Advice with newborn in childcare.

rockcity said:
If you must work, then you'll figure it out.


Consider a nanny/sitter instead of daycare. With 1 child it's likely more expensive but also much more flexible. Find someone trustworthy to use or use Care.com. We have actually found all of our nannies for our girls through Care.com and all have been wonderful. And the care is much more focused on our kids rather than in a group setting. They help with the kid's homework and light housework and even run errands and prep meals if need be. For our twins, the $ for the nanny is the same as daycare and we like it much better.

It's not for everyone but it sometimes makes sense and certainly worth considering.
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Also haven't thought of this.
So these people stay at your house to take care of your child?

I might be interested in this if we can find the right person.
 
They come to your house whenever you need and leave when needed. Basically they are your employee and they do what you need. You just work it out all ahead of time when searching and selecting a nanny.
 
Unfortunately this question is on par with "what is better: Toyota or Jeep" And just like you know whats (we are not in the garage), everyone has one and most stink.

With that I will give you my opinion: don't listen to any of us. Only you and your wife know your family and income situation and what will keep you sane and being a good parent.

I have two kids and one on the way. My oldest was in daycare for the first year: hated it. We moved to be closer to family and both of our mom's now help AND my wife went part time. We have sacrificed to let my wife work part time (and if she were full time I would be in a JK Rubicon too hahah!)

I have a friend whose wife was a full time school teacher. They ran the numbers and they were netting $200 a month with daycare and her working, so she is now a stay at home mom. Another friend has both kids in daycare and they both work full time. If you know there will be a strain on family relationships if they care for the child, then that is a big factor.
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
The thing with our parents is my inlaws have cared for my BIL's kids and we saw how that unfolded. It was not good. My parents could maybe keep the baby sometimes, but there schedules are a bit off. So daycare is really are best option. There is no way that we could afford to have my wife stay at home and not work. We sort of have a financial plan in place to pay for daycare, so it wouldn't be as hard on us trying to save throughout each month to pay for it.

My wife has called a couple places and will call a couple more this Friday. She is off every Friday and we will only need daycare Mon-Thurs which is nice and one less day to worry about, so our child will at least have 3 solid days a week to stay with a parent.

And the place that we are interested in would be $720/mo. Sound about right?
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I have been through this twice, our first one stayed with my inlaws most every day until he was almost 2. It was great in some ways and terrible in others. He loved it because my wifes brothers would take him to ride on the tractors (would most of the time nap seat belted into buddy seat.) He got to spend alot of time with several members of the family and also his older cousins. The bad was I believe it has made him a terrible eater. He is extremely picky and will not even try alot of things. My MIL kept my oldest nephew who is 16 and hes still this way. My MIL fell and had to have back surgery so it forced us to put him into daycare. The daycare is run by a family member of my sister in law. She has had the same employees for 10+ years and they have kept most of my nephews/nieces on that side of family. I couldn't ask for a better place for mine to go, its not the fanciest but we really feel like they care and love them almost as much as family would. My oldest has been WORLDS better since he started, his social skills and talking improved within 2-3 months and slowly getting better with eating. He started there in September of last year. My youngest was born in march of this year and has been at the same place since he was 12 weeks old. They will get sick though and there's nothing you can really do about it. It was explained to us that they will be sick during daycare and have a better immune system by kindergarten or will be sick all the time in kindergarten. My mother gets the oldest one out early once a week and most of the time will get little one also.
 
Having 2 small children and a wife that is a Pre-School teacher, we have a number of thoughts on this matter. As many have said, if you can swing it, stay at home as long as you can. Even if that means she takes 8-12wks and you take some time after that. In my opinion, for health reasons, it is best to keep them home until atleast 1 if not 2. Before 2 years old, most kids do not really play with one another. They interact some and play around each other. At 2 social integration is an important part of their development. To me it is also important to expose them to the outside enviroment. At some point your kids will need to build their immune system. Better for that to be a time when missing school doesnt matter.

One option, is to choose a half day center. My wife works at one, and has worked at full day centers in the past. Half day centers dont tend to have kids on vouchers, etc. If they can do that, and a family member picks them up in the afternoon, that would be a good compromise.

Biggest thing is visit a number of centers. DO NOT GO DURING NAP or QUIET TIME. If that is when they want to schedule a tour, walk away. You want to see the center when the kids are up and active. The center should smell and look like kids are there. It should be clean and orderly, but should not smell overly like cleaners or bleach. You want to see a place where the kids are obviously happy and having a good time, and the teachers look to enjoy their job. Also, ask for education requirements and experience levels of the teachers. If it is a Star Rated center, there are minimums to meet the "rating". I have more thoughts on it, but that should get you started. If you visit some and have questions, feel free to shout.
 
My mother watches my child whenever my wife or I can't. We both work shift work (24hrs for me, 12hrs for her) so it was really our only option outside of one of us quitting and staying home, which we couldn't afford. Mama used to be a teacher and retired right before my wife got pregnant so she teaches our girl a lot of stuff just like if she was in a day care, and we take her to various social activities to let her interact with other children. But @BigClay said it best, what works for some won't work for others, so take it all with a grain of salt. Only you and your wife can decide what's best for you and yours.

Duane
 
shawn said:
When you run the numbers all the way through, you'll probably discover that it's cheaper that way.
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Its been....14 years since I faced the decision.
At the time my wife quit a ~$36k/yr job and it was a break even at best for her to keep working.

$36k * .65 = she was netting $23k yr.
Then it was costing us $800 month or ...$9,600 yr.
That left $14k/yr or $1,175 month for us to find.
Sold a car ($550/mt payment) plus $100/mth insurance.
Didnt have to buy lunch. Didnt have to buy gas. Didnt need new work clothes every few weeks. and on and on.

In the end she would have been working for ~$150/month. Initially she offset some of that by keeping another child 1 or 2 afternoons a week but that soon fizzled.


I know it sounds like a sales pitch but Ive never once heard a parent say "I stayed home with my child, I really wish I had all that money I gave up.
 
Ron said:
I know it sounds like a sales pitch but Ive never once heard a parent say "I stayed home with my child, I really wish I had all that money I gave up.
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This



Rule 1 on NC4x4: NEVER tell @shawn he's right.

But....on this, he and Ron are both nail-on-head

I don't have enough ego nor pride to be so butthurt that I can't admit I would have done it different. But looking back, I would have sacrificed my career to be a stay-at-home-dad and wouldbt have regretted a second of lost career.
If either of you have ANY shot of staying home, I would do whatever it took.
 
CasterTroy said:
I don't have enough ego nor pride to be so butthurt that I can't admit I would have done it different. But looking back, I would have sacrificed my career to be a stay-at-home-dad and wouldbt have regretted a second of lost career.
If either of you have ANY shot of staying home, I would do whatever it took.
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I really contemplated being a stay at home dad (also because my wife has more earning potential than I do), but when I went soul searching I realized I would be a better dad to my kids by not being home all day every day.

So to the OP, again you have to decide what is best for you, me I wanted to be a stay at home dad, but knew it was not the best for me and my kids.
 
CasterTroy said:
But looking back, I would have sacrificed my career to be a stay-at-home-dad and wouldbt have regretted a second of lost career.
If either of you have ANY shot of staying home, I would do whatever it took
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It's pretty much universal.
 
CasterTroy said:
This



Rule 1 on NC4x4: NEVER tell @shawn he's right.

But....on this, he and Ron are both nail-on-head

I don't have enough ego nor pride to be so butthurt that I can't admit I would have done it different. But looking back, I would have sacrificed my career to be a stay-at-home-dad and wouldbt have regretted a second of lost career.
If either of you have ANY shot of staying home, I would do whatever it took.
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Agreed. I lost my job as a Territory Manager with Ecolab when my youngest was 1. At the time, I was on salary, but working anywhere between 50 and 60 hours a week and my wife was working PRN 5-10 hours a week as an Occupational Therapist as well. We had a 1 year old, a 2 year old and a 4 year old, so it was a LOT to deal with. We made the decision for her to go back to work full time (in her field 30 hours a week is full time) and I'd stay home with the kids. Financially, we were a little tight, but were able to manage by being diligent with our spending. Our budget became the most important thing to maintain our sanity. At first I was VERY resentful that I was not the "bread winner", because I have been working ever since I was 14. When I realized that she was seeing the kids twice as much as I was when I was working, and I was now seeing them way more than she was, it was a true win-win. Now, 7 years later, I am now working part time in the mornings when my kids are at school and still work some side jobs from home, building websites and making vinyl graphics.
 
I decided to quit working and be the stay at home dad three years ago with our first boy. Now with two boys(9mo and 3yr)and maybe another soon i’ll say it has not been easy. It is super frustrating to have absolutely no time to do anything!! But I would not change it for the world to be able to watch them grow up and learn. I still do a few odd jobs for family if they watch the kids so that is a nice break. We did put the older(3yr) boy in a church preschool two half days a week for a little structure and socialization. I was against it at first and so was he. But now he is excited to go and they are great with him. They do crafts and sing and dance and read books. It’s just enough to get a little free time with the little one.
I highly recommend one parent staying home while the kids are young. They grow up so fast that you would miss so much.
As a side note. I hadn’t held a baby for more than about ten minutes and had never changed a diaper before my own. Needless to say I had no idea what to do. It will come to you, be patient and enjoy it because it will fly by.
I am writing this from a chair in my boys room while waiting for him to fall asleep.
 
Jeep

Ford

Mama stays home with the kids.

It's been tight, and an adjustment to how we spend our money (we don't have any extra to spend anymore), but it's been worth it knowing that my children are being raised the way WE want them to be raised. We did start a mothers' morning out once they turned 13 months, one day a week. And my wife has met some other moms over the course of the year that they do play dates with at some local parks / playgrounds.
15 months in now and it's getting easier and easier... and still really hard.
 
seewhatyoudid.jpg
 
im gonna go with.... your an idiot your complaining about the cost of child care and how you will have to cut back, but yet are looking to throw money away on stuff that no one except you sees. 9 months comes fast, you need to start cutting back now and saving for unexpected cost. and then when the baby gets here it wont be such a shock to your lifestyle if you already cut back enough to cover all your expected cost.

@shawn was i close?
 
wow..... I was simply asking if anyone knew of anyone around here that does it. Didn't say I was doing it now. Just getting an idea for the future. I know what I need to do, we have already started cutting things that we don't need. Cut cable, paid off bills that were hanging over our head. Already started buying diapers and wipes and will continue to do so to get a nice stock pile going.
 
Don't buy too many newborn diapers. Our son grew out of them pretty quick and we wound up giving several packs away.

Regarding the original post, to each their own. Our son will be 1yr on Christmas Eve. We briefly talked about my wife staying home with him, I was more in favor of it than she was. If we had slimmed down our budget and would have settled for a smaller house we could have swung it on my income. She wanted that extra $$ cushion and enjoys her career. We were fortunate enough to get into a local churchs daycare that many of our friends kids are in. Everyone we know who's kids go there love it. It's relatively affordable at $147/wk. I know people around Greensboro who bay almost double that. At that rate the economics would have started swinging towards mom staying home. At this price point 3 kids is where we would reevaluate staying at home if we get to that point. He gets the usual daycare colds and such but it's not the end of the world and is building his immune system. My mom wanted to keep him full time now tgat she is retired but she stays too busy with my sick/elderly grandparents to be reliable.

Don't let people bully you into feeling bad about daycare. My son seems to love it and his teachers are great.
 
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