The Do Not's of X-mas!

49willys

Well-Known Member
Joined
Sep 19, 2008
Location
Boone
Do Not take my last beer!
Do Not invite yourself for 11 days!
Do Not complain if it's cold, and not willing to help with firewood!
Do Not come expecting anything fixed on your car!
Do Not let the fire go out!
Do Not let the coffee run out (wake up to half a cup)
Do Not block the driveway!

Some people realize that 3 feet of distance is not enough, some don't!

I don't give a rats ass about the Patriots.
 
My list:
Do not light up a cigarette in my truck or house.
Do not start grabbing food off the table the second I pull it off the grill.
Do not sit and play on the phone during prayer.
Do not brag about how much or little you spent.
Do not leave without taking a few lbs of scrumptious food with you.
Do come back next year.
 
Do not come expecting me to agree with your politics. If you knew what I truly believe (anarchist/III%) I promise you will leave terrified
Do not block the exploder. My wife will inevitably send my ass out for something
Do not wear your shoes in the house. Theres a well built shoe rack in the garage for a reason. Respect the hardwoods
Do not come with just sodas. If you lack any cooking skills, have the decency to bring a QUALITY bourbon
Do not touch the walls. I've buried closer family because my wife caught them skuffing the walls.
Do not go into our bedroom unless my wife has authorized it. There are things in there that you wont be able to unsee
 
49willys said:
Do Not take my last beer!
Do Not invite yourself for 11 days!
Do Not complain if it's cold, and not willing to help with firewood!
Do Not come expecting anything fixed on your car!
Do Not let the fire go out!
Do Not let the coffee run out (wake up to half a cup)
Do Not block the driveway!

Some people realize that 3 feet of distance is not enough, some don't!

I don't give a rats ass about the Patriots.
Click to expand...
House guests I’m assuming that have already wore out their welcome?
 
House guests and fish ..... both begin to stink after 3 days.
 
Do not pick up my eggnog!(to strong for a normal person to handle)
Do not show up at 530 am to start watching kids open presents.
Do not turn football on in my house until our military gets paid what those phgts are making! (No exceptions bars all around with the game on)
Do not wrap my gifts with tape over paper I carry a knife ftw.
Do not shew my dog away if he comes up to greet you, he runs the security!
Do not lie to the kids and tell them Santa paid for all their shit, Santa is our personal delivery boy that is it!
Do not Happy Holidays me on Christmas Day!
Do not forget to remember the reason for the season folks!
Do not forget about all our military/family that’s not home for the holidays! Their the reason we can have this day in peace!!!
 
Last edited:
C.Berry said:
Do not turn football on in my house until our military gets paid what those phgts are making! (No exceptions bars all around with the game on)
Click to expand...
If that ever happens, can I collect my back pay? :lol:

C.Berry said:
Do not forget about all our military/family that’s not home for the holidays! Their the reason we can have this day in peace!!!
Click to expand...
​

If it weren't for my daughter, all I wanted last night for Christmas was to go back to the one I had 13 years ago in Iraq, sitting next to a barrel fire puffing on my Backwoods cigar. That was a damn peaceful night. :smokin:
 
Scooter402 said:
If that ever happens, can I collect my back pay? :lol:

​

If it weren't for my daughter, all I wanted last night for Christmas was to go back to the one I had 13 years ago in Iraq, sitting next to a barrel fire puffing on my Backwoods cigar. That was a damn peaceful night. :smokin:
Click to expand...
Brother I wish I could make em pay up! you have no idea!! It’s sad but most vets never did it for the money anyway!!
 
Can’t believe I forgot this one! (Especially if you’re female!) Do NOT take your pants off and leave them on my side of the bed and then go home!
 
R Q said:
Can’t believe I forgot this one! (Especially if you’re female!) Do NOT take your pants off and leave them on my side of the bed and then go home!
Click to expand...

I'm not sure if there's a joke I'm missing here, but this implies that you've had men leaving their pants your bed and then ditching you???
 
UTfball68 said:
I'm not sure if there's a joke I'm missing here, but this implies that you've had men leaving their pants your bed and then ditching you???
Click to expand...
No men involved! :D Our daughter (my step daughter) came over on Christmas and went into our bedroom to pet the cat and evidently took off her jeans (she had on yoga pants also) and left them by my side of the bed. I picked them up and put on my wife's side and when she found them she says "these aren't mine"! :eek: Well I had nothing to hide plus I've been down healing up from knee surgery so no way anything could have been going on concerning me. I thought maybe my son?... No he wouldn't be that stupid. Then I remembered Katie going in to see the cat but also losing the door so thats what I figured and when wife checked with her...yep! :rolleyes:
 
I believe this little story just might be appropriate here.....

Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover.

He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a
couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.

He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and
pressed.

Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,
spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey,
breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast
and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating. Marty asks, "Son, what happened
last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home around 3am drunk and delirious.
Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black
eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean,
And breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when
she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone! I'm
married!"

Self-induced hangover -- $100.00
Broken furniture -- $2,000.00
Breakfast -- $10.00
Saying The Right Thing While Drunk-PRICELESS
 
Back
Top