Inlaws going through separation.

Cherokeekid88 said:
Yeah I know... it is hard. I just wonder if we leave it up to the MIL to "figure it out and pull up her britches and do something" how will it turn out if the MIL's really only outlet (my wife) suddenly cuts her off. My wife told me the other night every time she hears sirens, her stomach drops because she thinks "what if?" (we don't live that far from her parents)
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My dude, with peace and love, take care of your own house. Your MIL well being aint your cross to bear.
 
Jody Treadway said:
My dude, with peace and love, take care of your own house. Your MIL well being aint your cross to bear.
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But it feels like it. We just had our daughters 6th birthday party Saturday and neither one of them showed up, but my wife took my daughter over there the next day so that my daughter could open the presents that WE BOUGHT and WRAPPED ourselves from her parents. I chose not to go because I was pissed that especially her Dad didn't show up. My wife asked her Dad why he didn't come to the party and he puts all the blame on her Mom, yet he can drive to meet his friends and go out to eat. It is such an F'd up situation and I hate it for my wife because she truly wants to help her Mom, but no one knows how to and she sure hasn't shown us that she even wants to help herself.
 
Jody Treadway said:
With peace and love Part 2, see your own quote above.
It ain't your place. Y'all both need to accept the fact their relationship is a poison to your own and move TF on from it.
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I am at that point. I am going to distance myself for a while and just keep supporting my wife and give her whatever advice I can muster and hope that she makes the difficult decision to cut this toxicity out of her life and start living hers. I wish I could post the texts between my wife and her Dad from this morning. It was basically her asking him why he didn't come to our daughters party on Saturday and ended with him sending pictures of a deadly car crash he saw Sunday afternoon driving around with something along the lines of him living in a tomb and that because my wife was going to come visit them on Sunday, he didn't feel like he needed to go to his granddaughter's birthday...
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
my wife took my daughter over there the next day so that my daughter could open the presents that WE BOUGHT and WRAPPED ourselves from her parents.
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Cherokeekid88 said:
just keep supporting my wife and give her whatever advice I can muster and hope that she makes the difficult decision
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In less delicate terms... Y'all are enabling this shit. If she didn't say hell to the no at this point, is intervention time. Either you don't want this in your life or you are ok with it. Lead your family and take care of your own. This isn't about her mommy and daddy any more, this is about your child. You have no right to expose her to their demons.
 
@Cherokeekid88 are you familiar with the parable of the frog and the scorpion?

This entire thread is essentially a bunch of folks saying - ‘that’s a scorpion my dear frog friend.’

And you are essentially repeatedly replying ‘but drowning is painful and unwanted’

No shit. Everyone knows that.
If you give the scorpion a ride you will drown. No matter how pretty the scorpion is, or what the scorpion did 20 years ago. The scorpion stings the frog, every time. Hard stop. It will sting, the frog will drown.

This isn’t conjecture nor is it fantasy. It’s fact of what is and will happen.

I’d take Cyds comment a half step further- ‘Do you love your daughter enough to protect her from this shit? Or do you care more about your wife and her parents feelings than your daughter.’

I say it’s time to nut up and be a good dad.

With peace and love as my mountain hippie friend likes to say.
 
trailhugger said:
In less delicate terms... Y'all are enabling this shit. If she didn't say hell to the no at this point, is intervention time. Either you don't want this in your life or you are ok with it. Lead your family and take care of your own. This isn't about her mommy and daddy any more, this is about your child. You have no right to expose her to their demons.
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Damn right Cyd!!!!! Exactly!
 
Ron said:
@Cherokeekid88 are you familiar with the parable of the frog and the scorpion?

This entire thread is essentially a bunch of folks saying - ‘that’s a scorpion my dear frog friend.’

And you are essentially repeatedly replying ‘but drowning is painful and unwanted’

No shit. Everyone knows that.
If you give the scorpion a ride you will drown. No matter how pretty the scorpion is, or what the scorpion did 20 years ago. The scorpion stings the frog, every time. Hard stop. It will sting, the frog will drown.

This isn’t conjecture nor is it fantasy. It’s fact of what is and will happen.

I’d take Cyds comment a half step further- ‘Do you love your daughter enough to protect her from this shit? Or do you care more about your wife and her parents feelings than your daughter.’

I say it’s time to nut up and be a good dad.

With peace and love as my mountain hippie friend likes to say.
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And to go this further, I have made choices to remove toxic people from my life. Close family. For yourself, it's a hard choice , when your kid is involved, hell no! Do it
 
OK, so new update: MIL is headed to a rehabilitation center as of today. Social worker has gotten involved. Gona work with her on PT and adjusting her meds. Found out she has a UTI which explains why she was being forgetful. Getting that cleared up and hopefully here, she will get the help she needs so that she can start living her life. My wife and SIL told her that this is her chance once again to get the help she needs and if she blows this, we are done.
 
So we get a phone call last night at 10:30 and its her mom at her new place where she is going to be getting her PT and everything straightened out and she tells my wife "I need you to come and get me right now!, I'm uncomfortable and I just need to leave, so I need you to go ahead and head this way and I'll be waiting by the door". Mind you, the last few days, she has sounding so weak and out of it, but last night she sounded like someone I haven't heard in years...alert, making sense, other than just being a little irate, so my wife asked to speak to the nurse and the nurse told us that she has been there for less than an hour and is already wanting to leave because she is uncomfortable, but her mom made it sound like something had happened that made her feel uncomfortable but would never tell us what it was. So me thinks she ran out of Xanax and again was having a withdrawal with induced a panic attack because she kept saying that she thought that my wife (when she went yesterday to sign some papers) had put something in her contract that she couldn't leave the facility and that freaked her out. The nurse just wanted her to stay at least 24 hours to meet all of the nurses and get a plan together for her PT. She went back to the phone with her mom and she told her that she would not be coming to get her and if you are making the decision to leave, call Dad and let him know. So sure enough, she did and he went and picked her up and is back at home now, So my wife is done. I think last night was the final straw for her. But I think this is the last I am going to post about this situation on here because its just becoming too much and I just want to keep my mind away from all this as much as I can. I really appreciate everyone's input on here. This is something that I have never experienced before but I've taken bits and pieces from everything everyone has said. At this point, I am putting my foot down and eliminating as much contact with them as possible and let them figure it out. I told her, she might need to start ignoring some calls and just creating some distance from them and their drama. Also, @Ron I've got that book on order.
 
My wife talked to her parents on Saturday and told them exactly how she felt and what they were doing to her and our family and she told them that she would help where she could but she was going to be taking a step back from it to focus on her family and the life she has built. She told them that the manipulating and mind games have to stop and she doesn't want to be apart of anything that has to deal with their shenanigans and she will no longer be taking her mom to her doctors appointment when her dad is fully capable of doing so. She told them how they were messing her up mentally and both of them surprised the hell out of me by saying... "We understand. you have done more for us that you will ever know and we appreciate it." So I think my wife feels good about it and now they understand that she is taking a step back to let them figure all this out.
 
So just to give an update on the situation for anyone who cares. Her mom went into a rehab facility for about 2 months, doing great, getting more mobile, taking care of herself, sounded like her old self, well then insurance would no longer pay and so she went back home right back into the same situation as before. We barely hear from them. Didn't hear anything from them on Christmas morning, no call to see what Santa brought their granddaughter, no calls to my wife's brother's kids to see what they got or just to talk, my daughter lost her first tooth on Friday and my wife sent her mom and dad a picture, still haven't responded. She broke down to me last night and just feels like she has lost her family. She has been keeping a good distance from them, but I think she is just bottling up her feelings and then they just come out. She is really struggling and I try to talk with her and listen and she has been doing a better job of it not getting to her, but there are just says where she can't hold it back.

And I wonder for all of you who have cut parents out of your lives for whatever reason, how do you deal with it? I am not in the same boat as my wife, so I know I don't fully understand what she is going through.
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
And I wonder for all of you who have cut parents out of your lives for whatever reason, how do you deal with it? I am not in the same boat as my wife, so I know I don't fully understand what she is going through.
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I realized they were just humans and that all humans aren't good.
I wouldn't keep an asshole as a friend because I'm related by blood with him/her.
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
So just to give an update on the situation for anyone who cares. Her mom went into a rehab facility for about 2 months, doing great, getting more mobile, taking care of herself, sounded like her old self, well then insurance would no longer pay and so she went back home right back into the same situation as before. We barely hear from them. Didn't hear anything from them on Christmas morning, no call to see what Santa brought their granddaughter, no calls to my wife's brother's kids to see what they got or just to talk, my daughter lost her first tooth on Friday and my wife sent her mom and dad a picture, still haven't responded. She broke down to me last night and just feels like she has lost her family. She has been keeping a good distance from them, but I think she is just bottling up her feelings and then they just come out. She is really struggling and I try to talk with her and listen and she has been doing a better job of it not getting to her, but there are just says where she can't hold it back.

And I wonder for all of you who have cut parents out of your lives for whatever reason, how do you deal with it? I am not in the same boat as my wife, so I know I don't fully understand what she is going through.
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With time it gets easier but it’s still never easy.

My mom lives in Florida. Came and saw her partners kid in Greensboro for Xmas. Didn’t tell me she was an hour away till I called her on Xmas. She didn’t tell my brother who was in town from Maryland either and who she has seen those grandkids a handful of times.

Just enjoy the family you have. Family isn’t blood. Family is who is there when you need them to be.
 
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Cherokeekid88 said:
And I wonder for all of you who have cut parents out of your lives for whatever reason, how do you deal with it? I am not in the same boat as my wife, so I know I don't fully understand what she is going through.
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It was hard the first few months. Then we realized the peace and lack of drama without them. It does make it a lot easier that dad was incredibly abusive both physically and mentally. In my case, it's been 4 years and my dad hasn't so much as texted me. But he sure will run his mouth and pitch a sob story to his church buddies. When mom realized she was missing birthdays and that we were serious about cutting contact, she changed her ways and started putting in effort. Now that she's gone, I wouldn't say I regret it, but I do really hate that it had to be that way.
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
So just to give an update on the situation for anyone who cares. Her mom went into a rehab facility for about 2 months, doing great, getting more mobile, taking care of herself, sounded like her old self, well then insurance would no longer pay and so she went back home right back into the same situation as before. We barely hear from them. Didn't hear anything from them on Christmas morning, no call to see what Santa brought their granddaughter, no calls to my wife's brother's kids to see what they got or just to talk, my daughter lost her first tooth on Friday and my wife sent her mom and dad a picture, still haven't responded. She broke down to me last night and just feels like she has lost her family. She has been keeping a good distance from them, but I think she is just bottling up her feelings and then they just come out. She is really struggling and I try to talk with her and listen and she has been doing a better job of it not getting to her, but there are just says where she can't hold it back.

And I wonder for all of you who have cut parents out of your lives for whatever reason, how do you deal with it? I am not in the same boat as my wife, so I know I don't fully understand what she is going through.
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Man I often consider some of my friends much more valuable than my blood.
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
And I wonder for all of you who have cut parents out of your lives for whatever reason, how do you deal with it?
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She already made the cut. You're just accepting it.
 
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