To all you Dads, need some advice.

Futbalfantic said:
What are nap schedules like? Could be not letting her get tired enough before bed time
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Totally random.
Usually fully awake by 10 each morning. Will usually sleep around lunchtime, then again sometime in the afternoon and then usually again around 6 or so, and then she is in and out till around 11-12 at night. around 9:00 or so is the witching hour and she just isn't happy most of the time.
I know she is getting tired enough around 9-10 at night because she just looks it but she just fights it.
 
remember, everything you learn with this child is.....

irrelevant!

Once you get this one figured out, then decide its clear to have a second kid you'll find out the second child is like beating the hardest level a video game.... then starting all over for no reason.


they are never the same.


but back on topic:

she might need more stimulation during the day and less at bed time. lights off at bed time, no sounds (TV, radio, talking etc). make it boring for her.

I found a white noise machine worked well with child #2.


breast fed babies are harder to get to sleep. especially if mom is nearby. they can smell the milk. its like trying go to bed next to a grill full of cooking burgers. aint happenin man. With both kids.... mom always had to leave the room at bed time. until the disaster of child number 2 getting sick the same time mom did and co sleeping happened and threw all of the sleeping progress out the window. but thats a much longer story.....



I think ron or someone mentioned phases...these happen. there are several "sleep regressions" that take place in early development. just stick to the routine. she'll fall back in line. you may have to wake her up early a few days to reset her cycle but try to stick the bed time routines.



Theres no magic answer. every child is different. find what works with yours and stick to it.
 
So I have been reading about these so called "Bedtimes" So are parents picking a time, getting the child ready for bed (Changing, bath, feeding, etc) and taking them to their crib and laying them down and that's it? let em cry and just wear themselves out till they sleep?
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
So I have been reading about these so called "Bedtimes" So are parents picking a time, getting the child ready for bed (Changing, bath, feeding, etc) and taking them to their crib and laying them down and that's it? let em cry and just wear themselves out till they sleep?
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Yep....sucks for awhile. Broke my heart to hear it. Had to lock my wife out of the house to keep her from going in there (not really), but it worked for us. But we picked a bedtime that "fit", not just an arbitrary one.
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
So I have been reading about these so called "Bedtimes" So are parents picking a time, getting the child ready for bed (Changing, bath, feeding, etc) and taking them to their crib and laying them down and that's it? let em cry and just wear themselves out till they sleep?
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It doesnt have to be a specific time, but moreso a routine. Some kids want to keep with the same time every night, and that is a good way to start the process. With my kids we would start the process around 730 and have them in bed by 830-9. After they got used to sleeping on their own and self-soothing, the time didnt matter so much to them; it was the routine that triggered them wanting to goto sleep.

IMO, the best thing you can do for a kid, in general, is create a routine for them. They wake up at the same time, they eat at the same time, they sleep at the same time, etc... As they get older, this helps them be secure and they tend to be more compliant. Doesnt mean you cant vary from the routine, but they will learn to find comfort in it.
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
Totally random.
Usually fully awake by 10 each morning. Will usually sleep around lunchtime, then again sometime in the afternoon and then usually again around 6 or so, and then she is in and out till around 11-12 at night. around 9:00 or so is the witching hour and she just isn't happy most of the time.
I know she is getting tired enough around 9-10 at night because she just looks it but she just fights it.
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Totally random...not good.
Scheduled routine...good.
Jaegermeister...better.
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
Totally random.
Usually fully awake by 10 each morning. Will usually sleep around lunchtime, then again sometime in the afternoon and then usually again around 6 or so, and then she is in and out till around 11-12 at night. around 9:00 or so is the witching hour and she just isn't happy most of the time.
I know she is getting tired enough around 9-10 at night because she just looks it but she just fights it.
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Ok this answers so much.

Take a deep breath and read your post above quoted and then read your original quote.

Why cant I get my kid to sleep when I want her to? We let her sleep late, take random arbitrary naps sometime around noonish and sometime around 6 or so....then we want her to sleep at 9 but she doest want to sleep until 11-12.

To control the important variable you have to alter the contributors.
If a baby isnt tired trying to make it sleep is a fools game. Literally imagine someone lockig you in a jail cell and saying 'sleep now or else'...you cant make an awake and stimulated person sleep. And thins entire new exciting world is stimulating as fuck for your daughter. Every breath is something new. It would be like the very day you discovered your masturbation putting you in a full body cast and making you watch boobies. Thats what your baby is going through. She wants to see and do all this awesome crazy crap and learn and soak and (it sounds) like you are trying to force her to sleep when she isnt tired.

You need a schedule. The schedule isnt the supreme world leader, but it needs to be the rule not the exception. Its ok if you are out late 1 day a week and she gets to bed late. Its not ok if that 1 day turns to 4 or 5. Your entire life needs to be built around her schedule. Sorry boss cant work over, its feeding time. Sorry bud cant have a beer it will interefere with nap time. Sorry hun you going to have to wait a few minutes etc.

But a sleeping baby from say 6-7 and then trying to get her down at 9...that just never would have happened with mine.

Every child is different. But mine slept through the night from 2 weeks on. I got them up at 4:30 when I got ready for work (God I dont miss those days) fed them changed them and layed them back down. Ay 7 it was up time with mommy. Lunch time with mommy and then a nap from 1-3. Then no nap until 8pm. (all times approx) and they slept through the night until my 4:30 AM wake up.

Someone else mentioned cereal in their bedtime bottle. Cant recommend that enough. You should know your kid, docs will say no cereal until age XYZ...well again every baby is different. My niece the doctor finally started her on it at like 9 days...she was insatiable. She is now 16 and weighs like 80lbs despite eating like a horse. She's had a mega metabolism from day 1.

Bit of a tangent there. My point is you cant give your kid total random events and structure and then be frustrated because they cant be ready to sleep when you want them to. Start from your desire. If that is asleep at 9m work backward from there. How long does she go between naps. If its say 6 hours...then at 2pm you better WAKE HER UP. Then by 9 she will be an hour into wanting to sleep...build feed times around this. If she goes right to sleep after eating and she wants to eat at say 8..stretch it. Make her wait a bit and feed her at 8:30. Control what you can control to get the outcome you want.

Or just let life happen and bitch about it.

::beer::
 
Ron said:
Ok this answers so much.

Take a deep breath and read your post above quoted and then read your original quote.

Why cant I get my kid to sleep when I want her to? We let her sleep late, take random arbitrary naps sometime around noonish and sometime around 6 or so....then we want her to sleep at 9 but she doest want to sleep until 11-12.

To control the important variable you have to alter the contributors.
If a baby isnt tired trying to make it sleep is a fools game. Literally imagine someone lockig you in a jail cell and saying 'sleep now or else'...you cant make an awake and stimulated person sleep. And thins entire new exciting world is stimulating as fuck for your daughter. Every breath is something new. It would be like the very day you discovered your masturbation putting you in a full body cast and making you watch boobies. Thats what your baby is going through. She wants to see and do all this awesome crazy crap and learn and soak and (it sounds) like you are trying to force her to sleep when she isnt tired.

You need a schedule. The schedule isnt the supreme world leader, but it needs to be the rule not the exception. Its ok if you are out late 1 day a week and she gets to bed late. Its not ok if that 1 day turns to 4 or 5. Your entire life needs to be built around her schedule. Sorry boss cant work over, its feeding time. Sorry bud cant have a beer it will interefere with nap time. Sorry hun you going to have to wait a few minutes etc.

But a sleeping baby from say 6-7 and then trying to get her down at 9...that just never would have happened with mine.

Every child is different. But mine slept through the night from 2 weeks on. I got them up at 4:30 when I got ready for work (God I dont miss those days) fed them changed them and layed them back down. Ay 7 it was up time with mommy. Lunch time with mommy and then a nap from 1-3. Then no nap until 8pm. (all times approx) and they slept through the night until my 4:30 AM wake up.

Someone else mentioned cereal in their bedtime bottle. Cant recommend that enough. You should know your kid, docs will say no cereal until age XYZ...well again every baby is different. My niece the doctor finally started her on it at like 9 days...she was insatiable. She is now 16 and weighs like 80lbs despite eating like a horse. She's had a mega metabolism from day 1.

Bit of a tangent there. My point is you cant give your kid total random events and structure and then be frustrated because they cant be ready to sleep when you want them to. Start from your desire. If that is asleep at 9m work backward from there. How long does she go between naps. If its say 6 hours...then at 2pm you better WAKE HER UP. Then by 9 she will be an hour into wanting to sleep...build feed times around this. If she goes right to sleep after eating and she wants to eat at say 8..stretch it. Make her wait a bit and feed her at 8:30. Control what you can control to get the outcome you want.

Or just let life happen and bitch about it.

::beer::
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Took the message right out of mouth.
 
I'll second or third the importance of schedule. Or 2.5 year old has been on a set schedule since about 8 months old. Nap at 1:30 every day. It started out as a crying fit, but he learned that he was gonna be in there for a hr wether he sleeps or not. He will do 2-2.5hrs usually.
This means we have to decline afternoon birthday party invites, and go to early service on Sunday. Life revolves around nap time LOL. If he misses it he's a wreck, and gets over tired. If he misses nap time , he gets wound up and it very difficult to get him to bed at 8:30(nighttime). Night routine consists of bath .5 hrs of some toddler Daniel tiger show, brush teeth, read a book and feed his goldfish, and tuck in.
Our 5 month old is another story. She hasn't developed any pattern yet, nor has she slept they the night. She wants to feed at least three times a night. We are gonna have to start working on her more.


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The best advice I was ever given, "sleep when the kid sleeps!" I think that parenthood is the most challenging thing I've ever encountered. Mines 4 now and it's something new everyday. And then the crazy "medical" thing that you can't remember shit (so you have another one), it's real. There's a lot of ups and downs, most of them are ups, first steps, first words, calling mom "dad" for a year. Enjoy the ride, you're no longer #1, you gave that up playing russian roulette without a condom! And get a count down clock, you have 17 years 10 months till you can kick them out legally!
 
Schedule for the win. Or at least, routine.

Take Tony's advice. Schedule your Jägermeister dosages consistently and everything else will fall into place.
 
Also, I've heard it said many times, and it's true.
Parenting is hard.
Anybody who says otherwise either hasn't had a normal kid, or is lying.
 
Lots of good advice here. I don't envy you. The absolute feeling of helplessness when your baby is miserable. Our first had colic something awful for months. Then the misery with teething, and even worse is the ear infections. It'll all be ok.
One thing you can try for colic is Star Anise. It's a natural spice, licorice is what it tastes like. Find one of those spice stores or someone who does baking.
Best of luck. Twenty years from now it'll seem like yesterday
 
YOUNGBLOOD13 said:
...It'll all be ok.
...
Best of luck. Twenty years from now it'll seem like yesterday
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Here's one of the things I kept reminding myself during the hard baby times. Then the teething. Then the walking and falling... then many years later, mood swings, puberty, watching them fail at things again and again...
People have been having and raising kids since literally the dawn of humanity. Clearly, it's worked out. Kids have survived. Parents have survived. Take a deep breath and remember it can be done.
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
So I have been reading about these so called "Bedtimes" So are parents picking a time, getting the child ready for bed (Changing, bath, feeding, etc) and taking them to their crib and laying them down and that's it? let em cry and just wear themselves out till they sleep?
Click to expand...
This is what I did with my nieces It worked for around 3 weeks at 5-6mo of age when the youngest one got bored with crying I ended up having to hold my hand on her back in total silence and darkness, she would push her self up and throw one hell of a fit screaming I put in headphones and did this for probably 2 solid months every other night to get her on a schedule and to know when it was time to sleep! Like mentioned tho the mother being in room or baby being able to hear her will trigger a comfort craving basically and baby won’t sleep bc it’s use to the moms touch/attention! I bought a white noise machine for our new born and hoping he isn’t bad at nights!?? But for last 9 months in the belly his party time is 11pm lol I got a hour and we’ll see if he starts dancing around now that he’s out.. lol
 
You need a schedule. That schedule should be followed as best as possible. 8:00-9:00 is too late for a kid to go to bed. 8 weeks shouldn't be sleeping through the night any how. You need to put her to be around 7:30. That's in bed at 7:30. That means bedtime routine starts 6:45. Sleep is one of the biggest things you can do for a child. Having a healthy bed time routine is super important. I rock my 3.5 year old to sleep every night. My wife still sleeps with our almost 6 year old. What you start now will what you continue to do later. It's very difficult to change. Babies that age are going to cry no matter what you do. Might as well let them figure out sleep while they do.

If you have a routine down it helps to eliminate questions as to why is this baby crying.

Super hard to hear them cry, as you can see, I didn't do cry it out. But, I have worked extremely hard to make it so my youngest sleeps in her bed alone at night. Getting her to sleep can be tough but she does sleep alone at night.

Parenting is hard. Listening to a baby cry is very hard. But, if you are going to let them cry, do it now.
 
Just remember your the boss but they are the priority. Bad boss and bad management bad outcome.......just like Ron put it bluntly. Your job one is the kid....but your the boss. Just right now the new crew member is untrained and hasn't got a clue.....

Good advice all around. Could be worse I was in a hospital for 70 couple days. Came home with huge scars and immediately alergic to damn near everything including milk and breast milk. Took a few weeks to get that figured out as well.

If the kids healthy count your blessings and you'll figure it out. Stay calm and walk plum away when needed.
 
I'll say this too...I've never been one to let babies cry. Again, mini-humans that can't verbalize...I don't know many adults that wouldn't be frustrated as f*ck being isolated and completely ignored by loved ones for an extended period of time, which just serves to further escalate the situation. Personally, I believe this is where the innate loyalty starts to develop, and who's gonna have the kid's back...doesn't mean they can't build strength and independence through other channels. But I digress, sleeping by themselves is a weening process as well. My 15 month old has slept 9p-7a, 11:30a-1p and 3:30p-5p (give or take and hour either direction), by herself since about month 4-5. There's some regression when she gets to sleep with mom and dad on vacations or when mom goes to the mountain house with her...and when she gets back home there is some fussing, but 30-45mins working with her for a night or 3, and it's back to smooth sailing. I know I only have one kid, but it's the same approach I've taken with nieces, nephews, siblings and at church...and it's worked so far. The key is the ability to read the kid...90% of all communication is unspoken, and you just get to hone that skill with someone that can't talk now.
 
I appreciate all the advice, even yours Ron! :)
So last night was the worst night we have had since she was born.....

From 3:30 pm - 11:30pm, she slept a total of 30 min. We put her down in her crib twice and walked away and she cried it out both times with no sleeping except the 30 min on the first go round. Around 9:00 last night, She looked to be getting sleepy again, so I took her upstairs, she immediately started crying as soon as I put her down, but I walked away and closed the door and let her cry it out. After 10 min, with my wife crying and me getting upset, I couldn't take it anymore, and I went and got her. I have never heard her cry so loud and so hard till last night. Her little eyes were swollen and tears all down her face. I hold her and then put her over my should and pat her back and she calms down after a minute or two. I then sit down and recline my chair back and she falls asleep on my chest and I laid there with her for about an hour just watching TV while she slept, feeling so bad about letting her cry like that. I took her upstairs and laid her down and she slept a good 3.5 hours till she woke up hungry again. Then she woke up again at 6:30 this morning to feed/diaper, stayed awake and fell back asleep when I left at 8:30 this morning and is currently now awake as of 10:15. So I am going to try and the wife to really stay on top of a schedule today. For the last 4-5 days this has been her nightly ways. We have been trying to stimulate her as much as we can. taking her on walks around the neighborhood, etc. Not for her to fall asleep but to get her out of the house and let her just explore and listen.
Last night was def a mental test for me. Twice, I had to set her down and walk out of the house and walk around outside. I really could have used some jager last night. Might stop on the way home and grab a bottle to have for nights like those.

But after reading, I wonder if she has colic. Going to talk to the Dr on Thursday and just see what she says. I might also try the rice cereal thing tonight too and see how that works.
 
Personally...I think you did just fine. Baby was tense, you de-escalated the situation, got her to calm down and fall asleep. When she was in a solid state of sleeping, you put her down. They're not all wins, but you're familiarizing her with the way things should be. It'll get better and better.
 
How often are you feeding her? Give her the boob. It will put her to sleep.
 
Try this out. Warm a blanket just before you lay her down. When she's ready to drift off, lay her down on the blanket. I think she may be sensing a change in temp (separation from Mom or Dad). I've heard this works. Couldn't hurt to try it.
 
You guys are doing good @Cherokeekid88 our first had reflux pretty bad the first 6 months. He couldn't sleep flat on his back during this time. We used a rock-n-play most of that time, as well as a reflux prescription. Once he got a little older the problem cleared up. It went even better once he learned to roll over and he could sleep on his stomach. It's good to know your limits and it's good to step away when you reach them. We all do it, heck last week Maggie was pissed. She had a clean diaper, just fed, couldn't get her to burp anymore. WTH are you screaming about!? I layed her down and stepped outside for 10 minutes. When I came back in she was fast asleep and slept for 3 hours. I think she was just exhausted and me hovering over her trying to appease her was just keeping her awake.
Just remember, it's not personal against you or momma. Step back and take a deep breath, she will be changing so fast. Enjoy these stressful phases as they come and go, you don't get them back. And you probably won't remember the frustration. Those first cackles from finding her tickle spots, or when she's sitting in your lap just talking gibberish, or the first time she says something close to "dada" it'll melt your heart and make it all worth it. The fact that you started this thread makes you a good Dad, and by all the responses you are in the company of many more. Pep talk over, I gotta go change a diaper!


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josh m said:
You guys are doing good @Cherokeekid88 our first had reflux pretty bad the first 6 months. He couldn't sleep flat on his back during this time. We used a rock-n-play most of that time, as well as a reflux prescription. Once he got a little older the problem cleared up. It went even better once he learned to roll over and he could sleep on his stomach. It's good to know your limits and it's good to step away when you reach them. We all do it, heck last week Maggie was pissed. She had a clean diaper, just fed, couldn't get her to burp anymore. WTH are you screaming about!? I layed her down and stepped outside for 10 minutes. When I came back in she was fast asleep and slept for 3 hours. I think she was just exhausted and me hovering over her trying to appease her was just keeping her awake.
Just remember, it's not personal against you or momma. Step back and take a deep breath, she will be changing so fast. Enjoy these stressful phases as they come and go, you don't get them back. And you probably won't remember the frustration. Those first cackles from finding her tickle spots, or when she's sitting in your lap just talking gibberish, or the first time she says something close to "dada" it'll melt your heart and make it all worth it. The fact that you started this thread makes you a good Dad, and by all the responses you are in the company of many more. Pep talk over, I gotta go change a diaper!


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I appreciate that! I really do!

After reading a ton of info on the web, I ran to Walgreens on my lunch and picked up some Gripe Water and some Rice Cereal. I went home right afterwards and LO had just been fed and I gave her some of the gripe water. Then when I got home, she ate again, did great throughout the evening. Last feeding of the night, we decided to give the rice cereal mixed in with the milk a try. We fed her the last bottle before bed with the rice cereal and it took her some time to fall asleep but she slept for a good 6 hours, woke up, changed her, fed her and she was just the happiest little baby this morning. Smiling and kicking and waiving her arms. I know this was just one night, but its a start. She maybe only fussed for about 20 minutes the whole night, which was a blessing for us.
 
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