Just Found Out that I'm Going to be a Dad

Cherokeekid88 said:
Good little piece of information right there. My wife honestly got screwed with her short term disability, because about 1.5 years ago, before we even started trying, she upped her short tern disability to pay out more while she was out on maternity leave, well the guy that was supposed to take care of it never did and when she went to ask about it after she found out she was preggers, they told her that the change was never made... granted she hadn't been paying for it all this time, but still...
Click to expand...
That's unfortunate.
We did the same thing, on the "off" chance of baby happening, we took out the insurance, b/c it was cheap through the school system. Wife was a teacher.
Our son was born in December, nearly 2 months early... after the standard leave ran out the Doc wrote her out another 4 months, which took us just about to the end of the school year. They just found a permanent sub for her class. She started back the following August, having had nearly 9 months off of baby time. By that time she was READY to be out of the house back to normal life again.
 
Question for you guys.
The wife and I have been talking about this and I seem to be getting a 50/50 response on it.
How do you guys feel about a newborn sleeping in the room with the parents beside the bed vs putting them in their own room from day one?

I was reading up on SIDS and seems to suggest that newborns sleep in the parents room for up to a year, but at least for 4 months. I have also been told that it can be a hard habit to break once they get used to sleeping in the same room and trying to get them to sleep in there.

We have a spare bed room that is right next to the nursery that we might try to sleep in, so we are not walking down the hall when she cries or needs feeding, etc.
 
Jameson slept in our bed for the first 14 months or so. He now sleeps in his bed and is to the point that we can tell him it's bed time and to go to bed and he'll do it. Just be careful, it's a hard habit to break once they're used to it. Took little man about a month to break the habit.

Sent from my SM-G892A using Tapatalk
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
Question for you guys.
The wife and I have been talking about this and I seem to be getting a 50/50 response on it.
How do you guys feel about a newborn sleeping in the room with the parents beside the bed vs putting them in their own room from day one?

I was reading up on SIDS and seems to suggest that newborns sleep in the parents room for up to a year, but at least for 4 months. I have also been told that it can be a hard habit to break once they get used to sleeping in the same room and trying to get them to sleep in there.

We have a spare bed room that is right next to the nursery that we might try to sleep in, so we are not walking down the hall when she cries or needs feeding, etc.
Click to expand...

Here is a piece of advice I wish I had received when we had our first, and now our third just two months old today is this: stop worrying and reading up on SIDS and everything else, it is just going to freak you out and make you worry more. As far as sleeping, you will figure it out. If your wife decides to nurse then it will probably be easier to have the baby in the room with you. Also, don't be overly quiet (i.e. the hallway), do your normal deal as the baby will learn to adapt. Case in point, we tiptoed around the house with the first, and now by the third baby sleeps through her sisters (7 and 4) raising holy terror in the house.

TLDR: stop worrying
 
Best advice, do whatever works for you. We have a large master closet and with our first intended to keep her in a bassinet in the closet. She was there for a few nights, then beside the bed for a few nights, but ended up with the bassinet in the living room and my wife pretty much sleeping on the couch for 6 weeks. Then she went to her own room in the crib.

My second (son) we did the living room thing for a few weeks then to his room.
 
I dont think there is a right or wrong answer there.

For us, we had the bassinet in our bedroom for probably the first 3 months.
One thing I feel very strongly about, is unless they are sick kids didnt sleep in my bed. That goes back to loving the wife mentioned earlier. Im not talking bow-chicka-bow-wow luvin' either. But the world is going to pull at both of you. Lots of marriages end soon after the first kid. The bed is a place hold each other and support each other. My kids slept hours on my chest in the recliner, but we kept them out of the bed. Even when they were fussy and we were tired and it would have been easy. That was the right answer for me, for you it may not be.

I'm also going to echo what BigClay said. Dont worry over shit beyond your control (good luck with that, btw, but try not to). Yeah SIDS is a thing. But its incidence rate has also decreased drastically with improved cause determination. Lots of deaths blamed on SIDS were other causes.

My baby girl went on her first "date" Saturday night. The wife and I took her and her boy to a movie. Shit happens so fast. Try to make memories. It is so damn cliche and so damn trite, but days are long and years are fast.
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
I was reading up on SIDS and seems to suggest that newborns sleep in the parents room for up to a year, but at least for 4 months. I have also been told that it can be a hard habit to break once they get used to sleeping in the same room and trying to get them to sleep in there.
Click to expand...
I don't see how sleeping in the same room can have any effect on reducing SIDS. Im no expert either. We borrowed a Snuza from a friend when my kiddo was a baby. It detects if your baby stops breathing and has an alarm that goes off. We had a couple false alarms at first when we were figuring out how to position it, but overall it was great piece of mind: Baby Monitors - Snuza

Our son was always in a separate room, so that wasn't an issue, but keep the cell phone out of their hands as long as possible. My son NEVER asks for my phone, but always asks for mommy's phone. Guess which one of us let him play with the phone when he was a wee toddler...
 
I'll say this...my wife was 100% against the kid sleeping in our room after three months old. My daughter was sleeping in the pack and play religiously. Three months has come and gone. After a while though, she stopped putting her in the pack n play, they'd snuggle and they'd fall asleep with eachother in bed. Then she was 100% against the kid sleeping in our room when she got pregnant with kid number two, that was two months ago. My daughter is a year old. My philosophy is, how many kids do you know still sleeping in their parents' bed/sucking their thumbs/etc etc when they graduate high school. I have a nice big old King sized bed, I only got 6" to sleep on anyway, so it makes no difference to me.

My wife was freaked out about SIDS too, she bought like $2500-3000 in equipment (I think called Owl) that was basically like a hospital bed hook up. A pad that the baby slept on and a baby sock transmitter thing, that checked all sorts of things like vitals, heart rate, breaths per minute, air quality, % oxygen per breath, air temp, baby temp, so on and so forth. It's still in the box, never used even once.

If you can't tell, a child sleeping in bed with me isn't one of those battles I'm going to fight...I'm sleeping, it's not like they're interrupting me. As for developmental advantages, it's like being a republican or democrat...using the same information, you can argue your side.
 
Our son has slept in his own bed since day one.

My wife used a gliding rocker & stool in his room while nursing.

My fear was since I move a lot while sleeping & not a small guy, that I would potentially injure him in our bed. I had family members whose child slept in their bed for over 10 years - not willing to do that.

Good luck, worry will smother you, take it as it comes, learn as you go. What works for my family may or may not work for others.
 
I always thought that it would be best to let the child sleep in their own room from the get go, but I have also never had a child before, so what do I know. I can see the baby being in the room with you being easier, but knowing my pattern, a year would go by from failed attempts to get the baby to sleep in her own room and her still sleeping in the room with us.

We might do like the first couple of weeks in a bassinet/pack n play in our room and then try to slowly introduce her to her room.
 
Our son stayed in our room in a bassinet for the first few months then transitioned into the nursery next to our room. We all slept better when he moved to the crib. He didn't wake himself up as much flopping around and we didn't wake up at every little wimper. We didn't put a blanket on him until he was probably 9 mos though. He always slept in the pajamas with the feet and we put a space heater in the room since it's the farthest from the furnace and has wide temp swings.
 
Every parent is different, every child is different. Some things will work other won't. Some advice is good, some isn't.
I had three kids, and now have five grand kids, While there are similarities, none are the same.
Things I learned(not everything as I have forgot a lot, but remember some LOL)
When burping he baby, start patting at their butt, and work up. Don't hit, but firm pats, and work the gas up and out.
Bumbo seats are the shit
Mom nursing? life will be much easier for her if the baby is sleeping next to her.
Life is no longer about you. But you both need some time for your own thing. So be ready to be a single parent for a day, or even a few hours.

Now something that I wish I had done.
Pick an email that will be the child's. Write to him or her every day. Make sure it's secure, as in make several copies. One to the email, one to a thumb drive, and one a hard copy. Tell them all about you, and your family. Tell them all about what you are doing and what they are doing. Good and bad, tell them all. Continue this until they are old enough to appreciate your words. Give them it in all the forms above. So they have a record of your life and theirs.

Teach them to work with their hands. Teach them as much of what you know, and things you wished you'd have been taught. To make a good kid, spend time with them. Time is much more valuable than money, and will make them a better person

Best wishes
 
upnover said:
Every parent is different, every child is different. Some things will work other won't. Some advice is good, some isn't.
I had three kids, and now have five grand kids, While there are similarities, none are the same.
Things I learned(not everything as I have forgot a lot, but remember some LOL)
When burping he baby, start patting at their butt, and work up. Don't hit, but firm pats, and work the gas up and out.
Bumbo seats are the shit
Mom nursing? life will be much easier for her if the baby is sleeping next to her.
Life is no longer about you. But you both need some time for your own thing. So be ready to be a single parent for a day, or even a few hours.

Now something that I wish I had done.
Pick an email that will be the child's. Write to him or her every day. Make sure it's secure, as in make several copies. One to the email, one to a thumb drive, and one a hard copy. Tell them all about you, and your family. Tell them all about what you are doing and what they are doing. Good and bad, tell them all. Continue this until they are old enough to appreciate your words. Give them it in all the forms above. So they have a record of your life and theirs.

Teach them to work with their hands. Teach them as much of what you know, and things you wished you'd have been taught. To make a good kid, spend time with them. Time is much more valuable than money, and will make them a better person

Best wishes
Click to expand...

The letter idea is awesome! My dad did something similar but he did it much later in life. He wrote letters to me, my brother and my sisters about his life growing up. Gave me a whole new insight into my dad, my family and how much different life was for them. Those letters are safely stored in my safe and I consider them the best gift ever!
 
upnover said:
Every parent is different, every child is different. Some things will work other won't. Some advice is good, some isn't.
I had three kids, and now have five grand kids, While there are similarities, none are the same.
Things I learned(not everything as I have forgot a lot, but remember some LOL)
When burping he baby, start patting at their butt, and work up. Don't hit, but firm pats, and work the gas up and out.
Bumbo seats are the shit
Mom nursing? life will be much easier for her if the baby is sleeping next to her.
Life is no longer about you. But you both need some time for your own thing. So be ready to be a single parent for a day, or even a few hours.

Now something that I wish I had done.
Pick an email that will be the child's. Write to him or her every day. Make sure it's secure, as in make several copies. One to the email, one to a thumb drive, and one a hard copy. Tell them all about you, and your family. Tell them all about what you are doing and what they are doing. Good and bad, tell them all. Continue this until they are old enough to appreciate your words. Give them it in all the forms above. So they have a record of your life and theirs.

Teach them to work with their hands. Teach them as much of what you know, and things you wished you'd have been taught. To make a good kid, spend time with them. Time is much more valuable than money, and will make them a better person

Best wishes
Click to expand...
Very good idea on the email. I had started writing some letters when I found out that my wife was pregnant, So I have sort of already started this. But I like this idea a lot of will start doing this.
 
Wife had her last "Regular" appointment yesterday afternoon and the are estimating the baby to already weigh 6lbs, 8oz! She will be 34 weeks tomorrow. The baby is also breech, so they are hoping that the baby will turn, so she doesn't have to have a c section. This might be a long shot, but did any of you guys' wife have the same situation and did something to make the baby turn? Her doctor was telling her about some herb that has been proven to help, but isn't guaranteed but couldn't professional tell her to do it as its not a cure all method.
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
Wife had her last "Regular" appointment yesterday afternoon and the are estimating the baby to already weigh 6lbs, 8oz! She will be 34 weeks tomorrow. The baby is also breech, so they are hoping that the baby will turn, so she doesn't have to have a c section. This might be a long shot, but did any of you guys' wife have the same situation and did something to make the baby turn? Her doctor was telling her about some herb that has been proven to help, but isn't guaranteed but couldn't professional tell her to do it as its not a cure all method.
Click to expand...
Yes, our first was breech and we tried a procedure called External Cephalic Version (ECV). Basically, they loosen the muscles and physically grab the baby from the outside and try and rotate it in the womb. Pretty wild to see. You could probably youtube it. It didn't work for us and we had a C-section but it was all good. A healthy baby is what you want. Whether it flies out the traditional way or pops out like the alien, as long as you get the baby out that's all that matters.

Another tip I remember hearing was to put her in a warm bath and put a few packs of frozen peas on the upper, top half of the belly. Supposedly, the baby will not like the cold and turn down towards the warm, lower portion of the belly. Now that I type this out it sounds like complete bullshit but your results may vary. Good luck!
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
Wife had her last "Regular" appointment yesterday afternoon and the are estimating the baby to already weigh 6lbs, 8oz! She will be 34 weeks tomorrow. The baby is also breech, so they are hoping that the baby will turn, so she doesn't have to have a c section. This might be a long shot, but did any of you guys' wife have the same situation and did something to make the baby turn? Her doctor was telling her about some herb that has been proven to help, but isn't guaranteed but couldn't professional tell her to do it as its not a cure all method.
Click to expand...

1) Don't buy in to the weight hype...they told us, based on the measurements, to expect a 10-12lb baby. Just ended up being super tall and 7lbs 4oz. And not sure about your wife, but if you do the math, they say the baby is supposed to gain .5lb/wk the last 6-8 weeks. That freaked my wife out...because some how delivering a 10lb bowling ball is better than an 8lb.

2) Yeah, my daughter was breech and wrong side up. One of our doctors literally took her cell phone out, turned on the flash light and put it against my wife's belly. Apparently babies are drawn to lights like baby sea turtles. Had that not worked, they were gonna do what mccracken said.
 
McCracken said:
Yes, our first was breech and we tried a procedure called External Cephalic Version (ECV). Basically, they loosen the muscles and physically grab the baby from the outside and try and rotate it in the womb. Pretty wild to see. You could probably youtube it. It didn't work for us and we had a C-section but it was all good. A healthy baby is what you want. Whether it flies out the traditional way or pops out like the alien, as long as you get the baby out that's all that matters.

Another tip I remember hearing was to put her in a warm bath and put a few packs of frozen peas on the upper, top half of the belly. Supposedly, the baby will not like the cold and turn down towards the warm, lower portion of the belly. Now that I type this out it sounds like complete bullshit but your results may vary. Good luck!
Click to expand...
Yeah the heating pad below the belly and an ice pack above the belly is something that was mentioned.... Also placing ear buds in your waistband and playing soothing music to attract the baby to move down. There is also a pill that I was reading about called Pulsatilla that is to be taken that is supposed to aid in the turning of the baby.

I am willing to try whatever as long as its safe, because I know wifey wants a vaginal birth, but will do what we gotta do to get that baby out safely.
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
I am willing to try whatever as long as its safe, because I know wifey wants a vaginal birth, but will do what we gotta do to get that baby out safely.
Click to expand...

You can do everything right and still end up going C section. My wife was in labor 26 hours, the baby crapped, started getting stressed, my wife had been pushing for about 8 hours, just couldn't get it out. Tried the suction cup for about 30-45 minutes, last attempt the doc said if the baby didn't come out that time, she was going for an emergency C section. Luckily, the baby came, but we were actively being prepared for the C section as my daughter slid out.
 
Especially if she's been staying active and eating healthy it is atypical for a woman to grow a baby that she can't actually birth.

Sure it happens and 12 people will now pipe up with how their doc told them there was no way their baby was coming out of their wife's hoo-hah the old-fashioned way. There was an exercise we did in our Bradley class to figure out how much room there actually is, basically measuring and drawing it on paper so you could see how big of a head could fit and understanding the baby's skull is malleable to facilitate the fit. All three of ours have big heads like @shawn. Our first was 'sunny side up' and that's definitely harder because the baby's head isn't lined up right. I pushed for 3.5 hours but I was also at a birth center where they let me do that as long as mom and baby were ok (UNC was like 2 blocks away). A 10# baby turned the right way was a breeze after an 8# baby that wasn't! Still, no cutting or tearing or tools were required.

I bet just as many could pipe up and say they or someone they know was born breech but docs just don't do that any more. I blame John Edwards.

Look up 'spinning babies' for other things to try before the ECV @McCracken mentioned. Your wife can also try resting in a 'cat pose' which is like downward dog but on your knees (butt in the air). She can prop herself up on cushions and pillows.
 
trailhugger said:
Especially if she's been staying active and eating healthy it is atypical for a woman to grow a baby that she can't actually birth.

Sure it happens and 12 people will now pipe up with how their doc told them there was no way their baby was coming out of their wife's hoo-hah the old-fashioned way. There was an exercise we did in our Bradley class to figure out how much room there actually is, basically measuring and drawing it on paper so you could see how big of a head could fit and understanding the baby's skull is malleable to facilitate the fit. All three of ours have big heads like @shawn. Our first was 'sunny side up' and that's definitely harder because the baby's head isn't lined up right. I pushed for 3.5 hours but I was also at a birth center where they let me do that as long as mom and baby were ok (UNC was like 2 blocks away). A 10# baby turned the right way was a breeze after an 8# baby that wasn't! Still, no cutting or tearing or tools were required.

I bet just as many could pipe up and say they or someone they know was born breech but docs just don't do that any more. I blame John Edwards.

Look up 'spinning babies' for other things to try before the ECV @McCracken mentioned. Your wife can also try resting in a 'cat pose' which is like downward dog but on your knees (butt in the air). She can prop herself up on cushions and pillows.
Click to expand...

You know how much i respect you Cyd as just a person, the Mom thing is more awesomer to me.
So here i go...
As a Father of 2 daughters i will tell the OP this.
Pay attention to every little thing as your child grows into an adult. Don't let stupid shit get in the way.
I have two adult wimmens calling me Dad ya know, and i remember bringing them home after they were born.
Time flies. Enjoy it.
 
Well, the day is almost here! My wife will be going in Thursday morning for her C section. We tried everything to get our little girl to turn from being breech with no luck. I am every emotion you can think of, but I am really excited just to meet her.
Wish me luck!
 
i'll say a prayer for baby and momma...you dont matter in this performance.

Actually 1 final piece of advice. Prepare for that. You dont matter. When baby emerges family and friends and medical staff will convene. Your wife and your baby are the stars of the show and need the care and attention. Your job is to support them. Emotionally prepare for that. It sounds dumb, but I've had a few friends really bothered by this for some reason.
 
Back
Top