Advice with newborn in childcare.

Cherokeekid88

Cherokeekid88

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jun 30, 2007
Location
High Point, NC
So my wife and I's first baby is due May 26th, 2018, but we are already starting to plan ahead and think about when her Maternity leave is up and she has to go back to work. We thought about trying to get either of our parents to help out for the first couple of months -1st year. But after thinking about it, we have decided that daycare would be better for us and them and potentially for the baby. When we first learned at the price of daycare, we were shocked, but as it settled a bit, we realized how important it is to find a place that we feel comfortable with and that our child is going to feel safe in and learn. As of right now, our plan would be to start our child at 8 - 10 weeks.
Can anyone offer any advice when looking for a daycare? We have on that is right up the street from us (maybe 3 minutes) and would be perfect for dropping off and picking up, but is on the expensive side but offers Diapers, wipes, formula, etc.
Is there anything that I need to look out for? And programs that maybe can help us? Just looking for some ideas and advice to ease our minds a bit.
 
The only advise I can give you is to study up and decide pretty quickly cause the good ones usually have a waiting list,the one my son went has a 14 month waiting list.Dont make a hasty decision but don't drag your feet cause you need to get on the list (if there is a list) as soon as possible.And expect your child and usually at least one of the parents to get every bug/virus that comes along.
 
I can only give you the advice that we followed.

I think if there is anyway to avoid it, I would.
When my son was born we physically couldnt have fed ourselves without both working. My Grandmother, then 70 but in great health, asked to keep him instead of us putting him in daycare. Over the course of 6 months we did a shuffle and my wife worked an evening job and we arranged our schedule where one of us was with him at all times. There is still this unmistakeable bond between my son and his great grandmother. At 16 he lights up when he hears her name. Etc.Its weird but there.

When my daughter came a few years later we further tightened the strings and moved into a smaller house, sold a car and turned off cable and cell phones to be able to budget for the wife to stay home full time.

I wouldnt change our decision for anything.

Everyone has their own choices, and I'm not suggesting anyone who opts for daycare is bad, wrong or inferior in any way. But to me raising our children has been the greatest joy and the biggest responsibility of my life. I view it as my reason for being here, quite honestly. If I couldnt have sacrificed a few years for that responsibility then what would be worth sacrificing for.

There is some solid research out on societal detachment issues and the relation to early primary care providers (daycare workers) being absent a person's life as they age.

Final point. If you have family willing and capable to help. And if you judge that family to be competent and that it wont induce drama for them to keep the kid (we all have family. Some of them create drama even when helping - that isnt help) have a sit down with them. Tell them how much you would value their help. Show them what it would cost you to pay a daycare. And pay them the same or similar. Make them take the money. It discourages resentment and is fair.

This is the way Id rank the options
1 - A parent stays home
2 - A family member keeps them until 3 or 4
3 - Hire an in house care provider (nanny)
4 - Daycare

I wish you luck on the journey. Ultimately if you take the "normal" route and just pick a daycare it wont make you a bad parent, and I am not insinuating as such. However if you can make it work it will create a better bond between you and the child and make the road easier for you. I am a huge believer that kids need consistency to grow, develop, learn and process. Consistency will never exist in a daycare environment. Workers come and go. Fellow class mates come and go. Etc.
 
1-tonmudder said:
The only advise I can give you is to study up and decide pretty quickly cause the good ones usually have a waiting list,the one my son went has a 14 month waiting list.Dont make a hasty decision but don't drag your feet cause you need to get on the list (if there is a list) as soon as possible.And expect your child and usually at least one of the parents to get every bug/virus that comes along.
Click to expand...
^^ nailed it. Your peace of mind and comfort are worth $$ in this arena.
Also, re: cost keep in mind your employer (don't you work for a bank?) probably has a dependent care savings account you can use to set aside $$ tax-free to then spend on the daycare. E.g. childcare (fro ma formal place) is tax-exempt. (at least for the moment - current US bill under debate removes that...)

The other route worth consideration is a nanny/at-home daycare situation. This can work out really well, and often is cheaper, but is even harder to find just the right person.
 
Ron said:
I can only give you the advice that we followed.

I think if there is anyway to avoid it, I would.
When my son was born we physically couldnt have fed ourselves without both working. My Grandmother, then 70 but in great health, asked to keep him instead of us putting him in daycare. Over the course of 6 months we did a shuffle and my wife worked an evening job and we arranged our schedule where one of us was with him at all times. There is still this unmistakeable bond between my son and his great grandmother. At 16 he lights up when he hears her name. Etc.Its weird but there.

When my daughter came a few years later we further tightened the strings and moved into a smaller house, sold a car and turned off cable and cell phones to be able to budget for the wife to stay home full time.

I wouldnt change our decision for anything.

Everyone has their own choices, and I'm not suggesting anyone who opts for daycare is bad, wrong or inferior in any way. But to me raising our children has been the greatest joy and the biggest responsibility of my life. I view it as my reason for being here, quite honestly. If I couldnt have sacrificed a few years for that responsibility then what would be worth sacrificing for.

There is some solid research out on societal detachment issues and the relation to early primary care providers (daycare workers) being absent a person's life as they age.

Final point. If you have family willing and capable to help. And if you judge that family to be competent and that it wont induce drama for them to keep the kid (we all have family. Some of them create drama even when helping - that isnt help) have a sit down with them. Tell them how much you would value their help. Show them what it would cost you to pay a daycare. And pay them the same or similar. Make them take the money. It discourages resentment and is fair.

This is the way Id rank the options
1 - A parent stays home
2 - A family member keeps them until 3 or 4
3 - Hire an in house care provider (nanny)
4 - Daycare

I wish you luck on the journey. Ultimately if you take the "normal" route and just pick a daycare it wont make you a bad parent, and I am not insinuating as such. However if you can make it work it will create a better bond between you and the child and make the road easier for you. I am a huge believer that kids need consistency to grow, develop, learn and process. Consistency will never exist in a daycare environment. Workers come and go. Fellow class mates come and go. Etc.
Click to expand...
A note on this, and what I'd list as Option 1A - consider one of you working 1/2-time, splitting the daycare time.
We did this when we moved up here to MD and continued up through both kids being in school. My wife works until ~12:30. Both kids did this where they were in daycare up through lunch, then she took over. IMO this has been the best of all worlds. They got the social skills and increased immune system (yes, that's a thing) from being in daycare but still plenty of time with Mom for the bonding attachment.
Now they are both in school, it works out great b/c she gets a few hours to run errands and do odd tutoring jobs, then picks them up after school.
 
This is one of those topics that seriously depends on your situation and belief. My wife and I believed there was a much greater benefit to one on one child care until 3-4 years old. I wanted my wife to stay at home, she didn't want to give up her career quite yet (although 7 months later, she's looking for any and all excuses to stay at home with the kid). We also moved home from the beach so our children could and would have strong bond with family. So my compromise was grandmothers watch our daughter. It's worked out well, they alternate days...we pay them $30/day (most day cares we entertained were in the $40-50/day range)...unless I issue a 1099, I won't get any tax benefits for child care, but I'm ok with that. Kid #2 the wife says she's definitely staying home, whether that means she'll work remotely for her current job, or quit altogether, who knows at this point. All that said, I'd turn it into a math equation...is your wife working to pay for day care and supplies...what's it look like for her to stay home and not pay gas money to work and day care fees, etc etc.
 
We are a mix of all of the above. Our little girl goes to daycare at our church 2 days a week and my in laws watch her 2 days. I work from home and my wife does on fridays so she stays with us then and we just work around it. My advice is do what works for you and your wife and what y’all are comfortable with. I like that our daughter is learning social skills and is interacting with other kids and adults already and that she is spending quality time with her grand parents.

As has been said...if you do decide daycare you better get on the list now. Even if you’re not sure about daycare....get on the list now.
 
Last edited:
We have two kids, 2.5 and 4. Both have been in daycare from 12 weeks old. It has been a great for us. Yea it's expensive but what do you do? I second getting on the waiting list and the getting sick thing. The sickness got better for us after a year old and they do pretty good now. Any choice will have benefits and a down side. We didn't have another good option so the decision was easy for us and we don't regret it.
 
The thing with our parents is my inlaws have cared for my BIL's kids and we saw how that unfolded. It was not good. My parents could maybe keep the baby sometimes, but there schedules are a bit off. So daycare is really are best option. There is no way that we could afford to have my wife stay at home and not work. We sort of have a financial plan in place to pay for daycare, so it wouldn't be as hard on us trying to save throughout each month to pay for it.

My wife has called a couple places and will call a couple more this Friday. She is off every Friday and we will only need daycare Mon-Thurs which is nice and one less day to worry about, so our child will at least have 3 solid days a week to stay with a parent.

And the place that we are interested in would be $720/mo. Sound about right?
 
Last edited:
I'm done paying for daycare but if I recall that seems about right. Now I pay almost $900 a month for my youngest (3) to attend an early learning center. In two years it will be like getting a raise when that bill goes away!

Best of luck finding a place. It was difficult for me to release my babies to someone else to care for.
 
I don't have kids, but I do have a fairly strong opinion on the subject. Take the following with a grain of salt.
I personally think day care is a bad idea, especially at a young age (birth to 4 ish).
IMO, children need to be surrounded by and cared for by people that love them as opposed to people who are paid to look after them. Can this create a financial hardship for parents? Sure it can. But the child's well being and developmental interests are the most important, not financial ones.
Of my circle of friends who have children, the ones who sacrificed in order for one parent to stay home with their children are glad they did. Obviously allowing a grandparent or close family member to "tag in" and assist give mom or dad a break from time to time.

Congrats on the little one and best wishes for you guys!
 
^^^I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum. Both my kids were in daycare at 12 weeks. I get having them with parents, grandparents, etc. But they miss out on a ton of socialisation with other kids. Yes, some stay at home mom's get into groups that meet a bunch to do that. I also feel that my child is going to learn a ton more in a center than we would ever teach them at home. They do arts and crafts every day, constantly reading, doing abc's, etc. I do have a few friends that stay at home with their kids. The ones I see frequently, the kids just act differently around other kids than the ones that have been around them more. Obviously, it depends on the center you go to. There are good and bad to them. We found a really good family of people at the Church daycare that our kids were raised in. I wouldn't change what we did for anything. So there is one vote that it can and will be ok. Also, my wife had no interest in staying home with our kids all day. That wasn't her thing.
 
We have one child who is about to turn 7. We never considered having one of us quit our job. My son went to daycare from 3 months old until he started Kindergarten. The first 1.5 yrs he got sick about every 3 months, and so did my wife and I. Those were some of the worst colds I have ever had in my life. My son loved daycare. I would go to pick him up, and many times he didn't want to leave! When he was little (2-4 yrs old?) I literally had to carry him out of the building screaming and crying. He just wanted to stay and play with his friends. Go visit 4-6 daycares close to your work and home, don't just call them. You will get a vibe and feel for the ones you like. My wife works 3-4 days a week depending on the week, so we paid for 4 days/wk, and he usually went for 4 days. I think we paid around $750-800/month.

My mother stayed home with my sister and I.
 
If you can in any way get by on one income , do so. The benefits payed are invaluable. My wife went back to work a month or so after having our daughter. She never complained to me about it, but I could tell mentally it was killing her not to be taking care of her child. She never factored in the "feeling" part when we were discussing child care. My In-laws, who have been married 40 plus years and are exactly what I would have wanted for child care kept my daughter during the day until we got off work. We spent an hour or so with her, went to bed, got up for work and repeated 5 days a week. After a year or so my wife got preggo again and at this point was becoming depressed. She stopped working and stayed home preggo and took care of my daughter. She was a different person. She recently went back to work after close to 7 years of not working. She got her masters in education while being at home and is now a high school teacher. She's usually home when the kids are home.
I ,however was raised by a nanny and my parents stayed more focused on $$$ than the big picture of raising good productive kids. I never felt very connected to my parents as I honestly didn't spend much time with them.
Do what you think is best, I was terrified when she quit working. I scaled our lifestyle way back and everything worked out just fine. Think big picture
This will be a Ford vs Chevy type discussion....
 
I'm glad you included that y'all's families is not the best option. That makes the discussion easier. You want the best daycare. Cameras in the rooms, a policy where you can drop by unannounced at ANY time, excellent reviews from real people, not just a website, and nice people that will be caring for your child. You would hope that the infant room would have a grandmother type person running it, and then very caring people in each room after. If all employees look like they are there because they need a job, move on. People who own and work at daycares must LOVE it!
I was blessed to have two of the most awesome places keep my son while he needed daycare and afterschool care. He has life long friends from his afterschool place and we are still friends with the owners. And even though the kids will bring home every cold and virus that's there, it will make them more immune down the road.
 
R Q said:
I'm glad you included that y'all's families is not the best option. That makes the discussion easier. You want the best daycare. Cameras in the rooms, a policy where you can drop by unannounced at ANY time, excellent reviews from real people, not just a website, and nice people that will be caring for your child. You would hope that the infant room would have a grandmother type person running it, and then very caring people in each room after. If all employees look like they are there because they need a job, move on. People who own and work at daycares must LOVE it!
I was blessed to have two of the most awesome places keep my son while he needed daycare and afterschool care. He has life long friends from his afterschool place and we are still friends with the owners. And even though the kids will bring home every cold and virus that's there, it will make them more immune down the road.
Click to expand...
You know, in the beginning, we figured our parents could alternate and make it a little easier on them and we would also pay them, but after thinking long and hard about it, We thought that we would rather them WANT to see their grandchild vs. feeling like they HAVE to take care of them to help us out.
I also feel like I want our child close to us. We are blessed enough to work only 2 miles from home (my wife and I work 2.5 miles apart) so finding a place that was close to where we work and live is very important and also make its a hell of a lot easier. Although, we are going to have to pay a premium for that and adjust our lifestyle a bit, which is fine.
There is one place that is one the way home and on the way to work for both of us that has a 5 star rating and have heard from many people that they love it, but its also the most expensive of the ones we have inquired about, but it just might be worth it to literally make 1 left turn on my way home from work to pick up our child.

I appreciate all the input, I would love to be able to save that money and not use daycare, but I also don't want to put any type of burden on either of our families and potentially things go sour like they did with my BIL.
 
shawn said:
Figure out how to stay home. When you run the numbers all the way through, you'll probably discover that it's cheaper that way.
Click to expand...
I have ran the numbers and it just doesn't work. Having my wife and child on my insurance through work would be a big issue. Neither one of us can really go without working and still be able to survive without cutting just about everything. Plus, my wife's job really takes care of her.
 
Here is something to think about. When they are in daycare, they will take a 1.5-2.5 hr nap after lunch every day (a lot more when they are babies). Your parents and your in-laws could take turns picking them up after nap time every day. That way they could each spend 2-3 hours of quality time with the child before you and your wife get off work.
 
drkelly said:
Here is something to think about. When they are in daycare, they will take a 1.5-2.5 hr nap after lunch every day (a lot more when they are babies). Your parents and your in-laws could take turns picking them up after nap time every day. That way they could each spend 2-3 hours of quality time with the child before you and your wife get off work.
Click to expand...
Not a bad idea!
 
We've done it both ways - never that young, but 9 months'ish we started with kid 1, pretty much until he was 3. Our work and life situation made it necessary. When kid 2 came along, we didn't want to do 2 daycare payments because that would be my wife working to pay for daycare and the grocery bill and that's it. So she resigned from a very decent gig and became a full time mom.

Now, having raised the 2nd (and now 3rd) through their infant and toddler phases, she feels a little guilty about not spending more of that time bonding with kid 1. We know it was the best we could do at the time and in our situation. Maybe be could have done it differently, I don't know. We'd do it again though if the situation required it.

I will say that kid 1 definitely got more structured learning through daycare and built social skills and that sort of stuff. So I will also say that if one of you stays home with the child, it's very important to be socially active. Get out and about. Whether that's in your neighborhood (if you live in the burbs like me and all the kids go running around together), in church, or whatever, you really should make an effort to get the kid around other kids. Take them to the park, the library, etc. Get their little immune systems and their social skills going early and often.
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
I have ran the numbers and it just doesn't work. Having my wife and child on my insurance through work would be a big issue. Neither one of us can really go without working and still be able to survive without cutting just about everything. Plus, my wife's job really takes care of her.
Click to expand...

Just make the weekends quality family time. That is what I do.
 
My wife and I were young and early into our careers when we had our son (25)

Neither of us were at a point that we could stay home and NOT qualify for welfare, but if we BOTH worked, we could to build our life. We started the daycare quest when she first found out she was pregnant a little after our first wedding anniversary. There was already a 24 month wait at the "good" places. After that we asked close friends and family. Mom was 4 years away from retirement, so we knew we only needed 4 yrs of child care. After exhausted searching I happened to be walking a school with the county maint facility manager, whom I'd worked with for YEARS, and told him my dilemma. He looked at me like I was a doofus and said "you KNOW my wife has kept kids for 30 years?!?!"

I said "well no Gerald, I had no idea"

It was then he told me all about her home care of no more than 5 kids. We met with her and immediately loved her and the environment. Once the boy was born, my wife spent 8 weeks at home, then he went to her every day until MY mother retired. Occasionally he would request to go back to Phyllis and Gerald's (by this time he had retired, and she had as well, but made special concessions to keep my son.

When my daughter came along, we actually took them both to Phyllis and Gerald 2 days a week to give my mom a break. They ended up being like my kids 3rd set of grandparents.
 
we dont have any kids yet, but my wife has always wanted to stay home with them as well as stay home and home school them. We dont like the way the public schools are run. I make enough for us to live comfortably and her not work now, so we plan to trim the fat and make it happen because that is what we feel is right. To us, its the parents job to raise their kids and not anyone else. But, each family is different.
 
If you must work, then you'll figure it out.


Consider a nanny/sitter instead of daycare. With 1 child it's likely more expensive but also much more flexible. Find someone trustworthy to use or use Care.com. We have actually found all of our nannies for our girls through Care.com and all have been wonderful. And the care is much more focused on our kids rather than in a group setting. They help with the kid's homework and light housework and even run errands and prep meals if need be. For our twins, the $ for the nanny is the same as daycare and we like it much better.

It's not for everyone but it sometimes makes sense and certainly worth considering.
 
Back
Top