Nasty shit your coworkers do

Discussion in 'General Chit Chat' started by McCracken, Feb 8, 2019.

  1. XJsavage

    XJsavage Warlock of Zante plantation

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2009
    Location:
    Swamps of Congaree river basin
    About 8 or 9 years ago I worked with a pavement marking company for a short while. Hot, miserable job, didn't pay well but did offer travel. Most guys I shared a motel room with were alcoholics and crashed out early leaving me to my peace for a few hours. Except for one guy, Big Larry, a 350+ lb black guy from Philly that played college football for a while. Great guy to hang out with but I swear, his standards for women were about as low as a gas station toilet seat. This one time in Macon Georgia he picked up this chick from Burger King, brought her back to the room right as I layed down to sleep and proceeded to smash it. I'm totally cool with that, I've been in threesomes, foursomes, etc numerous times but the fact that she was still in BK uniform and grotesquely overweight just didn't strike me as sexy, so I curled up in my motel comforter and tried to drift off to sleep. Little did I know, during the traditional "I'm gonna use the bathroom real quick" trip, the bitch cranked the thermostat up to somewhere in the neighborhood of eighty fucking nine! Within minutes, I was about to die. I was curled up in my blanket while my coworker is going to pound town and I'm literally sweating my face off. I really, really, really didn't want to spectate any of that scene come hell or high water, so I waited it out. 3 minutes later, here comes the stinch of week old cooking grease, asshole, tuna and something else straight out of hell with a hint of Newport. I tapped out and ran straight outside, chain-smoked about 3 cigarettes, ran to the gas station and bought a 40 oz beer, smoked another cigarette and feeling assured that they were done and everything back to normal, I keyed back in.
    No, after 40+ minutes, they weren't even close to done, and when I walked in all I could see is two African rhinos in a wrestling match over a Klondike bar.....in my bed. I was seriously on the verge of losing my mind when suddenly my coworker big Larry looks over and asks in the best Philly black accent imaginable, "Hey yo J.... You wanna hit this!?!"
    I quit working there not long afterwards.

    Nowadays I have a co-worker (fellow welder) that dates a black girl that works at Popeye's. She seems decent overlooking the fact that she has really bad acne. He lost his virginity at age 22, so he's rolling in awesomeness. Anyways, very recently, we were all in one vehicle headed to lunch when his mom calls. He described in great detail assuring his mom that the night before when him and his girlfriend was getting it at her house, that he most definitely DID pull out and he can't figure why she would be in such a fowl mood. Closing statements were followed up with "So how much does a morning after pill cost?....I'll pay you back".
     
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  2. McCracken

    McCracken Lip Snatcher

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2005
    Location:
    With your mom at a nice seafood dinner
    You have classy co-workers
     
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  3. C.Berry

    C.Berry Bad News

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2008
    Location:
    Blacksburg, Va
    Was working a construction job years back and had a temp guy working with us, I seen this scum bag picking his nose and eating it multiple times a day... come to find out his ass was a pill head and he was cleaning the pill residue out of his nose which is still disgusting. Another one While running the pressure washing co I had a fella that refused to dry his damn shoes out properly after 6/12s of work in constant water so they eventually started rotting away, well turned out it wasn’t just the shoes rotting it was damn feet too... he took his shoes off one day and his feet has sores all over em and it seriously smelled like decomposed flesh, I threw his shoes out of my truck and told him if he didn’t buy foot powder and new shoes he’s not gonna have work the next week... he bought muck boots smdh. For some reason people think water running on your feet is considered washing them even if you don’t touch em!?
     
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  4. XJsavage

    XJsavage Warlock of Zante plantation

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2009
    Location:
    Swamps of Congaree river basin
    Digging through my memory bank here; I can't believe I haven't been cited repeatedly for carrying this God forsaken steel trap around.
    During the great flood a few years ago Advantaclean (whom I was a duct cleaner for)
    found themselves dauntingly understaffed in the remediation and restoration department. Their solution for increasing the body count to the task of swimming around flooded crawlspaces bagging up sopping wet fiberglass insulation and filling dumpsters with it was to contact a local temp agency known as Labor Finders for help. Oh boy howdy, did that turn out lovely.
    This one character (who's name escapes me), but I think it was like Sabor or some shit was actually one of the better ones. They came in pairs usually, and the other individual openly admitted to running over kittens with a riding lawnmower so I eventually loaned him $20 so he go join the Fair carnees and never return. The Sabor guy was in his 50's, a Muslim from New York and only knew me as JR, or as he pronounced it, (Jay-arrah). Screw it, that'll ride .
    I took them out to lunch on one ruthlessly shitty day to a Chinese buffet. I foresaw it being a total disaster so I volunteered to pay just in case they got kicked out. Long story short, Sabor sat in there for over an hour awkwardly staring off into space while eating plate after plate of salads with each one loaded down with baby corn, lettuce, some other bullshit and at least a whole can of canned sliced peaches and drowned in ranch dressing. That's right, canned peaches..... and ranch dressing. What in the actual fuck?
     
  5. GONOVRIT

    GONOVRIT blue collar brotherhood

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2005
    Location:
    Dallas NC
    I work with a guy that licks his fingers before he touches damn near anything. If he’s eating something out of a bowl he cleans it out with his finger and sucks it off of it. This is the same guy that bragged to another about checking his own prostate, how he “really doesn’t like using the tools”. 64 years old, no kids, never married, no girlfriends.....
     
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  6. shawn

    shawn running dog lackey of the oppressor class Administrator

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2005
    Location:
    Raleigh, NC
    So @trailhugger says, "have you read @McCracken's coworker thread? You've gotta check that out." So I pull out my phone, find the thread, a few minutes later, I'm giggling like a fucking idiot. From across the room, she says, "@XJsavage is a funny motherfucker, isn't he?"
     
  7. skyhighZJ

    skyhighZJ Thanks for your taxes

    Joined:
    May 31, 2012
    Location:
    Fort Polk, La.
    My thing is working in an office building where we work for 90% of our time except when we are out doing our Live Fire exercises. We have 3 shitters and 43 dudes. The ability to recreate a rectal Hiroshima blows my mind. Clean up after yourself. At least replace the empty roll of shit tickets. I swear to god they can decimate porcelain like they are engaging with a claymore l.
     
  8. McCracken

    McCracken Lip Snatcher

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2005
    Location:
    With your mom at a nice seafood dinner
    Back when I was at Tennessee I worked for a grad student collecting data on birds during the summer. This guy was from Thailand so everything he said had the letter R and L backwards. "We need go down to the liver and rook at some sites". 10-4 :driver: I was stationed in Tellico believe it or not. I had a camper at the ranger station that I lived in. I'd roll into Tellico Plains and shop at the Sav-Mor and buy cheapo peanut butter and jelly. When he and I went into the woods he'd always bring some container of dicks. I'm not kidding. It literally looked like little, thinly sliced dicks marinated in soy sauce on top of rice mixed with grass. I never did ask what he was eating but every time it was little dicks with rice. It may have tasted like filet mignon but i couldn't get past the looks of it to ask. I couldn't even watch him eat it.
     
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  9. mommucked

    mommucked Endeavoring to persevere

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2011
    Location:
    apex n.c.
    per the title , I see what you "do" there :D
     
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2019
  10. obullfish

    obullfish Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2011
    Location:
    Candler N.C.
    Damn that made me gag just reading it.
     
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  11. GOAT

    GOAT Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2011
    Location:
    Lincolnton
    My 6 year old daughter picks up after herself better then the guys I work with. Every morning I spend the first 30min to hour picking up after them. They scatter everything on desk. Forklift never full of gas. Late, fall asleep an always catching things wrong with their markings on parts. None know how to take out trash. Will throw things at trash can a leave it were it lands. Usually 4-8 bottles of half drunk water or energy drinks laying around. To lazy to turn uniforms in a smell like shit all day. Under stand it's hot in a steel plant an guys sweat. But wearing same uniforms for weeks at a time cause your to lazy to turn them in. Company pays for them an services. They spit in floor where you have to stand consistently. Leave toilet paper beside toilet. Somehow miss when going number 1 and 2. Piss in floor an get shit on back of toilet. How is the second one possible. They really test ocd.
     
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  12. XJsavage

    XJsavage Warlock of Zante plantation

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2009
    Location:
    Swamps of Congaree river basin
    Where's @Scooter402 ?
     
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  13. Scooter402

    Scooter402 Confused as a baby in a topless bar!

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2009
    Location:
    Up yonner in Pennsyltucky
    Aight, I'll play too.

    I had a roommate while I was in the Corps that just loved to find ladies online. Not like he was a bad looking dude, but I guess he loved the level of desperation that some of these girls had over those that you could take home for a night after buying them a drink. So he proceeded to hit one of his favorite chat rooms, started talking up this girl, and they swapped pictures.
    He shows me the pic of this chick, and at first glance I thought, not bad if only it were a recent/real picture. It was from a goofy angle and only from the top of the shoulders up, but wth... "give it a go, bro!" I told him.

    So he tells this chick where we live. I mean, seriously? Are you stupid or something? Thirty minutes later, someone knocks at our barracks room door. Looks like a girl that ate the one in the pic. Has the same name though. I'm thinking, damn I need to get out of here. But I'll watch the pregame lineup anyway. She walks in, little frumpy with a stained t-shirt, wrinkled sweat pants and some nappy looking flip flops with toes that have chipped nasty looking paint. And some funk between them. Yuck. I catch a hint of a fragrance that I likened for some reason to grub worms. I'm beginning to get too grossed out to watch. J is still into it, so I'm thinking he's even crazier than I initially thought. I park my ass on my bed, and he says "let's watch a movie!"
    "Mkay, what you got in mind?" He goes over to the DVD player and turns it on, the display shows it's already some time into something, so he just presses play and says let's see what we've got in here. Oh, go figure... it's his favorite training movie. Skin flick. You know, porn. He plays shocked for a minute, but then sees his "date" is into it. So he "lets it go" and leaves it playing.
    After about a minute and a half, she's sitting there in a chair biting her lip, going back and forth from shaking her leg to rubbing her knees together. I'm thinking it's time for me to make like a tree and get out of here.
    Dude pulls me over to the corner and says "so whatcha thinking? Tag team? Little Eiffel Tower action?"
    To which I tell him that I wouldn't poke her even wearing two wrappers and my gumby gear on... he actually looks shocked and says that it's my loss.... erm, mkay.
    So I proceed to call "you kids have fun!" As I pop smoke and go ghost. Wasn't about to witness mating season on walrus beach. I go down to the e-club on base and throw back a few, watch whatever game was on and light up a few cigarettes. I give him plenty of time before I get the bravery to try to go back home.
    As I stumble back into the barracks, I put my ear to the door to make sure ain't no big gross chicks left in there...seems quiet enough. So I go in. And am immediately greeted with the fragrance of what smells to be a week old tuna sandwich topped with Limburger and an odd dash of curry... I said "you didn't...did you?"
    He just had a shit eating grin on his face, said I didn't know what I missed. Told him I didn't even have the capacity in my imagination for that.
     
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  14. Jody Treadway

    Jody Treadway Croc wearing fool Moderator

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2005
    Location:
    Hendersonville, NC
    It made @Loganwayne salivate
     
  15. Jody Treadway

    Jody Treadway Croc wearing fool Moderator

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2005
    Location:
    Hendersonville, NC
    I once worked with a dude at the dealer what was seriously morbidly obese (like 600+ lbs). Super nice guy, pretty talented but absolutely stank.

    I was taking a duece in the locker room handicapped stall. I hear duder walk in. I know it's him because his shoes squeaked like a pair of water shoes whenever he walked by. I hear the squeaking and then see 4 fat fingers grab the top of the stall door. "Whoa, Nellie" I proclaim. "One at a time in here". Dude opens the regular size stall door next to and proceeds to waddle in. Picture a 160" WB rig making the turn at the entrance to 9 at Tellico. Forward, back. Forward, back. Go for it!

    My eyes are ripe with both fear and amazement that he made it to the toilet. I hear the unzipping of pants and in a singular motion the stall wall to my right move a good 6" towards me at the same time he drops the equivalent of both Hiroshima and Nagasaki a mere 3 feet away.

    I sat there in amazement and awe. However, once the bombay doors closed, he immediately suited up and waddled away. I never heard the spinning of the TP holder. I suspected dude couldn't wipe his own butt and my theory was supported that day.
    We had a tech meeting that same day at lunch and when dude walked in the meeting room, it was filled with the aroma of vile, untempered ass. We all looked around in sheer disgust knowing the culprit.

    Dude was sent home early that day for reasons of poor hygiene.
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2019
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  16. No fries

    No fries Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2005
    Location:
    Charlotte
    I used to work for a German company that opened a branch here in Charlotte. There were several workers they would bring over from Europe and put them up for a year. The Swedish guy would bathe once a week, management sent him home several times because no one would work around him. The worst was a guy from Bosnia, I walk into the break room one day and he is sitting there eating RAW Jimmy Dean sausage out of the tube with a spoon!! I ask him what they hell and he says it OK i do this always. I proceed to try and tell him about food poisoning and salmonella language barrier didn't help with that. He just keeps repeating it's OK we do this at home all time. I find out that it is common in Bosnia to go to the butcher and get fresh ground pork then just eat it raw. Oh hell no!!
     
  17. obullfish

    obullfish Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2011
    Location:
    Candler N.C.
    :shaking:
     
  18. RatLabGuy

    RatLabGuy You look like a monkey and smell like one too

    Joined:
    May 18, 2005
    Location:
    Churchville, MD
    Raw meat seems gross to most Americans, but it really is normal in a low of other places, especially where it's normal for it to really be fresh right from the butcher.
    No way I'd eat it from something like Jimmy's Dean's w/ an unknown time and the assumption by the supplier it would be cooked anyway...
     
  19. Wes

    Wes Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2007
    Location:
    Lugoff, SC
    I asked for a well done burger in amahn, Jordan. The music stopped, the owner and cook came out to talk to me. Told me they don’t serve well done because it zaps the flavor. Wanted to make sure that’s what I wanted. I politely said yes. Didn’t want 3rd world parasites and explosive diarrhea. They eat their burgers damn near raw. It’s cooked enough to keep it from falling apart.
     
  20. Dylan W.

    Dylan W. lone resident of Bro-Lite Island

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2007
    Location:
    Mocksville NC
    Reading these back to back made me laugh, I almost snotted.
     
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  21. obullfish

    obullfish Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2011
    Location:
    Candler N.C.
    Over there visiting KASOTC? I worked there for a little over a year back in the day getting it setup and training troops. By the time I left I had the locals eating pork ribs and petting our range dogs.
     
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  22. Wes

    Wes Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2007
    Location:
    Lugoff, SC
    I’ve spent some time at KASOTC. Nice compound. I was working with the guys on the hill above kasotc. We were pulling security for Obama when he visited the Syrian refugee camp when the mess was spilling over into Jordan. It was Obama, Prince Charles, and King Abdullah
     
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  23. ncsutj

    ncsutj Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2005
    Location:
    Concord
    The place I use to work at had a second shift supervisor that would take his food to the bathroom and he would go in the stall and eat and talk on the phone.

    Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk
     
  24. RatLabGuy

    RatLabGuy You look like a monkey and smell like one too

    Joined:
    May 18, 2005
    Location:
    Churchville, MD
    I just tbrew up a little
     
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  25. 1-tonmudder

    1-tonmudder Doin my part to stir the pot.

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2005
    Location:
    Greeneville TN
    back when I was at the junkyard every cold spell we'd have the water would freeze up.If you had to drop a number#2 you waited till lunch and went to town,held it till 5 or shit in the woods.One guy wanted to go home around 9:30 to use the bathroom but the boss told him to go shit in the woods.He did and about an hour or so later we got kept smelling a strong,shitty,smell.One of the other guys pointed out that the dude had "some brown lookin shit" all over his shirt collar and neck.Apparently he had never shit in the woods before and missed the part where you were supposed to reach down between your legs and pull your clothes (in his case a pair of coveralls) out of the line of fire.He had shit in his coveralls and pulled them back up not knowing the turd was in tow.He went and fetched what was left of the turd,put on somebody else's work shirt and finished the day.

    When I was hired they ask me if I dipped.They said if I did not to bum a dip off of "Matt".Because "Matt" would spit some juice back in the can to keep the other moist.


    A buddy of mine had gall bladder surgery and certain foods would trigger explosive diarrhea.He was eatin at some Mexican joint in Knoxville and got sick and filled his pants full.It was winter and he had a set of insulated bibs on w joggin pants underneath.He said he took the pants and his underwear off and threw them in the trash,cleaned up and went on his way.A couple of weeks later he said they were back at the same Mexican joint and one of the waiters had his joggin pants on waitng tables.
     

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