Best way to "deal with" a potential sexual predator

[Chuckman]

wendle-lize him

 

[Macdaddy4738]

well since no one likes my call him out idea. then the better idea is to clone his phone and then have fun with sending her text messages that will get her to break it off

This really does NOT work if shes anything like what I've encountered.. If shes interested, no matter what you send, no matter how crude and disgusting, she will keep coming back. No matter if you dont respond for weeks, the texts keep coming.

I've been dealing with this for like a month and a half now, and she still keeps texting me.

25 to 16 is a stretch, honestly, not much you can do though.

 

[XJfreakHO]

Ok, I've watched this situation a hundred times, lol, I know quite a few girls who either are pregnant or have kids.

Girls lie, a lot. I know a girl who says she is going to work so she can come party.

The only play here, from a 22 year olds perspective, is to make it so abundantly clear to the guy that this needs to stop, that he avoids her like the plague. When I was like 19 I had a dad meet me in a parking lot with a baseball bat and I never talked to that 15 year old girl again.

 

[ManglerYJ]

Ok, I've watched this situation a hundred times, lol, I know quite a few girls who either are pregnant or have kids.
Girls lie, a lot. I know a girl who says she is going to work so she can come party.
The only play here, from a 22 year olds perspective, is to make it so abundantly clear to the guy that this needs to stop, that he avoids her like the plague. When I was like 19 I had a dad meet me in a parking lot with a baseball bat and I never talked to that 15 year old girl again.

I hope it doesn't have to come to that. My wife is going to talk to him today. Perhaps a face-to-face meeting will make it "real" to him.

 

[R Q]

Stalk HIM! Evidently you have his phone and Facebook info. If he can text her all the time then why can't you and the wife send him repeated texts and messages until it's not worth the bother?
Put his info out here, we will all send him some love too! lol

 

[Jody Treadway]

Mangler- I've known you a long time. From way back in the CRSU days in Charlotte. That being said, don't take this wrong since it's not directed at you. But in general...

But whatever happened to "manning up" and walking up to this guy, telling him who you are, what you expect and why he better heed what you say? No threats, just the 2 of ya'll, and a very clear explanation of how you feel. If I remember you correctly, you could easily convince someone that you're serious.

The best way to end this is for him to end it with her. She'll be heartbroken, hurt, etc. But at least she won't be knocked up at 16.

 

[Lizooki]

As the dad of of 2 daughters ( 15 & 19 .... no pics ya pervs!) I approve of the "calling out".
Do what it takes for him to decide he needs to walk away while he can.


Matt

 

[rockman]

Having been there in some manner as i have three older daughters, i woudl talk to im man to man; talk to her about your concerns; get her on birth control; set some limits and hold them even if she threatens to move out; talk to her employer about your concern for her safety as she is young and naive (really she is); and then if it continues, talk to your local PD.

 

[ManglerYJ]

Mangler- I've known you a long time. From way back in the CRSU days in Charlotte. That being said, don't take this wrong since it's not directed at you. But in general...
But whatever happened to "manning up" and walking up to this guy, telling him who you are, what you expect and why he better heed what you say? No threats, just the 2 of ya'll, and a very clear explanation of how you feel. If I remember you correctly, you could easily convince someone that you're serious.
The best way to end this is for him to end it with her. She'll be heartbroken, hurt, etc. But at least she won't be knocked up at 16.

I will see how today plays out. That is the next step for sure. I'm trying to avoid any potential legal issues as best I can. Me threatening him (or something perceived as threatening) could potentially backfire since, all I have is the "appearance" of wrongdoing on his part.

A lot has happened since my days in Charlotte. I'm married now with three kids in addition to the two older step-daughters. I wouldn't look nearly as menacing to this dude rolling up in my mini-van with three car seats in it - baseball bat in hand or not.

He will be contacted via the in-house e-mail system at my wife's work. It will be clear in the e-mail that he is to have no further contact with her either directly to her cell or her sister's cell. He is to also un-friend her from Facebook. We will give him a timeline to comply, after which point the issue will be dropped if he does. We will continue to monitor both cell phones for his number until she turns 18. Any further contact will result in escalating the issue to his boss.

I think he will realize the ramifications of non-compliance, and if he doesn't he may lose his job. Even a pretty girl isn't worth losing your job over. Up to this point, for him this may still be "fantasy".

Ordinarily, this would be a job for the biological father, but her dad would probably take him out for beers and toast him that he's getting some 16 year old tail. He's a real piece of work. His relationships are part of the reason that the girls have no real sense of right and wrong in dating and telling the truth.

 

[Reid]

lol, have someone tell him shes got an STD.

 

[13bullets]

I hope it doesn't have to come to that. My wife is going to talk to him today. Perhaps a face-to-face meeting will make it "real" to him.

Your wife!? Dude...

Stalk HIM! Evidently you have his phone and Facebook info. If he can text her all the time then why can't you and the wife send him repeated texts and messages until it's not worth the bother?
Put his info out here, we will all send him some love too! lol

I'd love to see some 25 year old mans facebook page full of "stay away from our 16 year old daughter" posts.

He will be contacted via the in-house e-mail system at my wife's work. It will be clear in the e-mail that he is to have no further contact with her either directly to her cell or her sister's cell. He is to also un-friend her from Facebook. We will give him a timeline to comply, after which point the issue will be dropped if he does. We will continue to monitor both cell phones for his number until she turns 18. Any further contact will result in escalating the issue to his boss.
I think he will realize the ramifications of non-compliance, and if he doesn't he may lose his job. Even a pretty girl isn't worth losing your job over. Up to this point, for him this may still be "fantasy".

The issue isn't work related or job performance related. Why would his boss care? Being friends with (or running game on, whichever his intentions are) a coworkers daughter probably isn't in their employee handbook as being a terminable offense, or an offense at all. Is there something that makes you think otherwise?

 

[Bullardbs]

Your wife!? Dude...
I'd love to see some 25 year old mans facebook page full of "stay away from our 16 year old daughter" posts.
The issue isn't work related or job performance related. Why would his boss care? Being friends with (or running game on, whichever his intentions are) a coworkers daughter probably isn't in their employee handbook as being a terminable offense, or an offense at all. Is there something that makes you think otherwise?

If i read it right she works there also with him so its a little different then dating a coworkers daughter

 

[Ron]

Comitting Statuatory Rape is most certainyl a fireable offense at most any place of employment.

While I am not a LEO, an atoorney, or a judge I believe the age of consent stated above may not be 100% accurate. I think once he turns 21 there is a different set of rules.

Best way to handle?
Take him fishing.

 

[Cherokeekid88]

Why don't you try talking to her as a friend and not her step dad? My thing is...If I can instill my some knowledge into her about what could possibly happen...she might realize it. It goes alot further than pissing her off by threatning him and telling her that she can't see him anymore...like others have said...it is just gonna make her want to disobey you even more.
Me being a 23 year old male...I know what all I think about it that is what scares me to have a daughter...but I will try to raise them the best way I can if I do, and whatever choices they make along the way...You hope that they learn from them and use it as a learning tool.

 

[Papa_Jon]

As a father of 4 girls.. I have dealt with this allot, Best way: Talk to guy face to face ( no phone tough guy) Tell him your plan is to call his boss and LEO if you hear of him talking to your girl. Not so best way: ( The way I use ) Find guy don't say anything walk up drop his chester azz, Then tell him who you are and next time it be worst....

 

[UTfball68]

Take her phone and the computer, shes 16 and still a kid not an adult.

Agreed 100%

treating her like a kid is gonna make her want to prove shes an adult.
you'll end up with grandkids.

Reid...you know I don't disagree with you often, but most of the replies in this thread absolutely shock me. Screw playing the nicey nice game...I believe that's exactly what causes most of the older generations to complain about the younger generations...you're not their friend, you're a parent, you're in control, not them. Like I said previously, in my parents house...that cell phone woulda hit a wall, that computer would have gone out the window, my ass would be bruised and one of or both my parents would have had me on lock down and only let out of the house for school, in which, my parents have sat with me in class, in high school. My parents would have turned my life upside down. If I wanted to be such an adult, by all means, they woulda let me, but not under their roof or with their money. In order to get respect, you have to give respect. If you make dumbass choices, the trust factor minimizes. My folks always said they trusted teenagers as far as they could throw them...that doesn't mean I didn't have a good life, but if I headed a direction I shouldn't the reigns were tightened.

 

[13bullets]

Comitting Statuatory Rape is most certainyl a fireable offense at most any place of employment.

Just a reminder, that hasn't definitively happened and as of yet, there is no "precrime" persecution.

If you were an employer, would you fire a guy for texting and facebooking with an underage coworker's daughter that was volunteering at your place of business?

 

[ManglerYJ]

Unfortunately for us (the next generation of parents), the judicial system has changed and it allows the "victims" of what we all call good parenting (i.e. punishing by means of bruising said ass, locking the child in their rooms, breaking items in front of them like phones, computers, etc) can now seek protection from the court system via the SRO officer or guidance counselor at school. As was mentioned, girls (these two in particular) are excellent liars. They can string a tale of woe that could earn an Acadamy Award.

I once had an issue with the older one that came in late one night talking very loudly on her phone. She became beliggerant (sp?) with my wife who at that point was 7 months pregnant and had already had a miscarriage before due to stress. I intervened (the first and last time that I had to physically restrain her) and escorted her out of the house. She called her father to come get her and he took her to the Sherriffs office where a warrant was placed out for me. I was arrested, fingerprinted and processed. Based on my story and my lack of any criminal record, I was released with the promise to not have any contact with her. She had moved out to live at her dad's, so it wasn't a big deal to not have contact with her. I then had to go to court and was told that I better have an attorney. $600 later, I have an attorney on retainer.

Three days prior to the court date, her dad's new wife has a tiff with her and throws her out (they were living in her trailer - I can't make this stuff up), so now she's back asking to live here again. I had since remodeled her room and given it to the little girls to have instead of them living in the nursery. THe oldest came back to having to live in an 8'x8' closet still under construction.

The morning of court, her dad picked her up to bring her there. She was called to the other room by the victim's rights attorney where she racanted her story of being hit and thrown down the stairs (we live in a one story ranch with one step to get in the house), so the case was dropped, but not my attorney bill.

Needless to say, I've seen the worst scenes play out in my head when dealing with this crap. It's a no-win scenario, just trying to get through another year and a half when I can finally be done with their dad. The next three are all mine, so while I'll still have the issues of growing up, and dating, and all that - at least I won't have to work against someone who is just there to mess with their heads and pull rank.

WOW! I feel better now.

 

[13bullets]

So my 16 year old step-daughter volunteered at a medical establishment over the summer and was placed working with a 25 year old guy who she became (as it turns out) quite chummy with.

He will be contacted via the in-house e-mail system at my wife's work.

If i read it right she works there also with him so its a little different then dating a coworkers daughter

Yeah, the OP has been somewhat vague. In post 1 he makes no mention of his daughter volunteering at his wife's work. Still, whether it is the mothers workplace or not is irrelevant. The guy isn't going to get fired for texting and being facebook friends with a minor.

 

[ManglerYJ]

Yeah, the OP has been somewhat vague. In post 1 he makes no mention of his daughter volunteering at his wife's work. Still, whether it is the mothers workplace or not is irrelevant. The guy isn't going to get fired for texting and being facebook friends with a minor.

You are right. He can't be fired for it. If he's half as good of a liar as the girls are, without the actual texts/Facebook chatter, he could chalk it up to him "mentoring" her in the field she wants to go into and then all the sudden we are the a$$holes for being overprotective, etc.

And I've been vague for a reason. I live in a small town. My wife works at a large medical facility. The internet is a big place and I don't want to take a risk of saying something that gets the wrong person in trouble (i.e. me!) The very reason the title of the post says "Potential Predator" is just that. I have no proof, just a gut feeling and some intercepted texts.

I've hoped more times than I can count to be wrong about stuff. In life, I get stuff wrong a LOT. Unfortunately, when it comes to dealing with these two, my gut feelings are usually right. When she was approached by my wife telling her to stop contacting him, it was too easy for her to walk away. Checking her text messages the next morning confirmed that she hadn't. THen, the following night, after having her phone taken from her, we find that she was using the older sisters.

Now, I can take her phone from her, and I can pull the internet cord out of the wall, and I can even hide the house phones, but I can't control it if her friend lends her a phone at school to talk to him. I can't live my life always worrying about how she's going to sneak around me to get what she wants. I control what I can control and bide my time until the next disaster strikes.

 

[C.Berry]

Honestly until something happens around this area police wont do anything about it, if it were me id simply show up at his house/work/hangout and put the fear of god into him and leave it at that most predators are like animals if they are going to be injured by something when trying to get something they will usually leave it and try somewhere else!!!! 12gauge is a great way to show someone your not liking the situation!

 

[stockcar]

I am not a Dad so I may not respond correctly . He is the Step-Dad , I feel most 16 year olds would let him know that by saying " you are not my real Dad you can not tell me what to do " . He would want to keep a good relationship with his Step- daughter so I would let the mother do most of the talking and if the mother asks for help then step in to support her . I would invite the guy over the house and let the four of them discuss the pros and cons of their situation . And hope the girl honors her mother's wishes . If not , then call the PD and maybe an officer can scare the guy away a firm talk .

 

[ManglerYJ]

" you are not my real Dad you can not tell me what to do " .

If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that....

I honestly don't care if they like me or not - I'm just the guy that (used to) put food on the table (now I cook the food on the table!). I try to stay out of most of it. I get involved when I need to protect. Sometimes, it's protecting us from them, sometimes it's protecting them from themselves, rarely it's protecting them from others.

 

[Papa_Jon]

Do not Talk to your daughter about it.... all that will do is force her to do what she thinks is right, At 16 she is not in control of her emotion or her body, Mother nature is
handle it behind the scenes then after everything is settle and she has moved on to her next life changing F' up. No one will think about it again, But you got to get the guy to leave her alone.. You WILL NEVER get her to leave him alone..

 

[Blaze]

My dad had a same problem with a guy like that and my sister, although it was a long time ago and before Facebook and cell phones. Calling the house, leaving letters for her, etc.

He came to the house once, my dad smashed his head on the front door and then literally threw him off the porch into the yard. Guy never came back.

It was pretty awesome, I remember telling him "nice distance" when I saw how far he threw the guy.