Young marriage

I had absolutely no interest in getting married until I reached my early-mid 30's. I didn't even have any interest in a serious relationship until my late 20's.

Statistics show the divorce rate drops with marriage age.

I've got to throw this Jeff Foxworthy joke out there:
Getting married to have sex is like buying a 747 to get the peanuts.
 
Here's my (ignorance is bliss) take. My chick and I have been together for 9 years, since I was 19. We've lived in cramped dorm rooms and apartments together, we're buying a really nice home now together. We've fought with the best of them. We've done the long distance thing for 3 years, 5 hours apart. Hell, she'll even shit with door open and laugh when I catch a wiff as I walk by. Only thing we haven't done is get a joint account or file taxes together, but it's not like she doesn't have a spare copy of my debit card and vice versa. I do her taxes. We're not married yet, and probably won't be for a year or two yet, personally to me, that piece of paper isn't going to change a damn thing in the way we interact...it just gives her a right to half my stuff now. And hell, if she didn't say no kids until she has a ring, I'd be perfectly as is. It doesn't mean I love her any less, just means I don't think with the things we've been through, the government telling me I'm married is going to change any thing.
 
UTfball68 said:
Here's my (ignorance is bliss) take. My chick and I have been together for 9 years, since I was 19. We've lived in cramped dorm rooms and apartments together, we're buying a really nice home now together. We've fought with the best of them. We've done the long distance thing for 3 years, 5 hours apart. Hell, she'll even shit with door open and laugh when I catch a wiff as I walk by. Only thing we haven't done is get a joint account or file taxes together, but it's not like she doesn't have a spare copy of my debit card and vice versa. I do her taxes. We're not married yet, and probably won't be for a year or two yet, personally to me, that piece of paper isn't going to change a damn thing in the way we interact...it just gives her a right to half my stuff now. And hell, if she didn't say no kids until she has a ring, I'd be perfectly as is. It doesn't mean I love her any less, just means I don't think with the things we've been through, the government telling me I'm married is going to change any thing.
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That reads similar to my story with my first wife. We were high school sweethearts, long distance replationship for a year when she went to college and I finished senior year, moved in together to finish college, lived together and bought my parents' house (the house I grew up in). Remodeled it and got married. Shortly after finishing the remodel, (1 year, 1 month and 10 days after our wedding), we were divorced. You would have thought we had been through everything before we got married - married life should have been a breeze. My mother said on the day of the divorce, "For her, it was never a team effort - it was always about her and what she wanted. We never liked her." I thought that would have been good information prior to the wedding, but as she put it, "Would you have listened?" NOPE.

So.... that being said, not everyone turns into a self-serving, materialistic b!t¢h after getting married - I must have just gotten REAL lucky there - but things SHOULD change after getting married, or else it IS just a piece of paper and an expensive party. Things should change, but it should be for the betterment of the marriage, not the individual.
 
Marriage is a piece of paper if you think it should change your relationship for the better then your clearly not even close to understanding what marriage is. And I guarantee you this if you married a selfcentered bitch, she didn't change when you got married. Probably was just directed at you more. Clearly others saw that the relationship was terrible before marriage.

People saying marriage changes everything us the problem. It makes you confront all the nonsense you've ignore in the previous stages of relationships.

Communication is the key , BEFORE marriage.
 
I got married in July, Im 25. Thus far its the best thing Ive ever done.

However, there are challenges already but thats part of the package.
 
UTfball68 said:
Here's my (ignorance is bliss) take. My chick and I have been together for 9 years, since I was 19. We've lived in cramped dorm rooms and apartments together, we're buying a really nice home now together. We've fought with the best of them. We've done the long distance thing for 3 years, 5 hours apart. Hell, she'll even shit with door open and laugh when I catch a wiff as I walk by. Only thing we haven't done is get a joint account or file taxes together, but it's not like she doesn't have a spare copy of my debit card and vice versa. I do her taxes. We're not married yet, and probably won't be for a year or two yet, personally to me, that piece of paper isn't going to change a damn thing in the way we interact...it just gives her a right to half my stuff now. And hell, if she didn't say no kids until she has a ring, I'd be perfectly as is. It doesn't mean I love her any less, just means I don't think with the things we've been through, the government telling me I'm married is going to change any thing.
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Get back to us after you're married. It shouldn't change things. But, it does.
 
What are you considering young? I think the previous statements of how mature is more on spot as well and what kind of commitment you are ready for.

I started dating my wife when we were 16. We got married when we were 21. We started having kids at 29. We are now on our 32nd year marriage and 37 years together.
Our first 5 years of dating was fighting, arguing, jealousy, nit picking, all the immature stuff. The first eight years of marriage were partying, boating, camping, 4 wheeling, living a carefree life. The last 23 years were raising 4 beautiful daughters and while still enjoying the raising kids life. With 3 years left until our last daughter finishes college, we are now again looking forward to recreating more of our first eight years of marriage before we get too old to really enjoy. I might add there will a lot of time spent spoiling the new grandson as well!
 
BigBody79 said:
Get back to us after you're married. It shouldn't change things. But, it does.
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Legitimately asking, not trying to start a war, but how? I ask this question all the time, usually what I get is 'it just is'. Had we opened a joint account 9 years ago, we'd be married in the eyes of the government...after 7 years, do things magically happen differently, do we start treating eachother differently? Is common law marriage the purgatory between long term relationships and a wedding in a church? What happens if we just go down to the courthouse, will we be not quite as married as doing it up big in a church? I mean, her only being able to put a screw cap on just one thread is going to annoy me just as much whether I have that piece of paper or not. I don't have a crystal ball, and I can't travel back in time to see how things would have gone differently, if I got down on a knee years ago. For all intent and purposes, we've been married, just couldn't afford the wedding or ring I wanted to give her until recently. I know I know, I'm young and dumb, and know everything...but from the outside looking in, I don't think as much changes as it is, you're passed the smitten puppy dog love phase, now you see clearly and see the people for who they really are. People don't change, they just get exposed. I get it, you're with someone for 6 months or a year or maybe even a couple years, then get married and move in together, there are going to be surprises...but 5-10 years and living with that person for most of that time...I'm failing to see a whole lot of unexpected twists.

That's my professional opinion, I took a psychology class in college and have stayed at a Holiday Inn Express.
 
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Welp, I was old fashioned my 1'st marriage (due to how I was raised) and recommended marriage before we moved in together. Definately not my second and final! You don't know someone until you live together for at least 3-4 years...
 
6BangBronk said:
Welp, I was old fashioned my 1'st marriage (due to how I was raised) and recommended marriage before we moved in together. Definately not my second and final! You don't know someone until you live together for at least 3-4 years...
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That's the way my girl and I were raised too...we still catch shit from our parents and grandparents. I always respond with 'you don't know a shoe fits, until you try it on.'
 
It's not something that you can quantify. I do agree that you have put in the time to understand the whole picture. It shouldn't be different, but it is. However, you seem to have a handle on the common pitfalls.

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Me and a buddy were talking about it. I think that the difference for some people is that the feeling of being trapped. Think of it this way. I put you in a room with all your favorite things and a door. You'll be find. I put you in a room with all your favorite things and no door. All you'll want to do is find a way out.

Don't get me wrong, I think that you have a great handle on it.
 
19 years of marriage here.....too scared to leave....I think it's stockholm syndrome :lol:
 
I got one more piece of advise. Both of you have to give it 100% effort to make each other happy 100% of the time for it to even have a chance at working. There is no such thing as fall in love, get married, be happy forever. It's one of the hardest jobs you will take on. Now that my wife & I have been together 19 years we almost never argue we just discuss our different perspectives on the situation & then work it out.
 
Exactly what he said. Marriage isn't about you. It's about your partner. However, once you both see it that way, it all falls together in to an awesome harmony. We're all weird and you just have to find someone who likes your kind of weird and then decide to have a big, mutual weirdness :D

That being said....I'm 23. I don't really even want a girlfriend at the moment (recently got rid of one), but I know there are good women out there. Even if I had one, I damn sure wouldn't want to be married any time soon.
 
Sometimes you get the best perspectives that way though. Although I know very few of yall, I do know that I can get some pretty good responses and I sorta know who I can expect to reply to certain questions. So, I can see why someone would ask things like that.
 
Purpose was to see what other people say, if people look down on a bad as my family has in the past. But all of these strangers have made good points and bad points that could help out in the long run...
My prospective.
 
married my wife when she was seventeen and i was 21. i am now 39 years old,3 kids, and still married to the same woman. i know other people who married young and got divorced within a couple years, know people who married later in life and still got divorced.maybe i just got lucky with mine. we get pissed at each other but you get over things and move on
 
WUB, TWOOOO WUB!
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