To all you Dads, need some advice.

Cherokeekid88

Cherokeekid88

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jun 30, 2007
Location
High Point, NC
Our little girl will be 8 weeks old this Thursday. She has been growing like a weed and we have really enjoyed her thus far (for the most part! lol). Our biggest problem right now is her sleeping. We have noticed that in the last week or so, she seems to really be fighting going to sleep at night. Around 8-9 at night, we change her and put her into her pajamas and try to get her ready to go to sleep. What we have found is that she will get sleepy while we walk her around, then as soon as we put her down, she will either sleep for 5-7 minutes and then wake up crying or she will immediately start crying as soon as she is out of our arms. For the last 2 nights, we have put her in the car and driven her around and it seems to work for the first 10 minutes or so and then its back to crying and not falling asleep. We have tried baths, which she actually likes, we have played classical music and its like she just fights in all the time, till about 11:30 - Midnight, when she finally will fall asleep and be out for the next 3-4 hours. She does really good in the mornings and usually wants to continue sleeping till about 10 or so after being fed. We have heard of parents already setting a bedtime for their little ones at 8 weeks, I just don't see that happening for us.
My biggest issue right now, is how frustrated I get when she cries. Her cry is almost ear piercing and a mix of not knowing exactly what she wants/needs along with the crying itself, really gets to me. There have been a couple of times where I have had to set her down and walk away and go outside for a few minutes to keep from going insane it feels like.
We've been told to not let her sleep much during the day, so that she sleeps at time better and then we've been told to let her sleep as much as she wants. The last 8 weeks have really been a strain on my mental health and I am tying to hold it together as best I can. I don't believe she has colic, because she only really has an issue at night. I will say though, the nights that she has her meltdowns, she sleeps for 5-6 hours straight before she wakes up, which is nice, but really puts a strain on us getting to bed a decent hour to get the rest we need.


Any tips/advice on getting her to sleep earlier and being less cranky?
 
It's a phase. It'll pass. Just treat it normal and don't get fustrated. Likely she starting to realize sleep....hey I'm going to miss something. Or maybe a little anxious about being sepperated.

At one point I developed cholic(sp?). I cried for a few days straight. To the point my parents needed a break so I was dropped of at my grandparents house so they could sleep one night.

If the normal eating, pooping, temperature stuff are good I wouldn't worry. You just might need a sanity break. Or try working with her in oposite sleeping shifts with the wife. No need in everybody at once losing all the sleep.
I'd try earlier naps if any so she isn't completely exhausted laying down. They are just like us and I never rest good beat up and wiped out without help....ibuproprene or a stiff drink.
 
I'm not a dad but I'd like to offer my .02. Hardest thing I have ever done is let my baby cry. Make sure that everything is ok (no pain, not wet, not hungry etc.) and then just let her cry. It will be Ok. I should work itself out in 2 or 3 nights, or at least in my case it did. Best of luck.
 
x2 on it being a phase.

The end goal is for the baby to go to sleep on her own. To that end, don't depend on carrying her around, riding her around in the car, etc, etc, as crutches. Only makes things worse.

@trailhugger probably knows the name of the book that we had that went through this stuff.
 
Man, its really hard for me to just let her cry. We have been trying to allow her to sooth herself, but we always give in and walk her around. We are trying to figure out if its too early to go ahead and get a bedtime going. Choose a time, and just lay her in her crib and cry it out till she sleeps...
 
Does having the baby elevated help any? Both of mine had terrible reflux so laying flat was bad, but he would sleep with a wedge.

While I don't believe in setting a bedtime, I do believe in setting a routine. Do the same things every night before bed. This will start to trigger sleep for them.

As said, driving in the car, pushing in stroller, etc is just enforcing a bad habit.

With one of mine, giving them a bottle as part of the routine put them right to sleep. But we then later had break the bottle.

You want them to learn to soothe themselves and put themselves to sleep. Otherwise, you will have to put them back to sleep every time they wake at night.

I firmly believe in letting them cry. One boy took just 30 min, another took 2-3hrs for a few nights. As said, just make sure they aren't crying for food, diaper, or upset stomach. Be prepared for mom to cry too during this process, no matter the age.
 
I would highly recommend getting the "mom's on call" books. They were recommended to us by our Pediatrician. We bought them, read them, and implemented the schedule as best we could. Some parents believe in schedules for their kids and some do not, and not all kids take to a schedule. I can say that the books worked for us. We had no idea what we were doing and these were a big help. I can say that both of our girls have slept through the night since they were 2-3 months old, they are now 2 and 3 years old.
I would get frustrated with my kids crying as well. The best advise that I can give is to set the baby down (in a safe place obviously) and walk away for a minute or two. Yes the baby may still be wailing away, but I needed those few moments to calm myself down then I could go back to the baby and try to sooth her down.
We also used a wubba nub (pacifier with an animal attached to it) with both of our girls and that helped tremendously.
 
I'll pretty much echo everyone else and say to just let her cry. Just have to remember to not give in, Jameson has done it for about 45 mins before he finally gave up one night. A sound machine may help, we keep one in Jameson's room along with a diffuser that doubles as a night light.
 
Welcome to being a parent.
This is a test. This is an easy test. The next 9,487 are progressively tougher.
hearing them cry is the worst thing ever. Until watching them try to walk and fall. Until watching them run on concrete. Until sending them off to school with a bunch of strangers. Until watching them get their first heart break. until watching them break theri first bone, have their first surgery. Until watching them drive out solo on their own. Until watching them drive away on a date. Until watching them packing to leave.

I am going to say this next part as nice as I can but its going to be rude.
Get over yourself.
Your post is all about I,Me,I,Me My sleep, my sanity etc.
You've heard this on this board since you first mentioned being your wife pregnant. This is what parenthood is about. YOU DONT FUCKING MATTER. Your kid does. Do whats best for them and suck it up for you.

Im intentionally being a tad harsh there, but its to hopefully alter your thinking.

Good luck, man. It gets easier. Until it doesn't. Think about the big picture, crying isnt hurting her.
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
Man, its really hard for me to just let her cry. We have been trying to allow her to sooth herself, but we always give in and walk her around. We are trying to figure out if its too early to go ahead and get a bedtime going. Choose a time, and just lay her in her crib and cry it out till she sleeps...
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It's never too early to establish a bed time routine... it's up to you to determine when or if you let them cry.

If she will goto sleep in a car seat, rocker, swing, etc.. I'm betting there is some reflux/colic as part of the problem.

Colic Calm was the only stuff we found to work. It was black as night and will stain clothes, but it worked.
 
At the end of the day, I've found it's not that complex. They're just mini humans. They're crying because they're unhappy. Adults can verbalize, babies can't. At that stage there are only a few things they can cry over...they're in pain, they're not entertained, they're hungry, they're tired, they need a diaper. Clean diaper, that's an easy one, cross that off the list. Tired is another easy one, if they won't stay sleeping, they're either not tired (check what she's being fed if your wife breast feeds, dyes and caffeine and gassy foods she may eat) or see one of the following. In pain...could be gas bubbles, maybe coming sick or reflux. Hungry...could be a cluster feeding phase. Not entertained, just like the time you go to bed fluctuates, the kid is working through it's own schedule just as you are. Just as you think you're getting a bed time nailed down, they'll change.

Edit...I've found with my 15 month old, it's all been inconsistently consistent, or maybe consistently inconsistent...whatever it is, the routine has been the same, but the time might change...I just try to read her. Since she was 8 weeks old, we'd walk the neighborhood for an hour, wrestle/snuggle time, bath time, read a book, bed. Make the routine what you want, but be flexible with the time.
 
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I remember the ear piercing screams. I went out in the garage and got my ear muffs that I use for cutting/grinding/chainsaw etc and would sit on the couch holding my son with those ear muffs on my head. Sometimes you do everything you can, but they are just going to cry for a while.

Stepping away for a few minutes is not a big deal. Take turns (you and the wife). If you both need a break, call some grandparents so you two can have a few hours of quiet and down time.

X2 on developing a GOOD routine and staying with it.

X2 on the baby needing to learn to go to sleep on her own. You don't want to end up creating a habit of driving her around the neighborhood every night in order for her to fall asleep.
 
She needs a whoopin! I mean heck, she's basically 8 weeks old. I know by 8 weeks I was feeding myself and helping my mom change the sheets on my bed. My worthless kid took almost 10 weeks to get to that point.

On a serious note, I don't have any good advice. I found that time to be very trying for us also. But as a wise old man at work often tells me about many aggravating things having to do with kids, work, and life in general: "This too shall pass"
 
paradisePWoffrd said:
It's never too early to establish a bed time routine... it's up to you to determine when or if you let them cry.

If she will goto sleep in a car seat, rocker, swing, etc.. I'm betting there is some reflux/colic as part of the problem.

Colic Calm was the only stuff we found to work. It was black as night and will stain clothes, but it worked.
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We are almost certain she has some form of reflux. She has her 2 month check up on Thursday, so we will mention something to the Dr. Don't know if reflux is triggered by laying on her stomach or not, but when we do skin to skin she gets sleepy, she usually falls right to sleep and hasn't been an issue.
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
We are almost certain she has some form of reflux. She has her 2 month check up on Thursday, so we will mention something to the Dr. Don't know if reflux is triggered by laying on her stomach or not, but when we do skin to skin she gets sleepy, she usually falls right to sleep and hasn't been an issue.
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The Dr will say, no sleeping on her stomach, but for one of mine, it was the only way he'd sleep. Still sleeps like that to this day.

Just have to figure out what works for them.

My oldest slept good from 3 weeks on, my youngest didn't sleep more than 4 hrs til 18months... now at 3.5yrs he will sleep about 8 hrs. What worked with one didn't with the other.

As Matt said, its frustrating now, but it will pass and be history soon.
 
The book that helped us was "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. Another that people recommended that was also somewhat helpful was Kim West's "The Sleep Lady's Good Night Sleep Tight Book".
 
I heard shaking babies makes crying stop.

I'm no expert though, and don't have kids of my own, but I have always heard it will stop it from happening, but then again so will Birth Control :bounce:
 
Only one thing grates my nerves more than the sound of a crying. The sound of a whiny liberal.

Let the kid cry. They will learn that it gets them nothing and they might as well just go to sleep. If you continue to pick them up when they cry, then they learn that if they cry they get what they want. Kinda like a whiny liberal...
 
Echoing the swaddle - wrap that thang up like a burrito. Could also be if you are feeding her right before bed, sometimes they get sensitive to either a type of formula, or if your wife might have eaten something that passes through to her milk that your baby doesn't agree with. We have gone through so many food/milk/formula irritations with our 3 you wouldn't believe it. At one point my wife was not eating gluten, dairy, soy, nuts, she was essentially on a detox diet.

And sometimes it's just a phase that has nothing to do with any of this, it's just them developing. And the fun part is that you never really know, you just have to do what you can and learn as you go.
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
Our little girl will be 8 weeks old this Thursday. She has been growing like a weed and we have really enjoyed her thus far (for the most part! lol). Our biggest problem right now is her sleeping. We have noticed that in the last week or so, she seems to really be fighting going to sleep at night. Around 8-9 at night, we change her and put her into her pajamas and try to get her ready to go to sleep. What we have found is that she will get sleepy while we walk her around, then as soon as we put her down, she will either sleep for 5-7 minutes and then wake up crying or she will immediately start crying as soon as she is out of our arms. For the last 2 nights, we have put her in the car and driven her around and it seems to work for the first 10 minutes or so and then its back to crying and not falling asleep. We have tried baths, which she actually likes, we have played classical music and its like she just fights in all the time, till about 11:30 - Midnight, when she finally will fall asleep and be out for the next 3-4 hours. She does really good in the mornings and usually wants to continue sleeping till about 10 or so after being fed. We have heard of parents already setting a bedtime for their little ones at 8 weeks, I just don't see that happening for us.
My biggest issue right now, is how frustrated I get when she cries. Her cry is almost ear piercing and a mix of not knowing exactly what she wants/needs along with the crying itself, really gets to me. There have been a couple of times where I have had to set her down and walk away and go outside for a few minutes to keep from going insane it feels like.
We've been told to not let her sleep much during the day, so that she sleeps at time better and then we've been told to let her sleep as much as she wants. The last 8 weeks have really been a strain on my mental health and I am tying to hold it together as best I can. I don't believe she has colic, because she only really has an issue at night. I will say though, the nights that she has her meltdowns, she sleeps for 5-6 hours straight before she wakes up, which is nice, but really puts a strain on us getting to bed a decent hour to get the rest we need.


Any tips/advice on getting her to sleep earlier and being less cranky?
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:lol::lol::lol:

welcome to hell.

On a serous note though, you're doing the right thing mentally. There's a reason they call the period of purple crying. You will literally lose your mind and have to take a break. lLying them down and letting them cry isn't going to hurt them. I'll echo @trailhugger's suggestion. We used that book and it worked for us. Other things we did for our little girl was a Swaddle Me. She loved hers and she slept in one till she was a lot older than I thought.

Hang in there dad. She'll make the turn before you know it :lol:
 
justjeepin86 said:
I would also try swaddling as well. Get one of the wraps that are made for it. A lot of times, they will stir and smack themselves in the face and get pissed. Swaddling fixes that. Mine loved it.
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We do the swaddling thing sometimes, but she seems to like to kick and move around and seems to get irritated unless she super tired, then she could care less.
 
I echo all that too. it's a phase. Have you ever crate trained a dog? You let them cry until they don't. Then they won't, unless they are sick or sitting in poop or something. Sounds simple, but it does suck. Our first did this. It lasted a few weeks. We started to keep her up until around 11ish, feed her one last time, and put her down. After we discovered the goodness of spiking milk with cereal, that girl would sleep for a solid 5-6 hrs. It was awesome. Some mornings we'd wake up to an alarm instead of her and freak out. She was still swaddled like a bug in a rug. It'll pass. Keep momma happy. Enjoy and on to the next phase. lol
 
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