Wanted : People who can read good and do other things good too.

Thoroughly enjoying the four parts online. I'd be done except for a bunch of travel this weekend. Couple of grammatical comments, maybe, but I'm happy to look at the whole project!
 
I read all four parts late last week, just haven't taken the opportunity to post up here about it. I'll start off by saying I dig your style! Clearly you can write. Other than some spelling/grammatical errors (which are bound to happen to anyone writing literally anything - hell, I've even found some errors in decades-old work of W.E.B. Griffin.

Anyway, what I have to offer is probably similar to what others have said. The senses are your friends when it comes to writing. Any character or scene that plays a major role needs some incredibly detailed description so you paint the picture verbally for your audience. There are several scenes where you do this incredibly - the town when Jed goes looking for the sheriff, the other side of the cliff through the tunnel with the sights and sounds of the jungles, descriptions of the dinosaurs and apes...you obviously know what you're doing. What I'd like to see is a little more description of Jed, since he IS the main character. Perhaps some of that comes in after the first four parts, but I'd like to know who he is and where he came from right from the start. We found out some time into the story that he's ~180 lbs, but what color hair? Skin complexion? Tall and lean, or muscular? Little bit of a paunch? Some of the other characters could benefit from more description, too.

Even if you're looking for this to be targeted for young adult, I think your fight scenes/shootouts could use some more gory details. You definitely had that nailed with the scene in the barn with the dinosaur when the rotten bastard killed Elsa (which ripped my heart a bit, I'll admit), as well as with the gunfight scene in the bar. The things I'd think could use more description (from what I remember without going and re-reading) are Jed's house, the rooms and their size/locations, what his land looks like, etc. I'd also add some sensory details to the barn before the dinosaur attack...perhaps something with the sweet smell of feed (or whatever Jed feeds his horses) or the dry, dusty smell of hay in the air. Maybe even add in some details of the working ladies in the bar, even just to paint a more clear picture of their attire.

Jed was repairing some stitching on his saddle early on...what was he stitching? Was it the latigo, or perhaps the rigging? Does he only use a front cinch, or a front and flank cinch? FWIW I've only ever used front cinches with saddles, as the flank cinch really only comes in handy for roping and if you actually use the horn to tie off from. What breed are the horses? You gave us that Carbine is a dun gelding, but is he a Quarter, a Morgan, maybe he's fancy and a Tennessee Walker since he does like to prance around....maybe a Mustang, or Arabian? Arabians (horses, I mean) are assholes, since you describe him as one. How tall (in hands) is he? The same is needed for Elsa. I imagine her as a palomino mare, but it's really up to you to set that for the audience. Why did she go lame?

I'd love to read the rest of this. I could see me buying it once it's out in print. I'll also admit that this makes me want to open up my short story again and keep it going, perhaps into a novel. Awesome work!
 
I'm not sure about Young Adult, I'm certainly not opposed to it - but it would depend on the Publisher/Agent to see what they recommend. YA is a goldmine of cash these days, and I'd take a few wheel borrow fulls for sure.

As for Description... I see what you're saying. But I don't want to paint the entire picture, I'd rather hit the highlights and let the readers imagination fill in the rest.

Part of that is because I struggle with descriptions. They're a real time suck for me to try and paint scenes with words. Unless it's action, I can hammer right through that stuff with blood spraying and gun smoke billowing.

The other part is that word count is vital, especially for a new and unproven author. That means the publisher is taking an even bigger risk on me, because my book will take up X inches of space on a store's shelf. Today I suppose that's not so vital, with Amazon and online buying. But it also means more editing, more ink, more paper, and higher shipping costs. I'm already at 117,000 words, I'm afraid to go any higher, and I don't think I can cut it any smaller without losing the awesomeness of it. So when it came to descriptions, I'm afraid to get real indepth. And unfortunately, the ending of this book is where it has to end. I can't shorten it to another scene. And setting the stage for the series to continue was 'word count cheap' also with just a few hundred words or so.

Now, if I was Louis L'Amour, who could literally paint a picture with words, I'd do insane descriptions. But most of his books were pulp fiction, and around 50,000 words. The story was simple, there wasn't much depth or a wide cast of characters. He could pull of verbose descriptions when you have an obvious good guy and an obvious bad guy and a couple secondary characters.

It's all about money and a publisher takes on big risks with a new author. The profit margins ain't great. Generally, I'd make 8% on a $7 paperback. That means I only get 56 cents a book. The publisher probably only make a $1.

Word count is critical. :(

As for the horse, I certainly need to clarify that. Carbine is a mustang. And a lot more of the Jed's background comes out in the story, with the juiciest part saved for the sequel. As for his description, I think I've covered everything except eye color. And that needs to be added.

LOL. And interestingly enough, I have a douchebag character based off Prince Charming that shows up in the sequel who rides a larger purebred Arabian. It seemed to be the most 'douchey' when I was researching horses. :)
 
I never knew that about word count...makes total sense though. That's one helluva novel you've got going there with that length!

So true about Louis L'Amour. I've got a few of his books sitting on a shelf at home. The man was definitely an artist.

So, now that you've dropped little hints here and there about action scenes, characters, etc. I need to read the rest of your book. When are you getting it out to the world?

That's funny about the character with the Arabian. Don't get me wrong, I love all (well, most) animals, but I've always thought Arabian horses are a little goofy looking with the thick neck and tiny head. :lol:
 
@Scooter402

It'll be a while before it's published. That's an uphill battle. I was contacted by an interested publisher last week. Chandra Press. They're a pretty small and new publishing house, and after digging around some, I decided not to continue with them. It was ego flattering, but they didn't appear to be a good fit for me.

If you'd like to read the entire thing instead of waiting, I can email you a word copy. :) Just message me your email and I'll send it on over!
 
Besides the obvious typos, I think the book is pretty awesome. It's a little out of my genre but I can't wait for the publisher. I'm not sure how many pm's you've received but add my name to the list. I'm dropping a 10 spot for the privilege too. I've just got to figure out the logistics to get it to you. Great book!
 
thebrotherinlaw said:
Besides the obvious typos, I think the book is pretty awesome. It's a little out of my genre but I can't wait for the publisher. I'm not sure how many pm's you've received but add my name to the list. I'm dropping a 10 spot for the privilege too. I've just got to figure out the logistics to get it to you. Great book!
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Well I'm honored you think its worth reading!

Those little BS typo's are what make an editor worth their weight in gunpowder. I've a cousin who is a copy editor who is going over it right now, or said he would, we'll see... but they tend to charge $2-3 bucks a PAGE.
 
Atla said:
I was contacted by an interested publisher last week. Chandra Press. They're a pretty small and new publishing house, and after digging around some, I decided not to continue with them. It was ego flattering, but they didn't appear to be a good fit for me.
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That's pretty awesome to see some interest in your work already! I hope you can get connected to the right folks to make it happen for you.

I would love to have the talent to write a book, simply as a gift for my wife. She loves a good story. If you've listened to me in conversation for more than 30 seconds though...you know that will never happen.:D
 
Atla said:
@Scooter402

It'll be a while before it's published. That's an uphill battle. I was contacted by an interested publisher last week. Chandra Press. They're a pretty small and new publishing house, and after digging around some, I decided not to continue with them. It was ego flattering, but they didn't appear to be a good fit for me.

If you'd like to read the entire thing instead of waiting, I can email you a word copy. :) Just message me your email and I'll send it on over!
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I've heard it can be a bit of a chore to get something published, but I never knew it could be quite that hard...best of luck to you! Here's hoping it'll all work out in the end. :beer: I'm sure it will.
 
Thanks guys. I appreciate it, and I'm hard at work on the sequel. Which, unless I'm picked up by a publisher, I'll also pass around freely to anyone interested in reading. I'm hauling butt on it, so I suspect I'll be done in six months or so. :)

Now a question, does anyone mind if I use their quotes about my book and/or the first few chapters on my website?

Publisher's like peeking at a writers website, and it'd look nice to have other people saying my book doesn't suck instead of just me. :)
 
Feel free:
"This book doesn't suck" - jeepinmatt, NC4x4 Translator and resident smartass
 
Awesome book. While reading , I felt like I was right there in the middle of the action with everyone. I quite literally could not put the book down, I could not wait to find out what happened in the next chapter.

Looking forward to the rest of the series.
 
Atla said:
Thanks guys. I appreciate it, and I'm hard at work on the sequel. Which, unless I'm picked up by a publisher, I'll also pass around freely to anyone interested in reading. I'm hauling butt on it, so I suspect I'll be done in six months or so. :)

Now a question, does anyone mind if I use their quotes about my book and/or the first few chapters on my website?

Publisher's like peeking at a writers website, and it'd look nice to have other people saying my book doesn't suck instead of just me. :)
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Youre welcome to use anything Ive said about it!
 
Atla said:
Thanks guys. I appreciate it, and I'm hard at work on the sequel. Which, unless I'm picked up by a publisher, I'll also pass around freely to anyone interested in reading. I'm hauling butt on it, so I suspect I'll be done in six months or so. :)

Now a question, does anyone mind if I use their quotes about my book and/or the first few chapters on my website?

Publisher's like peeking at a writers website, and it'd look nice to have other people saying my book doesn't suck instead of just me. :)
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If I've said anything quoteworthy, quote away!
 
Just wanted to say that I really enjoyed reading the parts you had posted. Being that I grew up on westerns I could easily visualize the scenery in my minds eye. I didn't feel that it was lacking in description whatsoever. I did notice some errors but I am not one to judge. It seems you have several folks probably more adapt to editing than I would ever be. I look forward to reading the rest, please keep us updated as to it's release.
 
I read the first chapter the day you posted and the other three today. Sometimes you are deep in character and sound genuine. Sometimes you sound like a narrator above the fray looking down into it and sound a bit too educated to be Jed such as this " glossy black obsidian" while describing the rock formation. An outlaw pioneer wouldn't have this vocabulary I don't think. And sometimes you make references from today such as when the buzzards were looking at your "my new lawn decorations", maybe yard decorations but lawns were unheard of back then.
Your actions "scenes" are great. The Wyatt Earp reference was a reach but I liked it.
Again like I said, I'm not into fiction and the fantasy started to lose me after the sheriff went home but you have great writing style and it will appeal to those who can lose themselves in a novel.
 
I appreciate the reading and critique. Seems like one of the biggest problems people have is with the Main Characters vocabulary and knowledge, some of that's explained a bit further on that he is educated beyond what you would expect. The rest of it is probably me goofing. :p

I like the terminology of 'yard decorations'.. :) And good catch on the 'rain' usage, I'll read over it and see what I can do. Repeating a word is always a fine line between necessary and over-doing it.

For gun forums, I tend to stick to 'TheFalFiles' the most. I used to visit TheHighRoad a lot, but they moderators have turned into a bunch of overzealous PITA's. For an example, I posted my write-up on 'USMC Survival School', and the thread was closed because 'it didn't have enough to do with guns'... bu right below it was a hundred plus post thread on medical kits. So, whomp-whomp. They've grown obnoxious and I've grown tired of trying to appease them. I visited them for almost 12 years, including through the ridiculous forum ownership fight of 2008 and gave up last year.
 
R Q said:
I read the first chapter the day you posted and the other three today. Sometimes you are deep in character and sound genuine. Sometimes you sound like a narrator above the fray looking down into it and sound a bit too educated to be Jed such as this " glossy black obsidian" while describing the rock formation. An outlaw pioneer wouldn't have this vocabulary
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Jed's character definitely needs more fleshing out before he starts tossing $5 words around.

Good read though: tombstone/Planet of the Apes/Jurassic Park/Star Trek.
 
Good news, another publisher TCK Publishing is mildly interested.

They appear pretty legit and of a decent size and reputation. Large enough to publish internationally and audio.

Now that the first initial hurdle has been successful leapt, I've got to sell the proposal that I can make them money.

One of the things I need to put together is a 'mailing list' of people who would be interested in buying the book should it be published. This isn't a Girl Scout Cookie List that I'll brow beat you with in the future, but more of a list of people who are mildly curious. The more people I have on it the merrier. I promise you'll never receive anything from me except a "Hey - Holy Sheeeyat. The book is being published on X, X, 2020. Go buy it so I can put a battery in my poor, sad, garage bound Wrangler."

Honestly, between this and another gun forum I visit, I'm pretty confident saying I've got a couple hundred people who are interested. But if they ask me to prove it, I'd rather not draw a complete blank.

(Feel free to use MSGing :))
 
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Atla said:
Good news, another publisher TCK Publishing is mildly interested.

They appear pretty legit and of a decent size and reputation. Large enough to publish internationally and audio.

Now that the first initial hurdle has been successful leapt, I've got to sell the proposal that I can make them money.

One of the things I need to put together is a 'mailing list' of people who would be interested in buying the book should it be published. This isn't a Girl Scout Cookie List that I'll brow beat you with in the future, but more of a list of people who are mildly curious. The more people I have on it the merrier. I promise you'll never receive anything from me except a "Hey - Holy Sheeeyat. The book is being published on X, X, 2020. Go buy it so I can put a battery in my poor, sad, garage bound Wrangler."

Honestly, between this and another gun forum I visit, I'm pretty confident saying I've got a couple hundred people who are interested. But if they ask me to prove it, I'd rather not draw a complete blank.
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Put me on the list.
 
Atla said:
Good news, another publisher TCK Publishing is mildly interested.

They appear pretty legit and of a decent size and reputation. Large enough to publish internationally and audio.

Now that the first initial hurdle has been successful leapt, I've got to sell the proposal that I can make them money.

One of the things I need to put together is a 'mailing list' of people who would be interested in buying the book should it be published. This isn't a Girl Scout Cookie List that I'll brow beat you with in the future, but more of a list of people who are mildly curious. The more people I have on it the merrier. I promise you'll never receive anything from me except a "Hey - Holy Sheeeyat. The book is being published on X, X, 2020. Go buy it so I can put a battery in my poor, sad, garage bound Wrangler."

Honestly, between this and another gun forum I visit, I'm pretty confident saying I've got a couple hundred people who are interested. But if they ask me to prove it, I'd rather not draw a complete blank.

(Feel free to use MSGing :))
Click to expand...
add me to it as well. You have my email, anything else you need?
 
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