Raising a Child

UTfball68 said:
I, personally, find irony in that statement, because I want just enough to be able to buy an island where I can be isolated and independent. But damn, the price tag of being left alone is mighty high.
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It's alot cheaper to buy land in the middle of Alaska. But there is still a high cost to getting supplies brought in.
 
paradisePWoffrd said:
It's alot cheaper to buy land in the middle of Alaska. But there is still a high cost to getting supplies brought in.
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And cold as balls. Life is tough when you have to pee with 6” of clothes and 3” of wiener.
 
CasterTroy said:
Let them fail
Let them fall
Let them experience what the word "HOT" means....as painful as it is to watch them learn it..the earlier they learn what it means, the faster they progress.

I've got a 24yr old, a 22yr old and a soon to be 20yr old. The worry NEVER stops.

One HUGE thing I have learned that gave me a great advantage over others with kids my age; I was ALWAYS honest with them. Like BRUTALLY honest. Our middle child was not going to be fooled by "santa" any more after she was 6. She asked and wanted a straight answer. we gave it to her. And made her promise not to tell her older brother or younger sister.

My son asked what beer tasted like when he was 8. Handed him a Red oak. Didn't develop a taste for it until he was 20

Sometimes you don't WANT to know things...but when you've promised your child you would tell them anything they wanted to know, just ask...believe me it gets reciprocated.

One thing to remember (that I had to remind my wife of DAILY) is NEVER ask a middle schooler, or teenager more than 3 questions. Over what time period you ask? YES. I've had so many parents ask me how I was able to remain so close to my kids, and not have them push me away. Simple. Never ask more than 3 questions. And if possible, never let those questions have a simple answer. I.E. "Did you have a good day?" Answer can be : yes or no. Instead, ask; Tell me who won the award for being a dillweed today?

And yes...as they get older they will have less to do with you. Their friends take priority, and many times their friends (and society) paints parents as adversary's. However...you CAN have a relationship with your child, not try to be "buddy dad" and also have their respect. You just have to remember respect is mutual. Trust is mutual. And love is a CHOICE. Give them a reason to love you by taking them at their word, trusting THEM with decisions, and letting them make mistakes and learning from them. And encourage them! tell them you are proud of them (regardless of whether they lived up to YOUR expectations) and tell them you got their back no matter what. It's so very hard to watch your children "learn the hard way" sometimes......but SO very worth it to see them grow and mature.
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And brother ...it doesn’t get easier.
I’m living this hard, tonight.
I’m watching my oldest....I think he’s about to touch the stove. I know it’s going to hurt. It’s breaking my heart. But I can’t force him not to make this mistake. He’s going to make it. He’s determined. And this mistake has zeros attached to it. Permanent implications. And my hearts breaking. But all I can say is I love you. I support you. Good luck.

but fuck it sucks and hurts ...
 
Ron said:
And brother ...it doesn’t get easier.
I’m living this hard, tonight.
I’m watching my oldest....I think he’s about to touch the stove. I know it’s going to hurt. It’s breaking my heart. But I can’t force him not to make this mistake. He’s going to make it. He’s determined. And this mistake has zeros attached to it. Permanent implications. And my hearts breaking. But all I can say is I love you. I support you. Good luck.

but fuck it sucks and hurts ...
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You're just gonna stand there and let him buy a new Chevy product???
 
CasterTroy said:
Let them fail
Let them fall
Let them experience what the word "HOT" means....as painful as it is to watch them learn it..the earlier they learn what it means, the faster they progress.

I've got a 24yr old, a 22yr old and a soon to be 20yr old. The worry NEVER stops.

One HUGE thing I have learned that gave me a great advantage over others with kids my age; I was ALWAYS honest with them. Like BRUTALLY honest. Our middle child was not going to be fooled by "santa" any more after she was 6. She asked and wanted a straight answer. we gave it to her. And made her promise not to tell her older brother or younger sister.

My son asked what beer tasted like when he was 8. Handed him a Red oak. Didn't develop a taste for it until he was 20

Sometimes you don't WANT to know things...but when you've promised your child you would tell them anything they wanted to know, just ask...believe me it gets reciprocated.

One thing to remember (that I had to remind my wife of DAILY) is NEVER ask a middle schooler, or teenager more than 3 questions. Over what time period you ask? YES. I've had so many parents ask me how I was able to remain so close to my kids, and not have them push me away. Simple. Never ask more than 3 questions. And if possible, never let those questions have a simple answer. I.E. "Did you have a good day?" Answer can be : yes or no. Instead, ask; Tell me who won the award for being a dillweed today?

And yes...as they get older they will have less to do with you. Their friends take priority, and many times their friends (and society) paints parents as adversary's. However...you CAN have a relationship with your child, not try to be "buddy dad" and also have their respect. You just have to remember respect is mutual. Trust is mutual. And love is a CHOICE. Give them a reason to love you by taking them at their word, trusting THEM with decisions, and letting them make mistakes and learning from them. And encourage them! tell them you are proud of them (regardless of whether they lived up to YOUR expectations) and tell them you got their back no matter what. It's so very hard to watch your children "learn the hard way" sometimes......but SO very worth it to see them grow and mature.
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Im always Brutally honest with my boys. its a hard pill to swallow sometimes to watch an innocent mind see or hear about something that isn't right. and they have to accept a fact that people are mean or that the world is not all sunshine and rainbows. last month sometime my youngest didn't understand why these two other kids were making fun of his friend. (friend has had a speech problem when he was younger but is getting better.) anyways these two other little bastards were making fun of the kid because of the way he would say certain words. granted I overheard it and put an abrupt stop to it with the help of their parents. but later he asked why those kids thought it was funny as it upset his friend Henry to the point of tears. I had to look at him and tell him not all people are wired like you and care about someone else. there's a lot of people that would light the world on fire just to watch it burn. He had such a hard time understanding that. it kind of pained me to see that he had to accept that some people can be complete shit. that's the worst thing about parenting so far for me is that ugly truth.
 
RatLabGuy said:
I'm going to be honest with you, this never really goes away or gets easier. And thats how you know you're a halfway decent parent. The fact that you worry a little is good.
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This.

Anytime you wonder if you're a good parent, know that only good parents wonder if they are good. Crap parents don't wonder because they don't care.
 
Atla said:
This.

Anytime you wonder if you're a good parent, know that only good parents wonder if they are good. Crap parents don't wonder because they don't care.
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This is good to hear. I often wonder if I'm doing the right thing and pray everyday that I raise a halfway decent human being. Tonight our little girl is having her first sleepover with her cousins who are around her age and to be honest, it's killing me already. We are headed over to a friends house and I know the whole night, I'm gonna be wondering if she's ok and how she is doing. I know she will be fine...in fact, I'm sure she is going to have a blast, but Daddy over here is gonna be having some beer with a side of anxiety tonight.
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
This is good to hear. I often wonder if I'm doing the right thing and pray everyday that I raise a halfway decent human being. Tonight our little girl is having her first sleepover with her cousins who are around her age and to be honest, it's killing me already. We are headed over to a friends house and I know the whole night, I'm gonna be wondering if she's ok and how she is doing. I know she will be fine...in fact, I'm sure she is going to have a blast, but Daddy over here is gonna be having some beer with a side of anxiety tonight.
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if its her first sleepover....maybe dont have any beer.

lol

my kids were fine, at least a few of their friends around that age would make it halfway through the night and need to call home.
 
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