Tom@Hilltop_Machine
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2005
- Location
- Rural Retreat, VA
Anywhere is walking distance, if you've got the time.
-Stephen Wright
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, "Get the hell off my property."
- Joan Rivers
I don't have a bank account, because I don't know my mother's maiden name.
- Paula Poundstone
Being Politically Correct means always having to say you're sorry.
- Charles Osgood
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. (taking pulse)
-Groucho Marx
New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.
- David Letterman
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
- W. C. Fields
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
- Dave Edison
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
- Ellen DeGeneres
My doctor is wonderful. Once, in 1955, when I couldn't afford an operation, he touched up the X-rays.
- Joey Bishop
...thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
- Dave Barry
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
-Stephen Wright
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, "Get the hell off my property."
- Joan Rivers
I don't have a bank account, because I don't know my mother's maiden name.
- Paula Poundstone
Being Politically Correct means always having to say you're sorry.
- Charles Osgood
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. (taking pulse)
-Groucho Marx
New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.
- David Letterman
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
- W. C. Fields
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
- Dave Edison
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
- Ellen DeGeneres
My doctor is wonderful. Once, in 1955, when I couldn't afford an operation, he touched up the X-rays.
- Joey Bishop
...thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
- Dave Barry
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
