Why does suicide have to be the answer?

Cherokeekid88

Cherokeekid88

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jun 30, 2007
Location
High Point, NC
Having a rough Monday. One of my best friends step dad shot himself yesterday morning. No history of mental illness of any kind, just got in a bad situation and I guess he felt like he had no other way out. Left behind a wife, brother, 3 daughters, and a step son, as well as all the people that were close with him. I cannot imagine leaving my wife and daughter behind. What has to click with someone to where you feel that there is no other option? I won't go into details but the situation he was in was NOT THAT bad and could have been resolved and left those 3 girls a dad to walk them down the isle....I can't help but to be mad and feel like he is just a selfish coward and my heart just hurts for everyone he left behind.
 
I understand your/their anger

But sometimes it's NOT that easy.

I have far too many friends that work VERY hard to find a reason every day to keep going. There's memories you can't erase, pain you can't stop, and suffering you hope to never imagine that compounds daily. My father ended his life on his back porch. and 12 years ago this past march I was in the shower with a shotgun in my mouth ready to end mine. 2 different ends of the spectrum of why (his was physical pain, mine was emotional)

People say it's a cowards way out. But they've never lived one second in their shoes to know what they live with daily.

I'm in a better place, because a friend found me first and got me some help. And to this day I'm grateful. My repayment is unfortunately being "tuned in" to the symptoms and reaching out to others that may be hurting in the same way, or may just need a friend to talk THEM off the ledge. It's not a "gift" I wanted. But it's one I choose to use to help others.

I'm sorry for your loss
 
I don't think it's "the" answer. I think it's "an" answer. Some chose to think it is their only option at the time. Just look at @CasterTroy . He couldn't be happier making cat photos but at the time he felt that ending it was the way out from the feelings he had.
 
CasterTroy said:
I understand your/their anger

But sometimes it's NOT that easy.

I have far too many friends that work VERY hard to find a reason every day to keep going. There's memories you can't erase, pain you can't stop, and suffering you hope to never imagine that compounds daily. My father ended his life on his back porch. and 12 years ago this past march I was in the shower with a shotgun in my mouth ready to end mine. 2 different ends of the spectrum of why (his was physical pain, mine was emotional)

People say it's a cowards way out. But they've never lived one second in their shoes to know what they live with daily.

I'm in a better place, because a friend found me first and got me some help. And to this day I'm grateful. My repayment is unfortunately being "tuned in" to the symptoms and reaching out to others that may be hurting in the same way, or may just need a friend to talk THEM off the ledge. It's not a "gift" I wanted. But it's one I choose to use to help others.

I'm sorry for your loss
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wow...

You're right not knowing what people are going through, but it almost seemed like an immediate reaction to his situation. Never showed any signs before hand that he would ever harm himself or anyone else, but I know that can also be something doesn't necessarily come to the surface till something catastrophic happens to someone.

But good for you, I am glad that you were able to walk away and get on with your life and use your struggle to help others.
 
Been thru this with people very close to me and it is an answer and it is a way out for them but it is selfish as all it dose is move there problems and responsibilities to someone else but nobody in this state of mine can comprehend that there so far gone if they are considering this at all best we can try to do is be a positive light in there life I’m very sorry for your loss


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Dang @CasterTroy , never knew (or thought) that. Glad it worked out in the end though.

The cat photo comment was great, but I was wondering, was driving a flaming Bronco really THAT bad?

To the OP, I agree I couldn't imagine doing that to my family, and I hope I never have to get close to thinking about it.
 
I've seen far too many. I've felt that wrath way too much and it sucks. I'm very sorry for what happened first and foremost.
I've been in the mindset before where I didn't care, but it was more like not being afraid to explore the unkown. Back in early 2004 while I was getting ready to walk across the stage to get my HS diploma, my classmates and I lost one of our best friends Eric Hardy. His kind and generous nature caused him to wind up landing possession charges because of some "friends" that bailed on a party and dropped a few ounces of weed on him when the cops showed up. He went on house arrest after a while in jail which greatly interrupted his dreams of walking across the stage with his closest friends and following up with a scholarship to USC class of '05. His father was an abusive piece of crap that one night pushed him over the edge and Eric took his life literally days before graduation by means of a 12g to the skull right in his own bedroom. I don't regard it as an act of cowardess. It's easy to say that it takes a coward to kill themselves, as spoken by the living, but given to chance to ask the deceiced, what would they say? I would imagine that it's down right terrifying.
Later that year I visited the house where it happened and saw the bloodstains. That's where the story ends.

Best of luck.
 
Tough situation on any persons part I have been down some dark alleys myself, living with regret and still do struggle with regrets of not doing things or over doing things.But you gotta keep on keeping on, we don’t decide when we leave this earth and the thought of my family knowing I’m that selfish to commit suicide, fight or flight comes in and to often flight is the easiest way out... sorry for ya friends loss!
 
The problem with preventing suicide and helping depression is that it isnt always easy to see in other people.
Most people who struggle with this every day have become very good at hidding the problems from everyone, even people close to them.
I do understand the feeling that suicide is a "cowards" way out, but untill you have walked in a person's shoes who has attempted taking their own life,i for one wouldnt be so quick to pass judgment on them.

I guess all I can say is, if you cant contemplate what would make a person take their own life, consider yourself lucky......
 
I don't know if we could stop every single suicide, but we need to talk about is prevention. Sometimes all it takes is a listening ear from someone you trust.

Being a veteran I have seen it way to many times, someone reaching out and showing tendancys but no one responded. I do believe some hide it very well.
 
First off, Im sorry for your friends and all involveds loss. Ill say a prayer for all who are affected.

Suicide sucks. It only makes it easier on the one who is gone, and makes everyone elses life more painful. Its never the right answer, but sometimes it seems the only answer to some. A close friend of mine tried to commit suicide by riding his dirbike out in front of a Mack truck intentionally with no helmet. We had just got back from the track and I passed the truck after dropping him off. He seemed off, but didnt seem depressed or desperate. Thats a scene that Ill never forget. One of the hardest nights of my life. He was in some trouble with the law, but nothing that was too bad. I still wish I would have known, Id have never dropped him off.

I was 16 and he was 15.
 
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OP, I am sorry to hear about your friend's step dad. That is terrible.

I had some dark days the first year after I graduated high school. They crept back up on me again when I was about 22-23. It was due to pressure from my parents and society I guess too to succeed in life. I didn't go 4 yrs straight through college right after high school like my older sister did and that my parents expected of me. I worry about my son having those same feelings and thoughts, so I don't plan on putting the same pressure on him. That is something I think about a lot, and worry about.

I'm 44 yrs old, and still have nightmares about college. The dream is basically the same every time. I have some variation of this dream probably about once a year, maybe more. In the dream, I am working at my current job, at my current age, in my current life (married with a son), but then find out I am missing several classes needed to graduate. I have to go back to school, but then I am trying to understand how I am going to be in school somewhere else full time, but also at my job. In the dream, I am frequently in the process of moving back into a dorm or apartment, but the whole situation seems out of touch. I am very stressed out during the dream not understanding what is going on, then I wake up.
 
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Went and visited with my buddy and his family last night and we had a good long talk about what all went down and turns out that people closest to him said that he hadn't been his normal self for the past year. Said that his drinking escalated and became less social and was working all the time. Had just started his own business just a few months back. My heart just hurts for those he left behind over something that probably would have worked itself out, but I guess he didn't see it that way.
 
I'm sure I'm in the extreeeeeeeeeeeeeeme minority here, but my youngest brother has been a suicide risk twice. My advice both times is to fucking do it and get it over with or nut up and be a productive member of society. Some times, breaking up the pity party works. Life isn't that bad. People die all the time for any number of reasons. Cleanse the gene pool and move on. Sorry, I'm not going to boohoo over someone that quits or puts everyone else through the emotional turmoil of 'is he or isn't he'. Any time someone dies, it's sad and someone will miss them. Like they say with cheating and quitting, once it becomes an option, it will always be an option.
 
Everyone dies. I see nothing cowardly about leaving on your own terms.

I've had the errant thought over the years, but not strong enough to act on, and have gotten great at finding shit to distract/motivate me, and I'm always glad I've kept on keepin on.

I can see scenarios where you've gone as far as you feel you can go, or your body is physically crumbling due to illness or other, or legal/financial troubles that are beyond hope. It's all subjective, and we can't fairly judge others from our own perspective. Hell, some people legit have a badly wired brain from the start or from childhood issues, and are chemically depressed and always will be. Would you rather they take it out on society somehow, or just politely excuse themselves?
 
Threatening and doing it are two different animals I agree. One of my good friends and one of my biggest hero's (grandfather) killed themselves. They will never be cowards in my book. Pain comes in many forms. The self inflicted variety of substance abuse IMO is a cake walk along side the personal hurt that can drive you to wish it all goes away. Unless you've ever experienced it don't mock or well-wish that path to go away. @CasterTroy you may understand me when I say this: I cant sympathize what you went through but I fully recognize what got you there. See the thing is the last thing anybody wants is sympathy. It may outwardly seem so but what they need is understanding, support, and help without strings. Feeling bad for someone who is inexplicably miserable is just a pity party. Coming to them on their terms and at their level of need is the way to reach out. It takes a genuine interest and understanding beyond superficial or obvious circumstances. This is what most lack and helps drive the depression. In my case my family members and friends pride was as big a factor as anything else. Sometimes the courageous thing to to is the most audacious to those who cannot relate. Folks who have dealt with, deal with, and eyed that part of the devil hold my deepest respect and understanding.
Sounds like some warning signs where present. Even then its difficult to know. Trust me those that are left behind will blame themselves for not seeing them. This will be a burden hard to kick. In reality the bravest of the afflicted hide it the best. Sometimes it just is...........

Prayer sent.
 
WARRIORWELDING said:
Threatening and doing it are two different animals I agree. One of my good friends and one of my biggest hero's (grandfather) killed themselves. They will never be cowards in my book. Pain comes in many forms. The self inflicted variety of substance abuse IMO is a cake walk along side the personal hurt that can drive you to wish it all goes away. Unless you've ever experienced it don't mock or well-wish that path to go away. @CasterTroy you may understand me when I say this: I cant sympathize what you went through but I fully recognize what got you there. See the thing is the last thing anybody wants is sympathy. It may outwardly seem so but what they need is understanding, support, and help without strings. Feeling bad for someone who is inexplicably miserable is just a pity party. Coming to them on their terms and at their level of need is the way to reach out. It takes a genuine interest and understanding beyond superficial or obvious circumstances. This is what most lack and helps drive the depression. In my case my family members and friends pride was as big a factor as anything else. Sometimes the courageous thing to to is the most audacious to those who cannot relate. Folks who have dealt with, deal with, and eyed that part of the devil hold my deepest respect and understanding.
Sounds like some warning signs where present. Even then its difficult to know. Trust me those that are left behind will blame themselves for not seeing them. This will be a burden hard to kick. In reality the bravest of the afflicted hide it the best. Sometimes it just is...........

Prayer sent.
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They all absolutely blame themselves in some way. Not taking a phone call, visiting more often, wondering if calling the cops was the wrong move and spooked him. I know that its natural for them to feel like someone could have done something, but I think his mind was made up and if it not that day, it would have been another.
 
The first half of that comment is understandable, the last is a testament to many as to why it will continue to be a fact of our social lives. Both sad and very true. The last however with the right motives and understanding could change. Fix the fixable. Deal with whats been dealt.
 
Depression is a terrible thing, and I think there is no way to truly understand what someone is going through unless it's you living it. The shitty thing is that the ones that hide it the best are the ones that need the most help.
My brother took his life at the beginning of the year this year. He left behind a wife and two young boys. No troubles, or signs of depression that anyone noticed. In fact I thought he was one of the few in the family that actually had his shit together. It shocked everyone in the family. At first I tried to make sense of it, but have come to peace with the fact that I'll never really know. I was never mad, I just wish he was strong enough to let someone know before it got that far.
 
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drkelly said:
I just saw this on the TV while I was at the gym.

9 year old boy kills himself because he was bullied. He told his mom 4 days earlier that he was gay.

9-year-old Denver boy dies by suicide after being bullied at school, mother says
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I read that this morning thinking " How the hell does this little boy know he's gay and that he needed to kill himself?" But then I remembered that with social media and access to everything in the palm of your hands now, kids are way beyond their years.
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
I read that this morning thinking " How the hell does this little boy know he's gay and that he needed to kill himself?" But then I remembered that with social media and access to everything in the palm of your hands now, kids are way beyond their years.
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Social media definitely speeds things up and makes bullying worse. 9 yrs old is starting 4th grade right now. You know by then if you are gay or straight. I remember my friend Ben Jones busting out one of his dad's Playboy mags and showing it to me when we were around that age. You are either turned on by those images of naked women or you are not, and you know it. It is a primal instinct. I heard a few years ago that my friend Ben killed himself too. I hadn't seen him since about 6th grade when his family moved to Texas due to his dad's job. I never kept up with him after they moved. I don't know what happened in his life that drove him to that decision. He was a good friend from 1st-6th grade.
 
UTfball68 said:
I'm sure I'm in the extreeeeeeeeeeeeeeme minority here, but my youngest brother has been a suicide risk twice. My advice both times is to fucking do it and get it over with or nut up and be a productive member of society. Some times, breaking up the pity party works. Life isn't that bad. People die all the time for any number of reasons. Cleanse the gene pool and move on. Sorry, I'm not going to boohoo over someone that quits or puts everyone else through the emotional turmoil of 'is he or isn't he'. Any time someone dies, it's sad and someone will miss them. Like they say with cheating and quitting, once it becomes an option, it will always be an option.
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I can honestly say I am embarrassed for you for this post.

It's one thing to have such an opinion, and a completely different one to post such an ignorant reply to a post started by someone who is grieving for a person who took their own life.

One day you might walk in this mans shoes, but untill that day, I would keep your opinions to yourself.......
 
junkxj said:
I can honestly say I am embarrassed for you for this post.

It's one thing to have such an opinion, and a completely different one to post such an ignorant reply to a post started by someone who is grieving for a person who took their own life.

One day you might walk in this mans shoes, but untill that day, I would keep your opinions to yourself.......
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I have walked in the OP's shoes, personal mentor of mine...he lived 200yds on the other side of the woods behind my house, did several family summer vacations with him, I was the best man at his son Tim's wedding, played 2 years of varsity football with his son Chris and our daughters play together as recently as this Sunday in the church play room. He was recently divorced, sons were defending mom, he was having a particularly bad go of it, I had just finished mowing his yard...he asked if I wanted to do dinner with him, I blew him off to get shit faced with a buddy and find some strange. Get a call less than 24hrs later from Tim telling me his dad headed to TN shortly after I left his house to jump off a bridge. I do

David Anthony Cook's Obituary on Salisbury Post

As I mentioned I have a brother I have to worry about daily...still feel the same way. Do it, don't do it...death is inevitable. As a God fearing man, I wouldn't...but I'm not going to shed a tear over someone that does. Don't confuse my stance on suicide as a lack of empathy for the situation. The thread title is 'why does suicide have to be an answer'...not 'i'm grieving and help me get through this tough time'.
 
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