Best way to "deal with" a potential sexual predator

ManglerYJ

ManglerYJ

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 20, 2005
Location
Lexington, NC
So my 16 year old step-daughter volunteered at a medical establishment over the summer and was placed working with a 25 year old guy who she became (as it turns out) quite chummy with. They are now friends on Facebook and they (up until the other night when my wife confronted her about it) were texting quite often.

My wife sent him several texts after the fact on her phone informing him that she is in fact 16 and that we do NOT approve of this. She then asked quite poiltely that he refrain from any further contact. She happens to work at the same medical facility and could easily approach him at work, but we were hoping that this would end easily and peacefully. It has not. He is still texting her (now via her older sister's phone) and still talking on Facebook.

Since eBay doesn't sell chastity belts, does onyone have any legal advice for me? Obviously dealing with the step-daughter is one thing, but dealing with a creep that won't take the subtle approach is something I've never dealt with. As far as we can tell from conversations that we have intercepted, nothing physical has happened YET. That's an avenue I really don't want to go down.
 
first thing would be to get step daughter in check, after that see how interested the dude is.
 
Texting and facebook friends = sexual predator. Does not compute.

That's not to say I'd be thrilled with my daughter or her male friend in the same situation. There isn't much you can do with him, handle things with your daughter.

She's 16, just remember that the more you tell her who not to hang around, the more she is going to gravitate towards them.
 
A side note is that we don't want to send her over the other edge where she does something really stupid out of pure spite. I don't mind her hating me one bit, I just don't want her to make mistakes that will be life-changing.
 
Oh and...pics of daughter?





(kidding bro, don't call the popo on me too)
 
You know what my parents would have done...taken the phone and unplugged the computer, and whooped my ass for not listening. And only let me do things under their supervision (even attend school with me, true story...happened because I was skipping class). Don't bluff, follow through. I really don't see this guy as predator either. Have you read said texts or facebook messages to see what they say? Is it possible that they are just friends? Maybe your daughter is networking???
 
Do you pay her phone bill? depending on your carrier, you can have numbers blocked from her (and apparently her sisters) phone. That would atleast end the texting.

given the fact that they have resorted to texting through the older sister's phone....they sound pretty persistent. They also sound like they have the approval from the older sister.

like 336wheeler said, careful not to push to hard on this one. Girls at that age will things just to prove they can, that their parents arent in control of them. Let her know this decision dissapoints you, and that it has let you down. Anger and controlling/restrictive punishments are not the way to go on this issue.
 
also...every monday, mail the dude the results from your weekly target range practice. Be sure to provide a variety of calibers for him to think about.
 
Go have lunch with wife at her work and then stop by and say hi to the guy.. make sure others are around and just say out loud for all to hear: are you (fill in the blank) I did not know they let sexual predators just walk around here with out being escorted..

then state her name and ask him to stop contacting your UNDERAGE daughter..

:)
 
13bullets said:
Oh and...pics of daughter?





(kidding bro, don't call the popo on me too)
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Let's just say, she attracts attention. In this case, it's unwanted attention, though.

Honestly, I don't really care about guys checking her out, and paying her attention. She is a pretty girl and should be appreciated as such. This guy is just in a completely different stage of life. He is a college grad, has pictures on his Facebook of parties and trips to Cozumel, etc. He also has LOTS of friends who also happen to be High School girls.
 
BRUISER said:
Go have lunch with wife at her work and then stop by and say hi to the guy.. make sure others are around and just say out loud for all to hear: are you (fill in the blank) I did not know they let sexual predators just walk around here with out being escorted..

then state her name and ask him to stop contacting your UNDERAGE daughter..

:)
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BE VERY VERY careful with this. getting your ass sued into oblivion for slander. (If anything is written via email etc could be libel as well)
I hate saying this, since I have a 5 yr old little girl running around, and know i'll be in the same place you are in 11 years.
BUT in NC the age of consent is 16. Va for 16/17 there was a 5 yr or less difference. NC it's the 5 yr difference for 13/14/15. ( http://www.ageofconsent.com/northcarolina.htm )
The only way it will stop will be when your kids want it to stop.
How you can get a 16 yr old girl to stop, is beyond me. But I just wanted to warn about the slander side if you do the public calling out.


Edit: God I hated writing that, and really wanted to say go talk to him and kick his ass if he continues. But legalities and dealing with a deadbeat bio dad here has made me hate the legal system. So often they go after the wrong person.
 
I agree w/ the others - coming down hard and fast isn't the way here. She'll just fight you and make it worse
E.g., rather than "Stop all contact right now", IMO you're better off letting him say goodbye and break it off more slowly etc. And yes, the key is the girl, not him. You've got to get her to drop him.
And unless there's more to these texts/messeges than you're letting on, this isn't really "predator", all I see is an age differece between friends. It could very well be that she just wants to feel like she's hanging out w/ older people, very common for teenage girls (want to not be a kid anymore etc)
 
The fastest way to end this? Let her go on a date with him. He'll hit it and quit it, or the morals you've instilled in her through parenting will stand strong and she'll deny him.

Either way, it's over.

God I'm glad I have 2 sons.
 
13bullets said:
The fastest way to end this? Let her go on a date with him. He'll hit it and quit it, or the morals you've instilled in her through parenting will stand strong and she'll deny him.

Either way, it's over.

God I'm glad I have 2 sons.
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Based on this logic, I'm glad you have 2 sons, lol. ( I meant on the hit it and quit it part)

Seriously though, just like said earlier, don't come down too hard. But I'd def keep tabs on both.
 
if it were me, and i will say honestly, i don't always handle things of this nature with the calmest nature.
i would pay him a visit (not at his job) and have a discussion with him. i would inform him of my displeasure of the situation and it would be in his best interest to leave the situation alone.


i once found my best friends sister was being cheated on by her boyfriend(while she was pregnant). i followed him to the bar one night and waited for him to leave, somehow he fell when he walked out the door and ended up with a broken jaw and orbital socket, amazing how hard karma hits.
 
This EXACT thing happened to an ex-coworker of mine, long story short he's now a grandfather. If it were me I'd be slipping the pill into her dinner, he thought he had the situation under control after confronting the fella, guess not. Besides unless your going to follow her around all day long every day, it's impossible to stop her. Sorry I don't mean to spook you. Besides a guy his age should have no interest in talking to a girl her age. Good luck with it.
 
well since no one likes my call him out idea. then the better idea is to clone his phone and then have fun with sending her text messages that will get her to break it off :)
 
criket said:
Based on this logic, I'm glad you have 2 sons, lol. ( I meant on the hit it and quit it part)
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Not that I'm advocating that mindset, but he's 25 and she's 16. I'd bet a dollar to a doughnut that it wouldn't be any other way.

:beer:
 
10 years from now, a 9 year differential in age won't be nearly the big deal it is for me now. I just keep thinking that when he was 18, she was 9. That's just wrong in any playbook.

One of the things that plays against us is the fact that her older sister claimed emphatically that she was 18 and a virgin only to find out the opposite when she announced that she was pregnant with my grandson. I wish we had "mettled" a little more in her life because the baby daddy is a worthless abusive SOB that the only thing keeping him on the planet is the fact that it's against the law to dispatch him. As tragic as it was, the baby's death was the best thing for him.

Sorry to air a lot of dirty laundry, but this is a whole lot cheaper than therapy.
 
your concern is understandable now. your not just jumping the gun...your being proactive after seeing this unfold already.

With the sister probably being a role model for the youinger sister, i fully understand why y ou are concerned.
 
ManglerYJ said:
10 years from now, a 9 year differential in age won't be nearly the big deal it is for me now. I just keep thinking that when he was 18, she was 9. That's just wrong in any playbook.
Click to expand...

The magic rule plays again.
1/2 your age + 7.....
 
Well I have a different side. I was 22 and my gf had just turned 16. I know I kinda felt weird about it. Her dad never said a thing about us dating although at times he should have. As it turned out now 12 yrs later my inlaws have two handsom little grandsons and their daughter lives a comfortable life. Moral is that every situation doesn't turn out bad.

On the other hand I'm glad I have boys cause if I was my father inlaw ten years ago I'd probably had killed me. haha.

All I can say is if they're in a relationship try to accept it and include him in the family. If he feels he's part of the family he is less likely to disrespect you and her.

Atleast he's headed in the right direction being a college grad and all.
 
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