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Atla

Atla

Pew Pew! Vroom Vroom!
Joined
Nov 23, 2010
Location
NC
As some of you are aware, I've been working on a book.

It's finished.

Now I need feedback. Honest, brutal, hurt-my-feelings feedback. Because it's more important for me to make a good product than to protect my ego. Also, the better it is, the more likely I can get it published, make money, write more books, buy more guns, and actually be able to afford to shoot them.

If you're a western gun aficionado, or a horse owner, I could certainly use your help as I'm weak in those areas. I've researched what I could, but from what I gather, horse people get as ticked off as we gun folks do when you get an obvious detail wrong. And any moment that makes a reader stop and go, "Wait... what?" is the absolute worst mistake a writer can make.

What's it on?

Well... if you like Magnificent Seven, Jurassic World, and Planet of the Apes - you ought to like this.

falpicwop.png


For a sampling of the first, heck I dunno, dozen or so chapters - here's a link:

RAWR! Pew! Pew! Pew!

If you are interested, let me know and I'll send you a word document. I would offer to send paper copies, but it's not cheap to send a book through the mail.

So far, feedback has been great. I seem to have created something worthy of being read.

But I'd love to have feedback from my actual target audience. (Which is you people.
love_small.gif
)
 
Atla said:
As some of you are aware, I've been working on a book.

It's finished.

Now I need feedback. Honest, brutal, hurt-my-feelings feedback. Because it's more important for me to make a good product than to protect my ego. Also, the better it is, the more likely I can get it published, make money, write more books, buy more guns, and actually be able to afford to shoot them.

If you're a western gun aficionado, or a horse owner, I could certainly use your help as I'm weak in those areas. I've researched what I could, but from what I gather, horse people get as ticked off as we gun folks do when you get an obvious detail wrong. And any moment that makes a reader stop and go, "Wait... what?" is the absolute worst mistake a writer can make.

What's it on?

Well... if you like Magnificent Seven, Jurassic World, and Planet of the Apes - you ought to like this.

falpicwop.png


For a sampling of the first, heck I dunno, dozen or so chapters - here's a link:

RAWR! Pew! Pew! Pew!

If you are interested, let me know and I'll send you a word document. I would offer to send paper copies, but it's not cheap to send a book through the mail.

So far, feedback has been great. I seem to have created something worthy of being read.

But I'd love to have feedback from my actual target audience. (Which is you people.
love_small.gif
)
Click to expand...
Bookmarked for when I get a few mins to read!
 
Damn man, I LOVE it!!! I am through the first three parts and will start the fourth ASAP!!! Ive got a running word doc of a few spelling errors and one note on the colt.
 
Also, if that pic isnt the cover of this book, I will be thoroughly disgusted!!!!
 
Just got done reading through the first four "chapters". Most of the edits I made were grammatical/punctuation in nature but I did have some issues with some sentences. A few thoughts:

-totally unique subject matter. I've read quite a lot and this is by far the most "diverse" setting I've found
- definitely gives me a feeling of the "land before time" theme(not a bad thing)
-is this supposed to be young teen or adult fiction? reason i ask is there are certain points in the 4 chapters that could greatly use some expletives. great for adults, maybe not so much for kids
-The first part of the first chapter was odd to read. I felt like I needed to know more about Jed before continuing. but I'm sure you fill in his backstory later on.

I've got the comments saved on a word file if you would like them. I am looking forward to reading the rest of it.
 
I was quite the bookworm in a former life, and I still read a decent amount now (2-3 novels per year, nothing extravagant). Sounds like something I would find interesting. I grew up with horses...hell, my first job title (when I actually started getting paid for work, after I moved from Texas to Oklahoma) was Wrangler, so I'll let you know if I find anything out of place in that respect.
 
That was definitely riveting! I read down to where his horse came back the next morning. I should not have even started because now I am running late to get my office work done before heading out to work! I do have some criticisms so will hopefully come back to it and share. I don't read fiction at all but your writing style kept me glued.
 
JSJJ388 said:
Damn man, I LOVE it!!! I am through the first three parts and will start the fourth ASAP!!! Ive got a running word doc of a few spelling errors and one note on the colt.
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Please send me the word doc! I'm certainly interested to see what you've noticed.

JSJJ388 said:
Also, if that pic isnt the cover of this book, I will be thoroughly disgusted!!!!
Click to expand...

LOL. I actually have that sketch/drawing picture in enough detail to blow it up ridiculously large. One day it'll go in the office. :)
 
YJJPWrangler said:
Just got done reading through the first four "chapters". Most of the edits I made were grammatical/punctuation in nature but I did have some issues with some sentences. A few thoughts:

-totally unique subject matter. I've read quite a lot and this is by far the most "diverse" setting I've found
- definitely gives me a feeling of the "land before time" theme(not a bad thing)
-is this supposed to be young teen or adult fiction? reason i ask is there are certain points in the 4 chapters that could greatly use some expletives. great for adults, maybe not so much for kids
-The first part of the first chapter was odd to read. I felt like I needed to know more about Jed before continuing. but I'm sure you fill in his backstory later on.

I've got the comments saved on a word file if you would like them. I am looking forward to reading the rest of it.
Click to expand...

I grew up on the Edgar Rice Burroughs/Jules Vernes novels, the adventure/lost world scenarios were always my favorite. And I decided to stick to the mantra of 'if it's cool - do that' when it comes to writing. :)

As for swearing, I intentionally kept it limited and kept out any risque scenes because I want my kids to be able to read it. As for being young adult genre, I dunno, I REALLY enjoy writing action scenes. And it's got a lot of violence, probably too much for sparkly vampire fans.
 
Atla said:
As for swearing, I intentionally kept it limited and kept out any risque scenes because I want my kids to be able to read it. As for being young adult genre, I dunno, I REALLY enjoy writing action scenes. And it's got a lot of violence, probably too much for sparkly vampire fans.
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Forgot to add - I did write a sex scene to slip into the copy my wife was reading. (Surprise!)

And no, none of you'll ever read it...

Because it made Fifty Shades of Grey look like a Disney movie.
 
I'm going to make a point to read what you have available!
 
Atla said:
Forgot to add - I did write a sex scene to slip into the copy my wife was reading. (Surprise!)

And no, none of you'll ever read it...

Because it made Fifty Shades of Grey look like a Disney movie.
Click to expand...
 
Just finished it. Was a great read, even though it was short. I kept waiting for the sex scene, or at least for it to be mentioned. But I do understand leaving it out as well.
 
JSJJ388 said:
Just finished it. Was a great read, even though it was short. I kept waiting for the sex scene, or at least for it to be mentioned. But I do understand leaving it out as well.
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In paperback book format it'd be 400 pages! lol! I just read your email... I'm still awed and humbled by your enjoyment of the book and the corrections you helped me with. When it goes into print, I'm sending you an autographed copy!

As for the 'deleted scene'....

Tell you what. If this ever becomes as big as Harry Potter, I'm going to auction a single copy of that sex scene for a freaking mint.

Then I'll promptly change my name and relocate, because it'd be super embarrassing for people to know what sort of perverted deviancy my mind is capable of.
 
Atla said:
In paperback book format it'd be 400 pages! lol! I just read your email... I'm still awed and humbled by your enjoyment of the book and the corrections you helped me with. When it goes into print, I'm sending you an autographed copy!

As for the 'deleted scene'....

Tell you what. If this ever becomes as big as Harry Potter, I'm going to auction a single copy of that sex scene for a freaking mint.

Then I'll promptly change my name and relocate, because it'd be super embarrassing for people to know what sort of perverted deviancy my mind is capable of.
Click to expand...

Hmmmm, I guess I do still read quick lol. Id be happy to buy a copy or two! It really is a great piece of work, but Im certainly not a good editor.


Haha sounds like a plan lol! Or just add something mild but still kind of steamy.

Have you checked out The Firearms Forum? I think youd fit right in.
 
Excellent! I'll check them out.

I've got some members at the FalFiles helping with some gun and horse issues now. But so far, everything seems to be mostly correct.
 
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