How to deal with kids that aren't yours

Jake.

Jake.

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 18, 2013
Location
Middlesex
So long story short, my girlfriend and I are living together. She has a six year old daughter that sometimes acts like she has some sense but 75 percent of the time is ignorant, disrespectful, hateful and plain thinks I am a joke. She already thinks her mother is a joke as it takes 5 or 6 times of telling her something to get her to do it. She listens to me almost never. We got in an argument earlier because at the table I said something and she just laughed non stop at me like it was a joke and I was being totally serious. I am at wits end and I don't have many more options but to pack my shit and leave. I just need some insight from the wiser folks on here. I don't want to go but I cannot deal with a disrespectful youngin.
 
You have to find what gets her attention. Our youngest(my 6year old step son) we have to take away his toys, we also started a reward system for days that he doesn't talk back...... That said it has been hard because of the mommy lets me and mommy lets him talk back to her, this drives me up the wall but she has finally started cracking down on it. She has put up with it because he is good at school and everywhere else. How does she do at school?
 
First thing is to get serious with Mom, if Mom can't or won't gain control, you've got little chance as you have no back up. If you're not both on the same page and absolutely consistent, you (both) loose, she ( the kid ) will keep pushing to see how far she can go, just be damn sure there is no way she can toss you under the bus for abuse, if baby daddy is in the picture anywhere, it's gonna be a tough road.
 
She is good at school most days. They have a color scale that rates how they have done each day. Usually she does good there but it's like once she gets home she thinks she runs the world. Also she has the "entitled" attitude. She thinks since she got the best rating for behavior at school that she should get something for it. I'm like no, you're supposed to do good regardless. We've tried taking away her television in her room, and also her fourwheeler but that only works a day at a time. She used to get ass whoopins regularly from her mother but she laughs at that now
 
Mom and you have to same page as said before. Also have her talk to a counselor or shrink. I did not believe too much in this until I started with my son when he was having issues and it helps a lot. Good luck and we will send a prayer your way...
 
Like one guy said, you gotta make sure Mom is serious. You need to have a talk with her, in the sense of one day it will just be you and her when the kids grown, but you gotta make it thru this first. And that if you have a kid of your own you would be doing things differently.
I was fortunate that my wifes (as of yesterday) daughter is young enough that she knows me as the only male role model around.
Now at first Lindsay always had the excuse "well she's only 2" or "she's being a kid". It was hard, but I finally got it thru her head how important it was to correct her when she gave attitude. Now although I feel Lindsay still gives her too many warnings, she will pop her butt now and get her back in line. It works. It sounds as if this get hasn't had that enough and is in need of some act right. I have not had to pop my step daughter yet but the day will soon come. Usually when I talk to her in a stern voice its enough. But its a different story in your shoes. Wish I had a great answer for you, but think the most important thing is talking to your woman and seeing how she feels about it. Does SHE take you seriously? Does she make excuses for the kids actions? Your gonna have to nip this in the butt sooner than later or it will drive a wedge between you two.
 
[QUOTE="Jake., post: 1263547, member: 19560" Also she has the "entitled" attitude. She thinks since she got the best rating for behavior at school that she should get something for it. I'm like no, you're supposed to do good regardless. We've tried taking away her television in her room, and also her fourwheeler but that only works a day at a time. She used to get ass whoopins regularly from her mother but she laughs at that now[/QUOTE]

If she's used to getting what she wants all the time, the entitled attitude isn't going to change.

6yrs old and a TV in her room ? sorry, thats something I see as a problem ( which could be adding to her behavior issues ), a four wheeler is a reward, she'd get use of that ( and continued use of ) for behavior and performance rewards.

we have ONE TV in the house in the living room, iPad,iPod stay in living room, and under our supervision, and locked down so we know when and what she is watching/playing.

I do not like a lot of the things our daughter watches, most of it is stupid brainless kid stuff ( todays kid shows SUCK ), she does tend to gravitate to the more violent fighting, shooting and argumentative type shows, which get shut down pretty quick
Early on @ 3-4yo we learned that watching Lilo and Stitch had a BIG effect on how she behaved afterward, so we watch closely what she does watch. Stitch is funny, but little minds don't process it as funny, but as a way to perform, the talking back and acting out was crazy after letting her watch.

Get your girl onboard and figure out what you need/can do, too many ass whoppings don't get the attention like they did in the beginning.

the response/attitude you're getting is one she's learned from TV and other kids who get away with a lot of shit too. If she's been in daycare for any length of time, the attitude there can have a great effect as well.
 
^^he's very right.
Idk who said it on here once but they mentioned how Disney channel is so corrupt. That couldn't be more true. They said those kids on those shows run the parents, and that's exactly what happens if you watch and that's half the problem with today's youth.
 
First, as said, you and the old lady need to be on the same page.

Next, you have to find out what the kids currency is. If it's the TV, take it away. If it's play time with friends, take it away.

Unfortunately, as the boyfriend, your hands will be tied if mama doesn't agree.
 
Your only authority in the situation comes from the mom. If she isn't willing to back you up you're sunk.
 
77GreenMachine said:
^^he's very right.
Idk who said it on here once but they mentioned how Disney channel is so corrupt. That couldn't be more true. They said those kids on those shows run the parents, and that's exactly what happens if you watch and that's half the problem with today's youth.
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When my youngest was acting up,I had to remind her forcefully that her life wasn't a disney or a teen nick show.Did that more than once.She turns 17 in a couple of months and she has def. turned out better than the way she was going through her early tween/teen years.
 
GotWood said:
Impossible job. Deal with it or leave. Sooner or later most 6 year olds turn into teenagers.
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THIS.... It only gets worse until they move out, you move out, or the Sheriff shows up, or one or the other meets the mortician.
 
I disagree with impossible.
However its not easy and far too many give up too soon.

(One caveat if you inherit the problem when the child is already self sufficient it is a lot harder without physical force..)

AT 6 her world depends on you. She cant eat without you. She cant get anywhere without you. Her very survival is endebted to you and her mom. She needs to conceptually understand this. Example: My son through his plate int he floor and called his mom's dinner disgusting once at 6. He was spanked, made to apologize, sent to bed without dinner. For the next 24 hours he got water and 2 cheese sandwiches(something he hated but would eat) . He learned that while not tasty he could survive...they were intentionally spaced so for the first time in his life i suspect he "felt" hunger. The process was controlled and loving not abusive. To this day (13) he talks about that lesson.

Punishment/correction has to be firm, consistent and logical. It is no place for emotion. It must be cold and clinical.

However FIRST the mom and you HAVE to be 100% on the same page or it is doomed. See the consistent statement above. A child who doesnt know what the response would be can not be expected to act any certain way.
 
If she already thinks her mother is a joke, I'd venture to guess that her mother has been from guy to guy and introducing her to the "flavor of the week" way to early. If she doesn't respect her own flesh-and-blood mother, she will never appreciate or respect you.

I can tell you that I have been married for 10 years now and my wife had two daughters when I met her. There have been more than our fair share of fights between the girls and her mom, the girls and me and between me and my wife as a result. It has been worth the fight, but at one point, the older one tried to have me arrested for assault because I was defending my wife from her when my wife was 6 months pregnant after having a prior miscarriage. She recanted her story and the charges were dropped, but it still cost a LOT.
 
I think we're beatin ga dead horse w/ consistency here but...
Ron said:
Punishment/correction has to be firm, consistent and logical. It is no place for emotion. It must be cold and clinical.

However FIRST the mom and you HAVE to be 100% on the same page or it is doomed. See the consistent statement above. A child who doesnt know what the response would be can not be expected to act any certain way.
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this pretty much sums it up.
From Day 1, it is a "war" between parents and kids. Parents MUST be a unified front at all times no matter what.
There are times when Rachael and I do not see eye to eye on a response one of us made to the kids, however we still always back each other up and go along anyway then discuss it later out of earshot. But the key is that we are in agreement about parenting styles ahead of time and discuss it/reaffirm with each other often.
 
all I can add is this.

If she laughs when momma gives her a spanking, get momma a good paddle and start weight training.
 
Bogleparsons said:
all I can add is this.

If she laughs when momma gives her a spanking, get momma a good paddle and start weight training.
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lol, i was raised by a marine and taught pain isnt real, push forward. Needless to say the last spanking i received my mom broke a broom handle over my ass. situation needed re-evaluating after that.
 
I remember getting the belt once in elementary school. There were others but this time stuck with me. I never talked back to my teacher again. Well to the point they called my dad. Mom use to bust blood vessels in her hand from spanking me so hard. Never misbehaved in church again.
 
I have been spending a lot of time with girls with kids over the past year or so and have come to the conclusion that the overly strict parents are just as bad as the girls who aren't strict enough or at all. I have also learned that these kids almost always mirror the mothers actions. Kids scare the hell out of me but I am trying to improve my behavior. I have a tendency to treat kids like dogs, snapping at them, whistling, and referring to them as "IT" which rarely goes well with the mothers.

A bit over a month ago I was spending a lot of time with a girl with a 3 year old little girl. She was very well behaved normally, didn't really cry or scream, listened to me when I called her. Only negative was that she would randomly come over to me, climb up on my lap, and hit me in the face with whatever weapon she could get her hands on, usually mommys cell phone. Which she thought was hilarious. I can only imagine she learned this from her mother, because thats exactly how mommy acted whenever she was mad at me or I wasn't paying attention yada yada... Like mother like daughter.

The other day I bumped into a girl I have been talking to some lately completely coincidental but we both had no plans and she had her daughter with, so we went to Celebration Station and rode go carts and played putt putt, the little girl was well behaved, but insistant that before we moved on from each hole both her mother and I had to look at her ball in the hole, and give her a high five. I can deal with that, shes a kid and wants positive reinforcement. All good and well until we go to leave and she throws a tantrum because "I wanna buy something" and her mother asks me if we could just buy the prizes instead of playing the games... Like... Wait... Your going to tolerate and encourage this behavior? Yikes...

All that being said... If you can't get the mother to step her game up NOW, its time to go. 6 years old is gonna be hard to re train especially without the mothers help. Time to run like hell before your in too deep.
 
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