, and her pink unicorns, etc. etc....but I love every second of it. Cherishing all these little moments until she finds other interests, which I can only hope still include her old man. I'm hoping they both still want me around them 10-15 years from now just as they do today.
 
Great thread! I feel like we spend a lot of time in 'survival mode' and lose sight of the bigger picture. My daughter is 11 and my son is 7. I really need to take Phillip's lead on this one and spend some quality 1-on-1 time with both of them (and my wife for that matter, but that's another thread). I'm not sure which ball I'm going to drop to add this one into the juggling act, but thanks for the reminder/perspective.
 
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