This is for all of you with Stay at home spouse... need some help/guidance.

Cherokeekid88

Cherokeekid88

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jun 30, 2007
Location
High Point, NC
Wife and I are toying with the idea again of her possibly (and I say that very loosely) being a stay at home mom. 2 of my wife's goal is to A.) Have another baby and B.) Be a stay at home mom.

She just started a new job which is better than her old one, but I can still see in her face that she isn't completely happy. My biggest concern is being able to afford to be cut to only one salary...my salary :(

On the other side of it, if we had another child, which my wife and I both want, Don't really see how we could afford having 2 in daycare at the same time, so we'd be saving $1600 a month.

My wife and daughter are currently on my insurance through work and while I take a hit on the premium, its not too too bad, but wonder if my wife didn't work, could her and my daughter be put on medicaid?

I have also read that for my wife to be able to draw SS, she would have needed to work for 40 quarters, which is 10 years, which she has.

Also another question would be at tax time, we already get back a good amount with have one dependent and my wife and I both working, so I am guess the amount we get back would be more? Only reason, I ask is to know that at the beginning of the year, we could put that money back.

I am trying to think of all avenues at this point to see if its even doable. Our current bills basically equals what I make per month and that is with Insurance for the whole family coming out of my check, but can work on paying some things off to create more wiggle room.

Wife and I are just trying to think for the future and how all this would pan out and I'm sure once the kids got older, she might want to go back to work.

So if anyone is in this situation and can shed some light and direction, Please PM me.
 
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My wife has 2 VERY part time jobs. Like a few hours a week. So not quite 1 income, but close. We don't need her income and go back and forth on her continuing to work, but she mainly does it to stay connected in her field. She actually resigned, then unresigned from one job already this year.

Also, I've been gainfully employed for 15 years and we've always tried to keep our expenses below my salary only and whatever she makes is "extra".

That being said... You would get additional money back for the second child in the year they're born. For insurance, typically once you're paying for family coverage number of dependents doesn't matter, so no additional cost there.

Daycare is nuts... unless you have family/grandparents or whoever to help keep kids, you have to make ALOT of money just to offset the cost of child care. I have a friend with 3 kids and his wife's income basically all goes to daycare. I don't get it.

It's good that you're thinking about all this, but if it's this close I'd say the responsible thing to do is hold off in the 2nd child for a little while. Save, bank as much as you can, work as much as you and she can, then revisit. I also realize you never know what tomorrow may bring and putting your family on hold may not be the best decision.
 
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could she find a work from home job? The interior designer at my work works from home, we have skype meetings and when we have to have in person meetings she usually has her daughter. No one ive worked with client wise has seemed to care.

EDIT- we also have a marketing person that works from home, and a finance person that works about 75% of the time from home. i could also work from home some if needed/ i wanted to. start looking and find a company thats willing to work with your goals in mind. you may need to work somewhere for a year then you could go remote.

also a friends wife works for a medical testing facility and does their scheduling and works remote. there are more remote jobs than ever. even a part time remote job would get you closer to where you want to be.
 
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Loganwayne said:
could she find a work from home job? The interior designer at my work works from home, we have skype meetings and when we have to have in person meetings she usually has her daughter. No one ive worked with client wise has seemed to care.

EDIT- we also have a marketing person that works from home, and a finance person that works about 75% of the time from home. i could also work from home some if needed/ i wanted to. start looking and find a company thats willing to work with your goals in mind. you may need to work somewhere for a year then you could go remote.

also a friends wife works for a medical testing facility and does their scheduling and works remote. there are more remote jobs than ever. even a part time remote job would get you closer to where you want to be.
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So this might be the compromise. but the only issue is if we had another baby, working while trying to take care of a newborn isn't going to work out well. Also, we didn't really want our 2 kids to be as far apart as they would be now, but with inflation and covid, there is just no way we could survive having 2 in daycare at the same time. I also like the idea of the wife being a home with the kids as well, even though daycare has really been a blessing to our daughter who has learned so much, but with her starting Kindergarten next year, we would still have to pay for her daycare afterschool, and if the wife was at home, she could just be picked up from school everyday.
 
I've been trying for years to be a stay-at-home wife. My shopping habits determined that was never going to happen 🙄

So, the only thing I can really assist with is the Medicaid eligibility piece. The program is income-based so it would all depend on your income. More than likely, your wife would potentially qualify for pregnancy coverage or family planning services only as the income limits are extremely low for parents. For example, to qualify for full Mediciad as a parent/caretaker, the monthly income limit for a family of 3 is $667.00. Meanwhile, for a child under age 5, the limit is $4,031.00/month. The income limits are typically updated annually to reflect the federal poverty limits. There are some pre-tax deductions that can be excluded from the monthly income plus a 5% disregard that they throw in.
 
jeepin' jen said:
I've been trying for years to be a stay-at-home wife. My shopping habits determined that was never going to happen 🙄

So, the only thing I can really assist with is the Medicaid eligibility piece. The program is income-based so it would all depend on your income. More than likely, your wife would potentially qualify for pregnancy coverage or family planning services only as the income limits are extremely low for parents. For example, to qualify for full Mediciad as a parent/caretaker, the monthly income limit for a family of 3 is $667.00. Meanwhile, for a child under age 5, the limit is $4,031.00/month. The income limits are typically updated annually to reflect the federal poverty limits. There are some pre-tax deductions that can be excluded from the monthly income plus a 5% disregard that they throw in.
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that a lot of good information. I appreciate that! I think it would be harder for me personally because I would know that we didn't really have money to go on vacations or buy this or buy that, which I know we don't need, but I remember my wife during covid when she was furloughed for about 12 weeks and we took my daughter out of daycare... I have never seen either of them that happy since.
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
So this might be the compromise. but the only issue is if we had another baby, working while trying to take care of a newborn isn't going to work out well. Also, we didn't really want our 2 kids to be as far apart as they would be now, but with inflation and covid, there is just no way we could survive having 2 in daycare at the same time. I also like the idea of the wife being a home with the kids as well, even though daycare has really been a blessing to our daughter who has learned so much, but with her starting Kindergarten next year, we would still have to pay for her daycare afterschool, and if the wife was at home, she could just be picked up from school everyday.
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Alot of jobs have flexible hours as long as the work gets done. Work during naps, before they get up, after you get home.

Its that or drastically alter your lifestyle.
 
In a world where damn near every business is offering roles with WFH opportunities, I'd have her go that route. That said, if she's like my wife...she likes having adult interaction and feeling like she's contributing to the finances. She tried the stay at home thing for a short period, she loves our kids, she loves being a mommy, but needed some time to function in the real world. She found her dream job and dream scenario, director of children's ministry at our church, with a max of 15hrs/wk. More often than not, she can take our kids to whatever function she's actually performing for church. Beyond that...it's just a math equation as to whether you can afford it our not. Your income minus your expenses should be greater than 0.
 
I can’t attest the Medicare or tax portion but growing up, my mom did the stay at home mom thing after being laid off from a job, can’t remember how long she did it but I do remember her playing absolute hell landing a job once she went to get back into the workforce. Now she just has like basic “data entry” job type skills and Maybe that played a big role but she, at times, worked 2-3 shit jobs just to support herself, my brother, and I. She was miserable. I can’t imagine finding a job to be too difficult in these times, but could still be another potential issue to consider….I’ll add another short story, my ex wife’s uncle was a hiring manager for a company that worked on cranes, he had two candidates to interview for a position, one more qualified than the other. However the more qualified one was currently unemployed while the less qualified was employed just not in the field. He went with the less qualified guy as he was currently employed and felt like the other guy not having a job was revealing of the type worker he would get…..again neither of these could even be an issue for your wife once she were to go back to work, just throwing out my experiences
 
Loganwayne said:
Alot of jobs have flexible hours as long as the work gets done. Work during naps, before they get up, after you get home.

Its that or drastically alter your lifestyle.
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I haven't had a job in 10 years almost now that cared my "real" hours. Get the job done in whatever it takes. Of course you have to be available for meetings, but I can do dark the middle of the day for 3 hours if i don't have anything going on and nobody asks any questions. Tech companies are often easier in this aspect though.
 
As long as you don't think your house will be cleaner with her staying at home. At least, that's how it went at my house. ymmv

For us, daycare was never a large enough expense for my wife to stay home. It was a big expense, but nothing to a decent salary. My wife stopped working the end of 2021, but had been working mostly from home for several years already. Personally, I would rather her have a job so we could save more money for down the road. That being said, your kids are only young once, so if you guys can make it work, good for you. My kids are 14 and 10, so it's very different now.
 
justjeepin86 said:
As long as you don't think your house will be cleaner with her staying at home. At least, that's how it went at my house. ymmv
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I fought that battle for 3 years…finally broke down about 3 months ago for a part time nanny/housekeeper.
 
Loganwayne said:
there goes the private island
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No way dude...circle-jerk Island WILL happen. May take a few years more, and may have to take on more partners..but it WILL happen.

(BTW...have you got @McCracken new number? He blocked me on his old one, and I have a powerpoint I need to send to him for #reasons)
 
UTfball68 said:
In a world where damn near every business is offering roles with WFH opportunities, I'd have her go that route. That said, if she's like my wife...she likes having adult interaction and feeling like she's contributing to the finances. She tried the stay at home thing for a short period, she loves our kids, she loves being a mommy, but needed some time to function in the real world. She found her dream job and dream scenario, director of children's ministry at our church, with a max of 15hrs/wk. More often than not, she can take our kids to whatever function she's actually performing for church. Beyond that...it's just a math equation as to whether you can afford it our not. Your income minus your expenses should be greater than 0.
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X whatever on a WFH job. I agree 100% with the sentiment that "working" while balancing an infant and a kindergardener is unlikely to be actually "getting work done" and most employers are pretty clear that WFH is is not "we're paying for you to do daycare".
However the key is having a shifted/structured working schedule that balances against yours. Maybe she can plan to work in the evenings after you get home and take over infant duty. Or maybe she can find a job that can be done in random spurts (e.g. data entry, file processing) in between bits of feeding and Dear-God-why-is-this-kid-crying.

the point is, its way more doable today than it was 3 years ago.

And akin to Ben, the magic sweet spot was ~12-15 hr work week for the wife. She had been a classroom teacher, but changed to doing home/hospital teaching, and ended up in a special program where she worked every day until about noon. Been ding that 13 years now. We only needed childcare in the morning, then when the kids were in school she was there with them when they got home - and give her a couple hours to herself each day. Still gets to have a meaningful career and do adult things but also be Mom.
 
CasterTroy said:
No way dude...circle-jerk Island WILL happen. May take a few years more, and may have to take on more partners..but it WILL happen.
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Key point: Maid er, housekeeper is one of the partners.
 
CasterTroy said:
No way dude...circle-jerk Island WILL happen. May take a few years more, and may have to take on more partners..but it WILL happen.

(BTW...have you got @McCracken new number? He blocked me on his old one, and I have a powerpoint I need to send to him for #reasons)
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Nonsense. I still have the same number AND I have yours.
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
Also another question would be at tax time, we already get back a good amount with have one dependent and my wife and I both working, so I am guess the amount we get back would be more? Only reason, I ask is to know that at the beginning of the year, we could put that money back.
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You really should not be thinking about taxes as "how much will I get back?" but rather, "How much will I be paying total, and how much will the remaining amount change (go down)?"
And that's something you can calculate pretty easily - look at the total you make now, minus the deduction for 1 dependent, and look up the tax owed for that much. then do the same for the new, lower income, but now do deduction for 2 children.
There's no question you will pay less in tax, because both (1) you are making less to be taxed and (2) you get more deductions. But what really matters is the difference in REMAINING income after you pay those taxes.

IMO it's generally a bad idea to think of your tax refund as extra money or like a savings account. It's all your money, its just a question of how much you pre-pay a debt - do you overpay or underpay? If you like getting a nice extra bump annually, there are better, more reliable ways to do that.
 
RatLabGuy said:
You really should not be thinking about taxes as "how much will I get back?" but rather, "How much will I be paying total, and how much will the remaining amount change (go down)?"
And that's something you can calculate pretty easily - look at the total you make now, minus the deduction for 1 dependent, and look up the tax owed for that much. then do the same for the new, lower income, but now do deduction for 2 children.
There's no question you will pay less in tax, because both (1) you are making less to be taxed and (2) you get more deductions. But what really matters is the difference in REMAINING income after you pay those taxes.

IMO it's generally a bad idea to think of your tax refund as extra money or like a savings account. It's all your money, its just a question of how much you pre-pay a debt - do you overpay or underpay? If you like getting a nice extra bump annually, there are better, more reliable ways to do that.
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nuh-uh
The government pays me not to work.
More kids more dollas.
 
justjeepin86 said:
As long as you don't think your house will be cleaner with her staying at home. At least, that's how it went at my house. ymmv
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1657828112306.png

You are not alone my man.
 
Well, I am just trying to look at this through all angles. And while tax return "shouldn't be counted on as extra money... in my eyes, it sorta is and is to a lot of folks. Even though, its money we are paying every paycheck, we don't see it and in turn comes around back to us in sorta one lump sum. Because, what we do is when we get our tax refund, we don't spend it on a vacation or anything fancy...we put it into our daycare account and each month, we add money to the account out of our paychecks and that's what we use to pay for child care all year. it sorta gives us a head start for the year. Makes it really easy for us because we don't ever really have to look at it, we know every paycheck it gets funded and we have it setup to pay every Sunday for the following week.
I honestly at this point, can't see her being a SAHM working. Her working from home at least making what she makes now, and possibly having the flexibility to sort of create her on hours to be able to pick our oldest daughter up from school each day and having the rest of the afternoon off, seems like a better option.
 
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