77GreenMachine
Phillip Talton
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2010
- Location
- Trinity, NC
I’m a terrible person, seriously.
Some of you know me and may know that I am a pretty outgoing, open person, I can work a room or crowd and I’ve never met a stranger. I do some public speaking for church and work often. Surprisingly though, I still get very uncomfortable and try to avoid awkward situations if possible. I hate awkward encounters.
So, I say all that to tell you what an awful person I am and how I left a man in a bad situation I could have prevented.
Sunday after church we go to Lowe’s to look at some things and come up with a plan for my current landscaping project at the house. Dooty calls and I need to drop a load. I go the the restroom and find a stall. Out of 4 stalls, 1 is dirty, 1 is handicap, 1 is out of toilet paper, and the 4th is clear for drop off. I do not use the handicap if I can help it due to another terribly embarrassing story Best told around a camp fire.
So after I discover the lack of TP in one, the one next to it is my winner. All is good, I’m loosing weight while scrolling on NC4x4 when in walks a dude that has the same problem I did. He goes right into the stall beside me that has no TP. I think “maybe he just needs to pee, if not he’ll check”.
His feet turn to face the door and I hear him prepare for drop off. At this time I think about saying “ain’t no toilet paper over there bro”
But I don’t.... I chicken out. Based on his boots and jeans this man probably looks like Lil Wayne or similar, and talked like him as he finished his phone convo walking in. This does not matter to me, but in my head I’m thinking that he will be thinking “what is this redneck fool talking to me while he’s taking a dump for?”
So I think maybe he will check before it’s too late... he does not. Because shortly after I am overcome by a smell that is not mine, and it is not nice, and I NEED to get out of this small space immediately!
A rushed sound of me spooling off toilet paper can be heard. Toilet paper so thin and cheap it barley serves its purpose, and great quantities are frantically pulled off and sent into battle as I hold my breath.
Again I think “maybe he will notice the empty TP holder and speak up, then I will gladly help this fellow dumper out”
But he does not. The sounds of a war within his bowels continue, and there is violent porcelain punishment next to me. I quickly exit the stall, gasping for air quietly as possible. I go to the sink furthest away, where I attempt to wash my hands with the faintest trickle of water drips out of an auto facet that never comes on at the right time. It comes on when you give up and move your hands away, then stops when you rush back under the water. Currently trying to wash soap off my hands is like playing a child’s wack-a-mole game as the water goes on and off. It’s taunting me there and keeping me longer as I begin to be attacked, yet again by the wretched smell coming from the war stall at the other end!
This man has successfully blew up this entire bathroom, attempting to take my life while he plays what sounds like candy crush.
The soap and water war is over and I need a paper towel, but wait. There are no paper towels! I must walk back near the stall to the other paper towel machine and get closer to the source of this putrid fog in this room. All the while as this time and opportunity to help pass, thinking to myself that I should speak up for this man and ask “hey boss you got toilet paper in there cause I’m pretty sure I had checked it beforehand?”
But I don’t. Fearing this terribly awkward exchange, that could not possibly be as bad as I fear considering I don’t have to see him, or make eye contact, and would likely never see him again or know if I did. I quickly decide to use my go-to for important life decisisons. Eeny-Meeny-Mini-Mo.
I have made very important life decisions with this meaningless nursery rhyme. Seconds pass by as I recite this to decide if I extended this offer to this man, or simply walk away leaving him there helpless with his mess. The rhyme has spoken. It declares not to engage with the smelly man and to carry on. I think again. I think if I were in his place what I would want... and I fail. I simply walk away in shame. I welcome the fresh air as I exit this place of smelly battle, but feeling shameful knowing this man was left on the front line with no ammo to finish his mission.
I write this with humor, but it is 100% true, and I regretted my decision all afternoon yesterday. I am a terrible person for what I have done.
Some of you know me and may know that I am a pretty outgoing, open person, I can work a room or crowd and I’ve never met a stranger. I do some public speaking for church and work often. Surprisingly though, I still get very uncomfortable and try to avoid awkward situations if possible. I hate awkward encounters.
So, I say all that to tell you what an awful person I am and how I left a man in a bad situation I could have prevented.
Sunday after church we go to Lowe’s to look at some things and come up with a plan for my current landscaping project at the house. Dooty calls and I need to drop a load. I go the the restroom and find a stall. Out of 4 stalls, 1 is dirty, 1 is handicap, 1 is out of toilet paper, and the 4th is clear for drop off. I do not use the handicap if I can help it due to another terribly embarrassing story Best told around a camp fire.
So after I discover the lack of TP in one, the one next to it is my winner. All is good, I’m loosing weight while scrolling on NC4x4 when in walks a dude that has the same problem I did. He goes right into the stall beside me that has no TP. I think “maybe he just needs to pee, if not he’ll check”.
His feet turn to face the door and I hear him prepare for drop off. At this time I think about saying “ain’t no toilet paper over there bro”
But I don’t.... I chicken out. Based on his boots and jeans this man probably looks like Lil Wayne or similar, and talked like him as he finished his phone convo walking in. This does not matter to me, but in my head I’m thinking that he will be thinking “what is this redneck fool talking to me while he’s taking a dump for?”
So I think maybe he will check before it’s too late... he does not. Because shortly after I am overcome by a smell that is not mine, and it is not nice, and I NEED to get out of this small space immediately!
A rushed sound of me spooling off toilet paper can be heard. Toilet paper so thin and cheap it barley serves its purpose, and great quantities are frantically pulled off and sent into battle as I hold my breath.
Again I think “maybe he will notice the empty TP holder and speak up, then I will gladly help this fellow dumper out”
But he does not. The sounds of a war within his bowels continue, and there is violent porcelain punishment next to me. I quickly exit the stall, gasping for air quietly as possible. I go to the sink furthest away, where I attempt to wash my hands with the faintest trickle of water drips out of an auto facet that never comes on at the right time. It comes on when you give up and move your hands away, then stops when you rush back under the water. Currently trying to wash soap off my hands is like playing a child’s wack-a-mole game as the water goes on and off. It’s taunting me there and keeping me longer as I begin to be attacked, yet again by the wretched smell coming from the war stall at the other end!
This man has successfully blew up this entire bathroom, attempting to take my life while he plays what sounds like candy crush.
The soap and water war is over and I need a paper towel, but wait. There are no paper towels! I must walk back near the stall to the other paper towel machine and get closer to the source of this putrid fog in this room. All the while as this time and opportunity to help pass, thinking to myself that I should speak up for this man and ask “hey boss you got toilet paper in there cause I’m pretty sure I had checked it beforehand?”
But I don’t. Fearing this terribly awkward exchange, that could not possibly be as bad as I fear considering I don’t have to see him, or make eye contact, and would likely never see him again or know if I did. I quickly decide to use my go-to for important life decisisons. Eeny-Meeny-Mini-Mo.
I have made very important life decisions with this meaningless nursery rhyme. Seconds pass by as I recite this to decide if I extended this offer to this man, or simply walk away leaving him there helpless with his mess. The rhyme has spoken. It declares not to engage with the smelly man and to carry on. I think again. I think if I were in his place what I would want... and I fail. I simply walk away in shame. I welcome the fresh air as I exit this place of smelly battle, but feeling shameful knowing this man was left on the front line with no ammo to finish his mission.
I write this with humor, but it is 100% true, and I regretted my decision all afternoon yesterday. I am a terrible person for what I have done.
Last edited:
