How to deal with kids that aren't yours

[UTfball68]

Don't have kids...and is probably considered abuse today...but the rule in my house was always if you could sit after a beating, you weren't getting hit hard enough. So if she's laughing, hit harder. Bruises on my ass from a leather belt seemed to work pretty well for the kids in my family.

 

[77GreenMachine]

Update from OP? What's the status on this situation?

 

[RobMcBee]

hopefully he took the wise advise given and GTFO........

 

[drkelly]

Don't have kids...and is probably considered abuse today...but the rule in my house was always if you could sit after a beating, you weren't getting hit hard enough. So if she's laughing, hit harder. Bruises on my ass from a leather belt seemed to work pretty well for the kids in my family.

Come back and let us know how you feel when you have kids of your own. It changed me in many ways that I was not expecting. I am very over protective of my son. I thought I would be just the opposite. I also had a lot of trouble bringing myself to discipline him.

 

[McCracken]

Come back and let us know how you feel when you have kids of your own. It changed me in many ways that I was not expecting. I am very over protective of my son. I thought I would be just the opposite. I also had a lot of trouble bringing myself to discipline him.

Not me. I've had to light my kid up before and I didn't think twice. The good thing is that she's 3 1/2 now and the spankings are minimal. Typically, a stern voice or the countdown do the trick.

 

[UTfball68]

Come back and let us know how you feel when you have kids of your own. It changed me in many ways that I was not expecting. I am very over protective of my son. I thought I would be just the opposite. I also had a lot of trouble bringing myself to discipline him.

I wasn't saying I'd be that way...just the way I was raised...and it's seemed to work out pretty well for all of us...oldest is a PA, I'm a finance controller, next is a Nurse with a 75k/yr side business, next is a model for New York Models...and I wouldn't expect any less from the 13 year old.

Again...I don't have kids, but I'm around them all the time...I coach youth football, I volunteer at the Charlotte Ronald McDonald house, I run the nursery at my church, I mentor at schools, there are 5 kids in my family under the age of 13...so I do know a thing or two about kids...and the funniest thing is, NO parent ever thinks they have the worthless child. And show me a kid that's never had an ass beating, and I'll show you a kid that needs it. Parenting and discipline doesn't/shouldn't start when a problem starts, or the kid isn't cute anymore...if it does, the kid is already gone. I don't have to be a pilot to know the sky is blue, and I don't have to be a parent to recognize crappy parenting. But I am young and dumb and know everything...so I guess we'll see.

 

[Ron]

And show me a kid that's never had an ass beating, and I'll show you a kid that needs it.

I used to feel this way and mine have both been spanked.

That said my younger sister never physically disciplines...she calmly talks and teaches. Her kids are well behaved and it works. I dont have the patience she has but she has 4 kids under 7... her thought process is if you have to hit to teach the point you are a poor teacher with your words and examples.

I cant argue her logic, I always just say thats why i am an engineer cause Im a shity teacher.

 

[UTfball68]

I used to feel this way and mine have both been spanked.

That said my younger sister never physically disciplines...she calmly talks and teaches. Her kids are well behaved and it works. I dont have the patience she has but she has 4 kids under 7... her thought process is if you have to hit to teach the point you are a poor teacher with your words and examples.

I cant argue her logic, I always just say thats why i am an engineer cause Im a shity teacher.

That is what I've noticed...the younger the kid, the easier it is to talk to them. But I feel those are the important years to instill that fear/respect ratio in a child. It's that innate subconscious fear that reminds pubescent male elephants (teenagers) who the big dog is. They don't have a bull elephant (parents) to whoop their ass and keep them in line...good luck. It's not just my opinion, or me being a know-it-all that hasn't been a parent, it's a primal instinct. I'd be interested in seeing how good these kids are as they get older. My sister used to be the same way...never touched her children, she didn't want to be abusive like dear old mom and dad...that was until one day enough was enough with her 13 year old son. Once he realized the only consequence was a stern talking to, somewhere around age 11, he became extremely worthless and didn't have the best reputation...all the talking in the world, and grounding and chores as punishment and taking cell phones and gaming systems away and no tv, and taking him to a shrink, etc etc...didn't work. Smack him around a couple times and no he's getting back on the right track, good grades, getting involved in sports, etc. But I fully believe, if he had a healthy stern hand in his life before his rough patch, there never would have been a rough patch. Like I said, talking is fine, but what happens when talking doesn't work anymore??? You try to start parenting and offering some sort of legitimate discipline once the problem starts...I hope the child isn't already too far gone.

 

[Granny]

Back in my youth a good old fashioned ass-warming generally took care of most bad behavior... in fact, the very thought of an ass-warming usually prevented bad behavior from happening to start with. Getting snotty with mom or dad would get you an ass-warming. Getting snotty with your neighbor's mom or dad would get you an ass-warming from them, then you got another one (worse) when you got home. That practice would be called child abuse today, but it seems sort of funny that most of us who received those abusive ass-warmings turned out OK... and I speak as one of them.

For the record... both of our sons know what an ass-warming is, and they turned out OK. Our grandkids don't really know about ass-warmings, but when they visit grandma & grandpa's home they behave pretty well. I sometimes wonder what sort of stories our boys have told them.

 

[ManglerYJ]

I used to feel this way and mine have both been spanked.

That said my younger sister never physically disciplines...she calmly talks and teaches. Her kids are well behaved and it works. I dont have the patience she has but she has 4 kids under 7... her thought process is if you have to hit to teach the point you are a poor teacher with your words and examples.

I cant argue her logic, I always just say thats why i am an engineer cause Im a shity teacher.

Honestly, that may work for her kids, but each child is different and they all respond to punishment differently. I walked into a pre-made family with a very obstanant teenager who my wife would regularly have to spank (yes, even as a teenager!) and I remember several times exchanges of yelling that would make a sailor blush (from the teenager's mouth, not my wife's). The younger daughter was not that bad, YET. She was just in training for what was yet to come.

I never came in assuming that I would ever replace their dad, although I wish I had. Even when he would blow up and show his a$$, they always feared that he would stop loving them, so they ended up worshipping him even though he is worthless as a father. This is the same man who when called to come pick up the older one who was at a party where there was drinking, shows up threatening to kick everyone's ass (instead of quietly picking her up and applauding her for doing the right thing), to the point that 3 of the people at the party jumped him at a football game the following week right in front of her. For the remainder of the year, I was her escort at football games due to the threats against her.

Now that my wife and I have had kids of our own, we are both on the same page as far as discipline. Time-outs are pretty common. Spankings are rare, but when they are called for, you know it. My third grader can count on one hand the number of times she has been spanked, the kindergartner can count them on one finger, but my 4 year old boy - I have lost count. My wife says that he's the spitting image of the oldest step-sister. This worries me. What we have going for us with him, though is that we are both VERY consistant with him. The main part of the problem with the older two. When you have one parent more interested in being their "friend" than being their parent, it makes for a rough situation all the way around.

I applaud those parents that can raise perfectly well adjusted kids without having to spank. I just know my kids and what it takes to get through to them. My kindergartner will react to just a stern voice, but my boy requires the physical route most times.

 

[Ron]

Honestly, that may work for her kids, but each child is different and they all respond to punishment differently. I walked into a pre-made family with a very obstanant teenager who my wife would regularly have to spank (yes, even as a teenager!) and I remember several times exchanges of yelling that would make a sailor blush (from the teenager's mouth, not my wife's). The younger daughter was not that bad, YET. She was just in training for what was yet to come.

I never came in assuming that I would ever replace their dad, although I wish I had. Even when he would blow up and show his a$$, they always feared that he would stop loving them, so they ended up worshipping him even though he is worthless as a father. This is the same man who when called to come pick up the older one who was at a party where there was drinking, shows up threatening to kick everyone's ass (instead of quietly picking her up and applauding her for doing the right thing), to the point that 3 of the people at the party jumped him at a football game the following week right in front of her. For the remainder of the year, I was her escort at football games due to the threats against her.

Now that my wife and I have had kids of our own, we are both on the same page as far as discipline. Time-outs are pretty common. Spankings are rare, but when they are called for, you know it. My third grader can count on one hand the number of times she has been spanked, the kindergartner can count them on one finger, but my 4 year old boy - I have lost count. My wife says that he's the spitting image of the oldest step-sister. This worries me. What we have going for us with him, though is that we are both VERY consistant with him. The main part of the problem with the older two. When you have one parent more interested in being their "friend" than being their parent, it makes for a rough situation all the way around.

I applaud those parents that can raise perfectly well adjusted kids without having to spank. I just know my kids and what it takes to get through to them. My kindergartner will react to just a stern voice, but my boy requires the physical route most times.

I think you and I mirror thoughts pretty well.

My 10 year old daughter has been spanked maybe 5 times in her life.

My 13 year old son...Ive lost count. I do NOT parent by fear. I parent by POWER, you are free to disobey you just must levae the environment I provide in order to do so. I havent spanked my son in probably 3 years. That said, about 3-4 months ago he thought it was a good idea to "buck up" to his mom...he didnt know I was in the house and thought he would try to assert his "new found dominance" that came with his size.(For those that dont know me Lane is 6'2" 215...my wife is maybe 5'4") He quickly found himself on his back pinned to the ground and reminded who the alpha dog was...without a strike being thrown or anyone being injured....the physcial resistance was there to remind him where the boundary was. Calmly I explained respect and expectations and he was "allowed" off the floor.

That was an attitude adjustment for quite a while.

 

[UTfball68]

^^^And that's what I'm talking about. I'm not saying kids should be abused on a daily basis...but when they're being punished or disciplined...they should definitely know it. I wasn't hit every day...but every now and again when I'd buck up, I'd swiftly be put back in to place.

 

[RatLabGuy]

And show me a kid that's never had an ass beating, and I'll show you a kid that needs it. Parenting and discipline doesn't/shouldn't start when a problem starts, or the kid isn't cute anymore...if it does, the kid is already gone.

OK I will gladly introduce my son to you someday. In 9.5 year we have never laid a finger on him. Never needed to. yet he is one of the sweetest, most considerate kids you'll ever meet. Very polite and shy and will do whatever asked by his parents. Yes sometimes there is grumbling and complaining, but not a problem at all.

I'm not saying that to complement ourselves, but only that physical punishment is not always necessary or the right thing to do. For Jonas, what works is psychological manipulation, he dosn't like to disappoint and is a perfectionist.

In contrast is our daughter, currently 3.5. Also never been spanked, but i suspect the time may be coming. She constantly pushed her boundaries and fights back, we've found that what worked well for the first kid is simply pointless with her. I consider physical threats a last resort but it's not off the table in my book.

 

[UTfball68]

OK I will gladly introduce my son to you someday. In 9.5 year we have never laid a finger on him. Never needed to. yet he is one of the sweetest, most considerate kids you'll ever meet. Very polite and shy and will do whatever asked by his parents. Yes sometimes there is grumbling and complaining, but not a problem at all.

I'm not saying that to complement ourselves, but only that physical punishment is not always necessary or the right thing to do. For Jonas, what works is psychological manipulation, he dosn't like to disappoint and is a perfectionist.

In contrast is our daughter, currently 3.5. Also never been spanked, but i suspect the time may be coming. She constantly pushed her boundaries and fights back, we've found that what worked well for the first kid is simply pointless with her. I consider physical threats a last resort but it's not off the table in my book.

Not saying every kid is the same, but remember what I said earlier...no parent thinks their kid is the one misbehaving...just because you don't think their behavior would warrant a spanking, doesn't mean they don't need it. Likewise, just because I think they do, doesn't mean they should either. I'm sure you have fine kids, but what happens when they hit that teenager stage and talking doesn't work any more??? Do you really think trying to be alpha dad at that point in time will mean a pinch of shit??? When your son decides to step up and think his big man of the house...because he will, let me know how far talking goes. I tried stepping up to my dad a couple times...and thank him for doing similar as Ron did, choke slam me and or a forearm to the throat against the wall. Think about that for a second...I was 6'5" 300lbs at the time, preparing to be a football player in the SEC...how far do you think a talk would have gone???

 

[Ron]

Not saying every kid is the same, but remember what I said earlier...no parent thinks their kid is the one misbehaving...just because you don't think their behavior would warrant a spanking, doesn't mean they don't need it. Likewise, just because I think they do, doesn't mean they should either. I'm sure you have fine kids, but what happens when they hit that teenager stage and talking doesn't work any more??? Do you really think trying to be alpha dad at that point in time will mean a pinch of shit??? When your son decides to step up and think his big man of the house...because he will, let me know how far talking goes. I tried stepping up to my dad a couple times...and thank him for doing similar as Ron did, choke slam me and or a forearm to the throat against the wall. Think about that for a second...I was 6'5" 300lbs at the time, preparing to be a football player in the SEC...how far do you think a talk would have gone???

Dave is pretty darn persuasive, despite being a little guy.
I wanted to fight him one time, he said "come on lets go for a drive and talk"...

I trembled in the corner for an hour and begged everyone not to put me in the car with him