Co-worker passing

Futbalfantic

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 5, 2006
Location
Charlotte
I had a co-worker pass last night from an non-accidental un-natural death. A lot of my co-workers are upset about it and the company brought in counselors. Some were good friends with them and I understand their grief, but others were "water cooler" friends and worked with them on occasion. I don't get it. Why the distress? What's say you?
 
Wow, never thought that a company would bring in counselors for that...I've had coworkers pass away, both at my previous (civilian) employer, as well as USMC. Even witnessed first hand coworkers (brothers in arms) be departed, and I never had work-provided counseling. Only talked to my shrink at the VA for other crap.
 
Can't let the snowflakes melt, you know.

We lost one of our own guys in a fire, back in 81. Any "counseling" amounted to the next Wednesday meeting everybody sitting around talking about him, what happened, and the weather, mostly because nobody felt like training. The world has changed a lot since then. "Deal with it" was the common attitude then. (But that was when the country was run by the Greatest Generation.)

Lost 2 friends in fifth and sixth grade. One classmate, one from Scouts. Both on bikes hit by cars. I remember one of them, a bunch of us went to funeral from school. Packed into cars driven by various mothers and teachers. Normal school day up to loading up. "Deal with it."

I turned out OK.
 
Everyone is affected differently by loss of life around them. Sometimes it is dictated by how they were brought up (generation) or whether they have experienced someone close to them passing or not.

Personally, I’m in the “Uh, sorry for your loss and stuff” group unless it’s a family member or a very close friend. Even then I tend to just keep on about my business. But a lot of that mentality is due to stuff that happened when I was younger making me pretty numb to death. It’s just how I cope. It’s also tested some relationships over the years when people in my generation and younger, seem to expect everyone to just dramaticize stuff. Like I said, everyone deals with loss differently. If a water cooler friend wants to talk to a counselor, fine. We don’t know if something about that persons passing triggered a memory or a past experience. If you want to just keep on rolling and move forward, fine. That’s your way.
 
As I’ve gotten older, death has given me more mixed emotions. I’m not in the ‘I need counseling’ camp...but it does make me feel something, even folks I don’t know that well. Within the last 2 years, had a mid-40’s IT Manager with a clean bill of health die from a heart attack (just had a physical the week before) and a guy that was active in a couple of my groups was in a bad car wreck. I wasn’t terribly close with either of them, it was just weird they were here one minute, and now they’re not. I have more sympathy for those that were close and think about if that were me. What’s sobering to me is, after a few days, most everyone goes back to normal, and you start thinking about your own legacy.
 
I have no sympathy for that kind of thing...

We had a co worker pass recently who had been ill for some time. The company filled his desk in 24 hours with out a second thought. We discussed it for a bit and how he was a good guy. Mostly joked about what would happen to his cool cars... We moved on. If I asked my company for a counselor I would be made fun of and probably fired lol
 
Sorry to hear about your coworker!

Yuppies... "generation cry"to feel better about real life issues we've had to deal with since the beginning. I've lost my grandmother, father and uncle in last two years,two of which I was extremely close with! Do I need a counselor? (That's questionable) but I mourned and still have memories so I can move on knowing their better off in reality! I feel like these ppl are hurting more than helping false sense of security with a counselor and also IMO makes you weak minded to not be able to mourn on your own without having someone to hold your hand or listen to ya problems and then move on in whatever way is best for you!! Touchy subject for some ppl I'm just a hardass I guess, and believe I'll see them again in a much better place...
 
Just found out a high school friend overdosed and died last night. Part of me wishes I felt more sympathetic. I just don't.
 
They won't respond because that's just how they are....but there are dozens on HERE that have watched coworkers die in front if them (military)
Did they get counseling? Hell no, pick their parts and pieces up and keep going.
But snowflakes generally melt when given orders so you won't find them there.
Not military myself (nor a snowflake) but had my best friend die behind me racing supermotos down tuggels gap in 2009. Buried it for a while, then dealt with it.. no counseling. Put on my big girl panties and rolled.

Not sure how big your company is, but sounds like corporate hell
 
I'm surprised that they brought in counselors - but I'm curious if the nature & publicity of her death played a part in that (I'm going to assume she was the lady killed in DV incident). Regardless, it sucks.

Everyone grieves differently & I would encourage the coworkers to take advantage of the counseling if needed. I lost my "work bestie" 3 months ago unexpectedly and I can't begin to describe how devastated I was (am). A fucking blood clot at 34. In fact, I'm struggling to type this & I'm not a snowflake. It hit me hard - harder than losing close family members.
 
According to statics we actually have the second highest PTSD rates behind the military (first responders) and are way up there on suicide rates. Ok guessing that has a lot to do with it. It is definitely pick and choose (or so it seems). We had one support staff commit suicide and another get killed over seas (vacation) and I do not remember this for them.
 
jeepin' jen said:
I can't begin to describe how devastated I was (am). A fucking blood clot at 34. In fact, I'm struggling to type this & I'm not a snowflake. It hit me hard - harder than losing close family members.
Click to expand...

Not trying to interpret your situation, but that does bring up a point. Some deaths hit harder, because they remind a person of their own mortality and vulnerability. For me, that was a young girl on 421, on the way to Wrightsville. This was the summer of 1980, I was 17, driving alone. Wreck out in front of me. Girl went thru the windshield. Dead by the time I was stopped. She was 18. And dead. That's when I realized the only time you have left is the moment you are in.

I have had some that I just heard about or saw on the news that put a lump in my throat, and turn around and feel nothing at all with a friend, more distant relative or other acquaintance. Like others have shared, I had to learn to deal with death early, and often. Lost my brother (only sibling) to the big C when he was 20, me 18.

Life is short. Real short for some.
 
I worked for 17 years for a large bank here in Charlotte. We had grief counselors and such when someone passed. Everyone deals with grief differently so the fact that it was offered and paid for by the company made me proud to be a part of the organization.

The problem I had with it though was with some of the folks who abused it. Numerous times I’d hear folks laugh about how they didn’t even know the deceased but would claim sadness since it meant paid time away from their jobs sitting in a room eating snacks and listening to a counselor
 
It's different here for us at the FD. We've had CISD's (critical incident stress debriefings) after the loss of one of our own, but never for any of my other employers. Having said that, I know in the FD it's a bit different because we spend an entire day with other members, and share some of the most difficult times together, whether it's job-related or personal lives. I've even been to CISD's for specific types of responses. It does help with certain instances and has kept me from hitting a bottle too hard.

I say all of that in approval of counselors or other types of coping mechanisms. However, I know that I am cold and crass, and have the "better them than me" train of thought with some situations. For sudden and unexpected deaths (medical or accidental), I understand why it's harder to cope with. For "unnatural, non-accidental" deaths, sounds like he might have wanted it that way, and had a deeper-seated problem that he may have needed counseling for. For every person that passes due to their own stupidity, I don't miss a minute's rest over.

I know people have their demons and their reasons, and counseling or meds won't fix it. I don't try to occupy myself with understanding it. If it hits home, I'll take care of it through various methods. If it doesn't, business as usual.
 
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