Just Found Out that I'm Going to be a Dad

Cherokeekid88

Cherokeekid88

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jun 30, 2007
Location
High Point, NC
So Friday night was the night. I have to say that I have never felt more like a man than I do right now. Its a crazy feeling to try and understand the wonderful things that are going on inside my wife's body right now. This will be our first child and we couldn't be more excited. When I told my dad this he was going to be a Grandpa for the first time I asked him how he felt when he knew I was coming and he basically told me the same feelings that I have been feeling since I knew.
I mainly wanted to post this on here to get feedback on real honest things to do and not to do and what kind of emotions are to come.
I feel very proud of my wife and myself right now and it seems little things that I used to stress out about have already started fading away.
 
If you think this feels intense/awesome/great/scary...just wait until you hold them for the first time. Its all those emotions x1,000.

My life changed dramatically the moment I held my son and its never reverted.

Congrats.
 
Ron said:
If you think this feels intense/awesome/great/scary...just wait until you hold them for the first time. Its all those emotions x1,000.

My life changed dramatically the moment I held my son and its never reverted.

Congrats.
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My thoughts exactly!

You think this is great, it's nothing until you hold them for the first time. And it gets better and better everyday.

Congrats!
 
Ron said:
If you think this feels intense/awesome/great/scary...just wait until you hold them for the first time. Its all those emotions x1,000.

My life changed dramatically the moment I held my son and its never reverted.

Congrats.
Click to expand...


This!

It’s a great experience. Wait until game day, that’s when the feels kick in! You think you feel like a man now, just wait. You will never feel so proud.

Congrats and enjoy the ride!
 
I agree with all the above. once I held my daughter for the first time; it was like a light switch being turned on. Congratulations.
 
A couple of things...

People are going to tell you that "everything is about to change!" or something to that effect. The interesting thing for you is that you think you understand what those words mean, but you don't actually have the ability to understand it yet. It's like learning a new language and discovering they have a word for this thing that you never had a word for before.

The baby isn't really going to care much about you for the first three months. They know mama, they know food, and they know you're generally keeping them away from both of those things. Once they get a little older, things start getting more interactive.
 
Congratulations!

Ignore all the "What to Expect" books, online forums about pregnancy, and, generally, most advice about the pregnancy and parenting. No really, close those tabs and throw out the books and magazines. The "weekly" baby-is-the-size-of-an-obscure-fruit things are cute, but don't read other people's horror stories. It doesn't prepare you for anything, it will just make you both crazy. Tell her I said so!

Find and sign up for a Bradley Method birth class near you or, at the very least, find and read "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way". It will teach you about the baby's development and what your wife's body is going through. It will teach you what both their bodies go through during labor. If you are both educated and plan on a healthy birth, you will know what to expect and know your options and the pros/cons for medical interventions that will undoubtedly be suggested to you, whether you need them or not. Together you can make the decisions that are best for your wife and child. If interventions are needed, you will understand them better.

Work as a team and practice good communication... 'cuz you're gonna need the practice to fall back on when your faculties fail you and they will until you get the rhythm of parenthood!
 
Congratulations. My piece of advice: encourage your wife, do special things for her, wait on her hand and foot, tell her how nice she looks, how beautiful she looks. As the preg progresses, she will undoubtedly feel more tired, more nauseous (if morning sickness), clothes won't fit, feet might swell, back will get sore. She will need you to tell her how wonderful she looks and she will need to know you are always there to support her and get her whatever she needs. Give her foot rubs, back rubs, whatever makes her feel more relaxed and comfortable, cause it's not just about her feeling well and not getting stressed, you want to keep that baby happy and healthy also. ;)
 
I had all those same feelings when my first son came. It was an awesome feeling. Unfortunately, he had colic and the next few months were hell. :lol:

My second son I had all the same feelings again, with the added fear that he would also have colic. Luckily he was a good baby. :lol:
 
Cherokeekid88 said:
I mainly wanted to post this on here to get feedback on real honest things to do and not to do and what kind of emotions are to come.
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First off...congrats!

Second....for ME it wasn't really REAL until I saw him (the boy came first)

I mean, my wife was pregnant....which....for ME was like experiencing 9 months of PMS. You think she's whore-moan-all for one week a month, son you ain't seen NUTHIN yet!

Anyway...about the baby.....when he was born I was in shock. Wasn't prepared for those emotions honestly. My wife had 9 months to digest this all.....but me? Yeah I felt him kick...but I had like 4 seconds to really put it all together that it was real, and was happening.

They got him out, cleaned him off, and took him to the tub under the french fry warmer to really get him cleaned up. He was screaming bloody murder. The nurse and Dr were both talking back and forth and then asked me to walk over. I was a mess. I leaned down, extended my finger and said "hey little buddy"......and he immediately stopped crying, and grabbed my finger. It was literally like something out of a movie

You could hear a pin drop

My whole world started spinning and my life flashed before my eyes

It all made sense. Why I wasn't allowed to leave the yard and ride my bike over to Wes' house alone. Why I couldn't stay out past 9pm when I was 16. Why my mom never let me joint the military. Every single instance of over-protectiveness that pissed me off as a child now made perfect sense.

I picked him up and walked him over to my wife (which was a HUGE mistake, and I've paid for it every day of my life.....according to HER they should have allowed HER to hold him first) and handed him over. We had him for a while, then they wanted to take him to the baby unit (whatever that's called)

I wouldn't let him out of my sight. They said I could come in there WITH him but I had to suit up. I put on all the garb and went in to the "cleanroom" with him. They let me bathe him, and put his first diaper on him. I stayed the whole time (several hours) while my wife slept, never once letting him out of my sight. And eventually brought him back to the room with my wife. He never cried from the time I called out to him, until later when we were in the room and he got hungry.
I wasn't more than 2 feet from him from the time he was born till the time we left the hospital. And didn't sleep any of those days either.
I remember it all like it was yesterday. And he's 20 now
 
First off, congrats. Secondly, my wife and I had our first 6 months ago. Being brutally honest here, there will be times when you have thoughts/feelings where you think you legitimately need mental help, where you'll think something and wonder wtf is wrong with you...but it's apparently normal. I was excited when I first found out I was going to be a dad, was never really worried about, more so worried about the kind of world I was bringing the child in to, I'd second guess if it was the right decision. When I found out it was going to be a little girl, there was a suppressed feeling, wishing it was a boy. When the baby was born, I just didn't have that 'instant connection' like I thought I should. I knew I was supposed to love it, protect it, provide for it, etc...but it took me a legitimate 2 months to get over that feeling. You don't meet someone for the first time, and instantly become best friends or fall in love, is the best way I can put it. Now, not saying that will happen to you, and I hope it doesn't, because I felt terrible and depressed about it...but if it does, just know that it is common. But now, at 6 months, I couldn't imagine things being any different or loving something/someone so much.

Beyond that, understand the hormone swings with your wife are/will be real. Took my wife about 4 months to level back out after giving birth. So if she's acting out of character, there's a reason, and let it go.

Understand you'll get a lot of bad advice and dumbass stories about how the person telling the story had it so much better/worse than you do, like it's some kind of competition.

And lastly...a lot of folks will say your life is about to change...I assumed that meant becoming the dorky, minivan dad and I had to give up everything I enjoyed. It doesn't...just means you have to carry around a diaper bag and a baby when you continue to do the same things you've always done.
 
Alot of sincere very good advice. Mine is only to add: take it slow. Make moments count. Don't work to much. You'll just spend most of it anyways. Change the diapers. Little things. And unless the kid is bleeding or has a fever don't panic they eat, sleep, poop, and cry. Some slot.
Make mistakes and enjoy them too....next they will be looking you eye to eye.

I would only relive my son's first five years. I was an absent workaholic on one income. My biggest regret.
 
trailhugger said:
until you get the rhythm of parenthood!
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By #3 you get to be a pro

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Congrats!! I had to grow up a little when we had Emma but its all good. Got wrote a speeding ticket in mah own yard after hauling ass home on Sunday morning (after waiting for Sonic to open) so preggers wifeys Sonic cheddar peppers would still be warm. Almost got arrested urban wheeling in a park the same night wife went into labor. Wife had some blood pressure issues so E was born underweight, we had to stay at the hospital 3 nights until she got over 5lbs so we could take her home. Imagine me never even having held an infant and my wife sick and weak and us going home. I kept waiting for some real adults to show up lol. My kid slept in a 6D battery powered for the first year of her life, we could change the batteries in that thing with one hand while keeping it swinging with the other! Now she is a healthy full of life 10y/o. I would not trade any of it though, bewn One Helluva ride. Welcome to the club!
 
CasterTroy said:
They got him out, cleaned him off, and took him to the tub under the french fry warmer to really get him cleaned up. He was screaming bloody murder. The nurse and Dr were both talking back and forth and then asked me to walk over. I was a mess. I leaned down, extended my finger and said "hey little buddy"......and he immediately stopped crying, and grabbed my finger. It was literally like something out of a movie

You could hear a pin drop

My whole world started spinning and my life flashed before my eyes

It all made sense. Why I wasn't allowed to leave the yard and ride my bike over to Wes' house alone. Why I couldn't stay out past 9pm when I was 16. Why my mom never let me joint the military. Every single instance of over-protectiveness that pissed me off as a child now made perfect sense.

I picked him up and walked him over to my wife (which was a HUGE mistake, and I've paid for it every day of my life.....according to HER they should have allowed HER to hold him first) and handed him over. We had him for a while, then they wanted to take him to the baby unit (whatever that's called)

I wouldn't let him out of my sight. They said I could come in there WITH him but I had to suit up. I put on all the garb and went in to the "cleanroom" with him. They let me bathe him, and put his first diaper on him. I stayed the whole time (several hours) while my wife slept, never once letting him out of my sight. And eventually brought him back to the room with my wife. He never cried from the time I called out to him, until later when we were in the room and he got hungry.
I wasn't more than 2 feet from him from the time he was born till the time we left the hospital. And didn't sleep any of those days either.
I remember it all like it was yesterday. And he's 20 now
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This shit makes me glad none of ours were born in a hospital.

:beer:
 
shawn said:
This shit makes me glad none of ours were born in a hospital.

:beer:
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And the flip side, my oldest was born with a staph infection which spread to his lungs He was on IV antibiotics within hours of escaping the womb. We still came very close to losing him. By the time we would have realized something was wrong at home it would have been too late.

Its a personal decision no doubt, but there is a reason the rest of the world has a much higher infant birth mortality rate.
 
Ron said:
And the flip side, my oldest was born with a staph infection which spread to his lungs He was on IV antibiotics within hours of escaping the womb.
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Do you mean group B strep? He didn't catch that in the womb.

And nobody's advocating for giving birth under the porch steps like a cat.

UTfball68 said:
And lastly...a lot of folks will say your life is about to change...I assumed that meant becoming the dorky, minivan dad and I had to give up everything I enjoyed. It doesn't...just means you have to carry around a diaper bag and a baby when you continue to do the same things you've always done.

Being brutally honest here, there will be times when you have thoughts/feelings where you think you legitimately need mental help, where you'll think something and wonder wtf is wrong with you...but it's apparently normal. I was excited when I first found out I was going to be a dad, was never really worried about, more so worried about the kind of world I was bringing the child in to, I'd second guess if it was the right decision. When I found out it was going to be a little girl, there was a suppressed feeling, wishing it was a boy. When the baby was born, I just didn't have that 'instant connection' like I thought I should. I knew I was supposed to love it, protect it, provide for it, etc...but it took me a legitimate 2 months to get over that feeling. You don't meet someone for the first time, and instantly become best friends or fall in love, is the best way I can put it. Now, not saying that will happen to you, and I hope it doesn't, because I felt terrible and depressed about it...but if it does, just know that it is common. But now, at 6 months, I couldn't imagine things being any different or loving something/someone so much.
Click to expand...

See what I mean about the language barrier? Ben's not fluent yet, but he overheard what the people at the next table ordered.
 
Congrats!

Being a parent is is the most incredible gift and task you will ever know. Nothing compares. I knew my life would change forever and that became even more pronounced as the big day got closer. As much as I tried to be prepared, the experience vastly exceeded my wildest dreams.
 
shawn said:
Do you mean group B strep? He didn't catch that in the womb.

And nobody's advocating for giving birth under the porch steps like a cat.
Click to expand...
If
Re-read..I never said he caught it in the womb.
Believe it or not 16 years ago a Beta Strep test wasn't standard for expectant mothers. It was certainly a known commodity but not standard test. We never knew Lin was a carrier, then add a miconian birth to the mix and we had a Strep infection, compounded with fecal matter in the lungs. Moved into the kidneys, and tested into spinal column but never the spinal cord.

All I'm saying is Im thankful we had a hospital birth. I know yall had a great experience otherwise, and I'm truly happy for yall(I love you and cydney like family)... but there are risks to be considered. That's all.

Having a nurse bring your child to you hours old and say, "We want yall to spend some time with him. We aren't sure how this is going to play out and we want you to have every minute possible" that's a phrase you will never forget.
 
Ron said:
If
Re-read..I never said he caught it in the womb.
Believe it or not 16 years ago a Beta Strep test wasn't standard for expectant mothers. It was certainly a known commodity but not standard test. We never knew Lin was a carrier, then add a miconian birth to the mix and we had a Strep infection, compounded with fecal matter in the lungs. Moved into the kidneys, and tested into spinal column but never the spinal cord.

All I'm saying is Im thankful we had a hospital birth. I know yall had a great experience otherwise, and I'm truly happy for yall(I love you and cydney like family)... but there are risks to be considered. That's all.

Having a nurse bring your child to you hours old and say, "We want yall to spend some time with him. We aren't sure how this is going to play out and we want you to have every minute possible" that's a phrase you will never forget.
Click to expand...

My son and me would never had made it past the first few minutes had we been born outside hospital walls. I guess he was determined to see the inside of Baptist Hospital just like dad. He was born with a strider across his throat and looked like a dead blue fish.....scariest moment in my whole life had i understood he was making zero noise for what seemed like an eternity. He was immediately int-abated and given a first class ticket to neo natal ICU in Winston. 24 hrs of labor. 10 hrs. of work before labor and another 6 to see him stabilized. Momma was on drugs and sleeping, I was shot and in hot pursuit of that ambulance. I will say the Ronald McDonald house was awesome and a really big blessing in our lives at this time.
Me, long story....lets just say Winston was my home for over 75 days. I am either stubborn to the core or God has a plan.
 
Lots of things are standard practice now that weren't, it even changed in the 3.5 years between our first and our third. Educate yourselves and make the best decisions for you.

As for benefits and maternity leave and your plans for income for after the baby is born... start acting like her income doesn't exist and stash it all in savings. No matter what your benefits or plans, no matter how things go, it will not hurt you to tighten the belt for a while and have that cushion for the 'fourth trimester' and beyond.

I think y'all were walking and doing other things for exercise... if you've kept it up, good for you... if not, start back! If she keeps active and takes care of herself, she'll be a LOT better off when she gets to the third trimester. Walk, sit on the floor, squat (better start now!). Sore back, swollen feet, carpal tunnel syndrome, etc., are only 'typical' pregnancy woes because we all sit around too much.

Be supportive but don't treat her like she has an illness. Hormonal women don't take kindly to being patronized. ;)
 
Ron said:
If you think this feels intense/awesome/great/scary...just wait until you hold them for the first time. Its all those emotions x1,000.

My life changed dramatically the moment I held my son and its never reverted.

Congrats.
Click to expand...
Yep, same here when I saw my daughter. They were cleaning her up while I watched and a nurse said "you can touch her if you want"...I stuck my pinky out near her hand, she grabbed it and I was ruined for life.

Congrats, it's the best thing you'll ever do.
 
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