Got some bad news...(long post)

[fordwheelinman]

A little before 1:30 pm EST, I received a phone call that I missed. Approximately 2 pm EST I walked in the door to my wife telling me I needing to call my parents. I called my mothers cell phone, a friend of the family answered, and I was told that my paternal grandmother (my fathers mother) had passed. I can not say that I am completely devastated, it has been expected, we all did not expect it to be yet, but then again death never works on anyone's preferred time clock. I live about 3 hours from my parents, have visited very few times, and never quite found the time to visit everyone that I would have liked, including my grandmother. The last time I saw her, I was too busy working on my wife's explorer and getting ready to take the trip back home, to offer to drive her home. For the last few hours i have beat myself up over and over and over for always thinking "Well we can go see her next time". The number of times I thought that, I can not recall. Never did I imagine that next time would be in a funeral home. Here I sit now, 24 years young, choking back tears at the thought of how I had been too busy to go see my own grandmother, how terrible a person I am, how pathetic a grandson I was. How do you apologize for things that can not be undone? How do you make reparations to someone who has passed? The futility is without measure. The feelings of remorse, sorrow, pain, helplessness. This is an emotional state that can be likened to no other, that can be explained in only one way; to say that a very loved, very dear family member has died. All the summers spent with her, all the weekends, all the yard work, housework, memories........ Memories is all I have now. No more hugs, or kisses on the cheek. No more spur of the moment lunches, or 3 hour long talks from a 15 minute visit. I do apologize for spewing my senseless ramblings onto the board, but I figured here was the best place for me to get some things off my chest. If anyone makes it all the way through this without blowing it off I would like to ask a favor. That you raise up a prayer for me and my family. At least one thing is for sure, she is now with her husband, and I know that they are happy to be reunited. She has finally gone home. Rest in Peace Grandmom.

 

[Baker]

Sorry to hear about your loss man. My grandmother isn't doing very well and isn't expected to live much longer and the military won't give me anytime to go home and visit unless it's emergency leave. So pretty much I won't be able to get up north to see her until it's too late.

 

[Ron]

1st Prayers out to you and her.
2nd don't beat youself up, we all do it. We all struggle to have time for those who truly mean the most to us. You are not a bad person, you were not a bad grandson. Remember the good times, forget the bad.
Keep your chin up, time heals all.


::

 

[dairyman]

I only live 20 mins from my grandmother and was always "too busy" to go visit. It was about 2 years since I seen her when I got the news that she had dementia and had to move in with my cousin, when I went to see her she didn't recognize me.
she died 2 weeks later. I know what your going through and all I can say is hang in there and try not to beat yourself up. sorry for your loss

 

[snappy]

Keep your head up..... You will be reunited soon enough and have enturnity to spend together....

 

[Smokeater]

I just went through the same thing last month. I've lived 10 min from my Grandma for the last 12 years. I never took the time to go see her other than family gatherings. Well she passed last month and it was really hard on me dealing with this. Don't beat yourself up over it. You just have to realize she loved you no matter what. Think about the good times you had when you were with her, and the good times you will have with her as snappy said. It will get easier. Sorry for you and your familys loss.

 

[BERTIE RENEGADE]

Believe me it's not just you, we all feel that way sometimes when we lose a loved one. We all have regrets and sometimes wonder just what if I had......... Sometimes life just couldn't go on for us if we always knew it was the last time we would see our friends or family, we all have our own busy lives. Like mentioned above cherish your good memories and forever she will always be in your heart. Time will heal but we never forget.

 

[UncleWillie]

Sorry for your loss. In time you will see that you weren't being selfish you were just living life. As much as we would like to look back and say I was there every day all day up until the end, it just isn't possible. The grief you are feeling is love and loss. It is perfectly normal.

 

[Yay!Gurrr]

"How do you apologize for things that can not be undone? How do you make reparations to someone who has passed?"

Sounds like you have the words... No time is the wrong time to say them. Say them now or later, no matter.. Sounds like you have gained some wisdom that only comes with age and having dealt with such things. My .02 is don't hold it in. Go share your feelings with your dad. You've know her your gramma your whole life, I'm sure she is worth a few of your tears..

I always listened to my dad and made sure I visited with my grams. (both sides) I always had grilled cheese samich and coffee with my Gramma D (mom's mom). She was a great lady and when she passed last year I obviously felt sad and a loss as you do now. But I also think of her often when things happen and I can hear her words to this day. My last trip up was hard. I did go visit her where she is resting and we chatted a bit. Life is hard, and death is just as hard...

 

[sleepinc]

Sorry to here about your loss. Hey we all do the same thing to much junk going on in our lives, just hang in there. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

 

[Gmachine]

Sorry for you loss & prayers go out to you & your family.

The only thing I would add is to be sure to make a point to spend time with those you love. Life can get in the way of what's important sometimes. I loved what they said about John Ritter when he died: "Any time you hung out with John you always knew by the end of your visit how much he cared for you as if he were never to see you again"

 

[rodney eppes]

My best to you & your Family. You may not realize, how young you are, in life! This is just part of our lives, & it doesn't get any better, we just learn to accept it. Sorry Bro!

 

[BRUISER]

Sorry to hear about your grandma..

keep your head up , remember all the good times, and now go make new memories with all those that are still here with you ..

 

[Blaze]

Really sorry man, don't beat yourself up over it. My grandmother died when I was 13. The last time I saw her I wanted to visit my best friend and didn't spend as much time with her. She had cancer and we all knew it was coming. I was just too immature to realize it may be the last time I saw her. 19 years later and I still think about it, but I know she wouldn't want me to be upset over it. I'm sure your grandmother would rather see you happy than see you agonizing over something like this. Just be happy for all the times you had with her and don't let the times you missed eat you up.

 

[WCURoverd90]

I know exactly how you feel man. I had to go to Atlanta a few years ago for a meeting and was supposed to visit my grandfather in his rehab center after he had shoulder surgery. I got too busy and left Charlotte for Atlanta for the 3 day meeting. The second night I was there my sister called me and told me he had a heart attack eating supper that night and at that time they were trying to get his heart back in rhythm. She called me back a few minutes later and said he had died. My grandmother told me to stay at my meeting as there was nothing I could do at that point. He was cremated so I did not get a chance to see him again or anything. I told my grandmother how bad I felt that I decided to go ahead and go without seeing him as I had intended to see him when i got back. Its something that I think about all the time, even after 4 years. I do not beat myself up over it but try to make time for the family that is still with us.

Don't beat yourself up over it....If you are anything like me it will always be in the back of your mind but grandmother told me something that always comforts me when i think about it. She said "He knew how much you loved him and he also knew how busy your work keeps you and that you always spent as much time with us as possible."

Hardest part for me was when he was having his heart attack my mother was with him and he kept asking how I was doing etc etc.

 

[Mulishajoe]

Our prayers are with you and your family. I to know the pain your in every time i went up to visit i always wanted to spend more time with friends than family. I lost my grams and still to this day carry that little card they give out at the funeral. The one thing i rember is how she always said to be your self and dont let anyone change your mind. Be a leader and not a follower. No i think i should have led myself to be a better listener and spend more time with the ones who realy mattered but she would have told me no regrets live life in the now and remember the good times we have. Loss is hard but in the end it makes us better family and friends..