We are building this year. Some stuff that we have done and some things to think about, in totally random order:
Find out how much you can afford. Be wary of scope creep. Make a budget. And stick to it. Don't be tempted by "we're spending 500 thousand, whats another thousand...or ten thousand". Talk to a financial advisor, and be sure of what you can truly afford. We built our current house in 2002. Qualified for around $600k loan. We built a $115k house. That sub-$700 payment sure was nice come 2009 when things dried up (most of my clients were in the construction industry).
Read up on energy effiiciency, green building, etc....then forget most of what you have read. We are targeting to build "a little better house"....better than average energy-wise, but still where we will meet a break-even point while we are still living (and taking inflation and future energy costs into consideration). Lots of things to do to be energy efficient, but payback is too long to be realistic.
Look at hundreds/thousands of canned plans. Lots of house plan websites out there. Then get out some paper and draw up your own. After we had our basic floor plan and hand-drawn elevations, I took them to a local draftsman (that does drawing for most of the builders around here) and had her draw up a full set of plans. Cost $600 (way less than the cost of the canned plans).
Be prepared to make a lot of phone calls. Of all the builders, graders, sales people, septic guys, surveyors, etc I have called in the past few months, have only gotten replies from at best 2 out of 5.
Go to the local home shows. You'll get lots of ideas, inspiration, and make some contacts with folks you may use, or sources for some items. Raleigh convention ("downtown") show is Feb, Southern Ideal at fairgrounds is in April IIRC. Go hit local kitchen/bath showrooms for ideas. Be able to mentally separate what you like from what you can afford. Look other places than Lowes and HD for your lights and plumbing. We have looked at a bunch of under-construction houses and open houses....and most all of them get their fixtures from Lowes/HD....and you keep seeing the same stuff everywhere.
Draw up a budget. Be sure and include a contingency allowance. I did 10% of the entire project cost (land, land devel., house construction, shop build, driveway, etc). (and I am pretty anal about doing estimates). We already had one surprise with the costs of the septic as specified by the county. Don't forget $ for things like blinds, curtains, rugs, misc. furniture, etc....I figure we'll blow about $25k on stuff like that between getting the CO and moving in. Here are the major line items on our budget list:
Land and closing fees
New construction impact fee (if required by your county) (I hear Chatham is now $3.5k)
Legal Fees – Closing (lawyer, title insurance, recording of deed, etc)
House Plans (local draftsman)
Survey (mark corners, flag lines, etc)
Soils Test (soil scientist to locate possible septic locations)
Septic application (county)
Septic construction permit (county)
Temp power pole
Power line installation
Phone Line installation
Land clearing
Driveway/access road construction
Repair driveway after underground services installed
Well and piping well to house
Water softener if hard water
Water Tap Fee (county)
Waterline trench and fill – backhoe
Waterline installation – pipe and labor
House construction
Construction insurance policy
Permits (building, elect, plumbing, mechanical) (for house)
septic system defined by permit
Shop construction
Permits (building, elect, plumbing, mechanical) (for shop)
Shop – clearing and grading site
Shop – interior walls and finish
Shop – electrical
Shop - exterior concrete
Carport/Concrete Pad
Concrete drive/parking 2400sf (12x200')
House Misc – furniture, window treatments, rugs
Tractor/FEL
Alarm system and extras
Video system
Moving Expenses
Farm Gates (4)
Fencing
Auto start generator system (small)
500+lb propane tank
Last of all, have fun! For most, house-building is a once-in-a-lifetime event. It can make a marriage stronger, or break it.